Welcome back to an all-new episode of Vanderpump Rules.
This week’s episode opens with Tom Schwartz revealing that his wife actually steamrolled him into buying their new home (surprise, surprise) so as a consolation he bought himself a lizard. Yeah, Tom, you show Katie who’s boss.
Tensions are still running high at the Taylor/Cartwright residence as the couple put the finishing touches on their seating arrangement. The problem is, it’s still up to debate if Tom Sandoval is even invited to the affair. Jax is adamant, however, that he’s 100% not in his bridal party anymore. And if Sandoval isn’t invited where does that leave the second part of the echo chamber, Ariana?
On a positive note, we are finally treated to some camera time with Lala Kent’s fiance, Randall Emmett. We learn that Randall and Jax have become very close as of late and that Jax has been turning to Randall for advice on his issues with Tom. According to Randall, Jax and he are close in age and make each other laugh a lot. Sounds like a bromance is brewing…
Brett Caprioni pays Lisa Vanderpump a house call for her scheduled training session but once he arrives she tells him that her foot is still on the mend so they will be having a cup of tea instead. Brett catches Lisa up to speed on the goings-on at SUR and reveals he’s somewhat attracted to the new brunette at work (who’s never eaten pasta), Charli Burnett. Lisa counsels him to look outside of SUR for his love interests. She also advises him that he needs to let Scheana know that he only considers her a friend and nothing more. Is anyone getting Cedric vibes circa 2010 vibes from the Lisa/Brett relationship? Yeah, me too.
Later at TomTom, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney-Schwartz grill Max Boyens on his new status of being exclusive with Dayna Kathan but the term “exclusive” remains ambiguous all the way around as they each have a different definition about what it means. Per Schwartz being exclusive just means that “you’re not putting your wiener in someone else’s vagina.” One thing is for sure, though, Max is on a mission to downplay whatever his status with Dayna is. He says that it was late and he was really tired when the conversation came up between him and Dayna.
Meanwhile, Dayna Kathan has a different story as she recounts the story for Raquel Leviss as to how their status of exclusivity came to be. According to Dayna, it all happened so organically and Max actually brought it up but they made the decision together.
Jax Taylor storms into SUR like a bull in a china shop asking Tom Sandoval if he can meet him outside for a talk. Tom Sandoval casually strolls outside and Jax immediately asks him if he has anything to say for what transpired four nights ago. Tom Sandoval doubles down and starts to ask Jax a question, but Jax stops him and accuses Sandoval of trying to bring up the past. According to Sandoval, “the only people who hate bringing up the past are hypocrites and people with bad credit.” Burn. According to Tom Sandoval, he did nothing wrong because he brought the pastor drama up one on one with Jax and 30 feet away from everyone else at Peter’s birthday party.
Jax Taylor accuses Tom Sandoval of trying to make a dig at him and even sabotage his wedding. Tom quips back that he refuses to be the kind of friend that always agrees with him and says that if that’s the kind of friends he wants, then that’s what he can have.
The two continue to duke it out before Jax Taylor finally kicks Tom out of his bridal party stating “I’m not even having my own mother at my wedding. You think I’m gonna have you there?” and then adding “You’ve pretty much sealed your fate. I can’t have you at my wedding.” OH SNAP.
At SUR, Brett finally musters up the courage to ask no pasta Charli out on a date. However, her response is probably not what he was hoping for as she reluctantly agrees, stating “I think maybe I can squeeze it in on my calendar.” Well, that was awkward…
Jax and Brittany Cartwright meet Randall and Lala for dinner. It appears that Randall knows just the way to the soon to be married couples hearts as he requests three shots of chilled tequila at the table as they walk in. Aww, Randall. You shouldn’t have!
Once at the table, Jax Taylor is talking in circles as he recounts the drama between him and Sandoval. Jax drops a bomb at the table notifying his bride to be that now Sandoval is not even invited to the wedding. He then makes a snide remark about how Tom needs to be more concerned with figuring out what sexuality his girlfriend is “because it changes daily.” YIKES. Lala even weighs in and refers to Ariana Madix as “a wet blanket.”
Jax Taylor seems to come to some sort of epiphany at the table and suddenly decides to ask Randall on bended knee if he will be in his wedding party. In between bites of his double order of fried chicken, Randall accepts and vows to be there 100%.
Later at TomTom, Tom Sandoval breaks the news to Tom Schwartz that Jax not only kicked him out of the bridal party but also disinvited him to the wedding altogether. Poor Schwartzy does not take the information well, declaring “I feel sick.” Tom Schwartz admits that he doesn’t agree with the insinuations that Sandoval made but he refuses to kick him while he’s down and instead empathizes with the disgraced Best Man.
He then goes on to say that he doesn’t know how to fulfill all of the Best Man duties without Sandy by his side. Sandoval solemnly vows to make him a Best Man kit for the day of the festivities and even assemble all of the bowties beforehand so he can be there in spirit. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
I’m not Boy Crazy Shay is in for quite the rude awakening when she calls to invite boy toy Brett over for her “famous enchiladas” and he confesses that he already has plans to take her friend Charli out on a date. Ouch. She then proceeds to plead her case as to why Brett should try to date someone more mature as opposed to an “adorable little club rat.” Wait, I thought she said Charli was her friend?
While the groomsmen meet at Jax and Brittany’s to try on their tuxes, Ariana comes over to have a much-needed discussion with Brittany. Brittany confesses that her feelings were really hurt by the way Tom and Ariana both handled the situation. She then asks Ariana what she plans to do about the wedding and Ariana basically tells her she doesn’t know. Brittany starts sobbing and tries to reason with Ariana explaining that she’s not just a guest, she’s a bridesmaid so her absence is a big deal. She then asks that Ariana at least let her know quickly what her plans are as they only have ten days left.
As far as Brett and Charli’s date goes, it couldn’t have been worse if he had taken her to Olive Garden for Never Ending Pasta bowls. They sip on $16 smoothies at some hippy-dippy cafe and try to get to know one another but it’s obvious Charli isn’t really feeling it. Brett makes the fatal mistake of bringing up his ex-girlfriend of five years multiple times and Charli is quick to call him out on it. Something tells me there won’t be a second date for this pair…
Lisa Vanderpump invites Jax and Brittany over to Villa Rosa and delivers the devastating news that her mother died. Unfortunately, she won’t be able to attend the wedding as she now has to travel to London to make arrangements. Before the couple leaves she makes them promise her that they won’t let this pastor drama taint their big day any more than it already has. First her brother and now her mother. Poor Lisa…
Later that evening Ariana has dinner with Lala and Stassi Schroeder. Ariana confides in them that she’s “f*cked either way” when it comes to the wedding drama. Lala and Stassi’s solution to Tom’s ex-communication of the nuptials is for them to just roll over and apologize to Jax and Brittany but Ariana’s not willing to do that. At least now right now anyway…
Ariana Madix loses her cool when Lala accuses her of not enjoying being around the group very much. She quips back that she doesn’t enjoy most things very much but that they wouldn’t know that because they don’t talk one on one. She then drops a bomb and reveals that she’s been battling suicidal ideation. Both Lala and Stassi are visibly shocked by the revelation.
Later Ariana catches Tom Sandoval up to speed about her dinner with Lala and Stassi and she confesses that although they were nice she doesn’t feel that she is in a safe space to be able to express her deepest, darkest thoughts with them. She then declares that she wants to get in her car and drive away and “leave her life.” Sandoval does his best to console her but later admits that he feels powerless when Ariana is feeling this low.
*Special note: If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts/ideation please call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255.