Danielle Staub Drags Margaret Josephs!
Happy New Year! What better way to celebrate than with a new episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey?
We see the ladies bright and early in the morning. Dolores Catania is cleaning up dog pee. Jackie Goldschneider’s daughter is practicing math. And Jennifer Aydin’s daughter, Olivia, smacks her mom on the ass, like a good daughter should.
Later, we catch up with the Gorgas at an ice cream shop. Antonia, 14, has a boyfriend. Of course, misogynistic Joe doesn’t want Antonia to date…ever! But Melissa cools him down by explaining that she’s a normal teenaged girl who likes the boys. Ease up, Joe!
Melissa Gorga realizes her nest will soon be empty, so she broaches the subject of having another kid. Antonia says Joe and Melissa can’t handle the kids they have. And what about Melissa’s tied tubes? Won’t that hinder fertilization? Melissa assures the kids she can carry a baby. Antonia knows all about the birds and bees. Joe is shocked that his daughter knows about S-E-X. When did this happen? Well, it happened in health class, Joe. Deal already.
Next, we catch up with Danielle Staub. Teresa Giudice stops by Danielle’s for a visit. They discuss Easter, where Juicy Joe called the kids and everyone cried during dinner. Nono wasn’t feeling well and he went to the hospital that afternoon. He was on the cusp of having pneumonia, but is doing better. Teresa is dealing with a lot, but she’s willing to invite all her “friends” to Steven Dann’s boutique for a shopping event. Danielle isn’t happy that Margaret Josephs is coming and makes Teresa promise to have her back.
As the ladies chat, Marty Caffrey comes home. He opens champagne for them and kisses Danielle on the cheek. Teresa doesn’t find it at all odd that Danielle and her soon-to-be-ex-husband are roomies
with benefits. But wait…didn’t Danielle give Dolores crap a couple of seasons ago for taking in her ex, Frank? She commented on how weird it was that Frank and Dolores were cohabitating. Well, no one ever accused Danielle of being consistent.
When the women were in Jamaica, Teresa Giudice spilled the tea about Danielle and Marty hooking up. Now, Marty thinks that Margaret and her hubs, Joe, are trying to come between him and Danielle. In fact, Danielle says she wouldn’t have filed for divorce if it hadn’t been for Margaret getting into Marty’s head. Seriously?! Marty, you married crazy. And you really thought that would turn out well? But yes, Marty blames Marge for his marital woes. Teresa now blames Marge for all of Danielle’s problems, too. Marge is a straight up bully, according to Teresa.
Teresa tears herself away from Danielle Staub to take Gia prom dress shopping. Gia wants something simple—well, until she sees a heavily beaded gown. But she does find some simpler gowns to try on. She comments on how sad she is that Juicy Joe is missing out on all her high school milestones. Gia looks beautiful in every dress, by the way.
As Gia tries on another gown, Teresa gets a call from Juicy Joe. He immediately wants to know how much the dress will cost. He busts Teresa’s chops for spending all his money. She points out that he’s not making any money, as he’s in prison. But facts never stopped Juicy from pursuing an argument, so he goes on the defensive. Apparently, every call ends up in a fight. Gia tells them both to shut up. She understands that her dad is frustrated and lashing out. Teresa complains that she’s spending all her money on lawyers for his appeal.
Teresa Giudice wants Joe’s appreciation. He feels belittled by Teresa’s comments. He calls her stupid and says he never should have married her. She gripes about the fact that he didn’t have much when they married but still forced her to sign a prenup. She would have been too embarrassed to call off the wedding, but she thought about it. Gia gets firm with Teresa, telling her to stop dragging her into their arguments.
At Jennifer’s house, she’s putting on a spread with her mom and housekeeper, Maia. Syrian Orthodox Easter is later than normal Easter. Plus, no ham. They must consume an entire lamb, head and all. Bill got called into the hospital, but Jen’s family shows up. The kids are loud, as yush, and it takes a while to calm them down for the prayer. But they start screaming when the lamb head is presented. The kids scatter from the table and sneak chocolate instead. Jen’s mom says that when she was in charge, all her kids sat at the table and ate what she cooked. But that was back in the day when you could swat your kids on the bum, and those days are over. Jen’s mom complains that the kids noise makes it impossible to enjoy a meal now.
Jen’s brother, Michael, got engaged last season. But his fiancée is still in Turkey, due to visa issues. In the kitchen, Gabby speaks to her grandmother about the church sermon earlier that morning. She has questions about the family loving her gay Uncle Steven. Jen’s mother denies that Steve is gay. Jen isn’t having it. She wants to be honest and open with her kids. She thinks her mom needs to accept the reality of Steve’s life. After the convo, Grandma belts back a stiff drink to get through the rest of the day.
Dolores Catania takes her dad to the heart rehab facility. He had a widow maker and is reluctant to make changes to his diet. Also, he lies to his doctor about the amount of exercise he gets. Dolores is trying to get her dad to take these changes seriously. She exercises next to him and they discuss the house Dolores is building for her boyfriend, David. But at Easter, David refused to make a commitment to Dolores, and he was very honest about it when questioned by her family. Though Dolores wasn’t happy with his answer, she always supports him — at least in public.
Margaret Josephs meets Melissa and Jackie for dinner. Melissa discusses her Easter with Teresa and the girls. Melissa talks about the confusion over Teresa’s marriage and the girls’ sadness over Juicy Joe. Talk soon turns to their upcoming shopping event at Steven Dann. On the group text, Danielle promises to arrive wearing something expensive. Margaret talks about her meeting with Marty. Marge reminds him that Danielle lied about him abusing her and her kids. The only reason Danielle has taken the lid off the sexual cookie jar is because she wants to stay in his house and doesn’t have the money to buy it on her own. And apparently Marty’s too enthralled to remember all the bad shit Danielle pulled last year.
Marge also wonders why Danielle Staub is so far up Teresa’s ass. Could it be that Danielle and Teresa are knocking boots? Well, the lady pond was a fun place for Melissa that one time in college, but she doubts her sis-in-law is playing on the girls’ team.
Finally, we arrive at Steven Dann’s boutique. (Teresa is ready to spend more of Joe’s money.) Danielle arrives in head to toe Versace. Teresa is putting away the wine, one glass after another. Dolores pops in, wearing a leopard print maxi dress. When Teresa admires Danielle’s shoes, she mentions that Margaret once commented on Danielle’s bunions. Danielle disparages Margaret’s cankles as Teresa cracks up. Dolores can’t figure out why Teresa is laughing behind Marge’s back.
Soon, Melissa toddles in. Jackie comes next. She and Teresa are cordial with one another, which seems like a big step forward. Marge finally arrives. She says hello to everyone and calls Danielle “Versace”. She kisses Teresa hello, but Teresa is souring on Marge. And finally, Jen steps into the store.
Soon the women start talking about 69ing. Jackie doesn’t like performing or receiving oral attention. The other women are shocked. But soon Marge, Jen, Dolores, Melissa, and Jackie start talking about Danielle’s porn tape. The men watched it during their poker night and weren’t impressed. Jackie’s grateful. It put her husband, Evan, off sex for two weeks.
Meanwhile, Danielle Staub is bitching to Teresa about how all the other women are gathering together and leaving her out. Even Melissa, who is now one of Marge’s “minions”. And Jennifer has admitted that she’s afraid of Danielle. They discuss how they don’t want sushi because it reminds them of Danielle, and Teresa’s temper starts to simmer.
Teresa walks across the store with Danielle in tow. She says she’s had enough. The women are confused by her anger. They thought they were having a good time. But Teresa says they need to address the elephant in the room. The Versace-clad elephant, Margaret wants to know? Danielle calls Marge a trout mouth. They bring up Marty, and Teresa accuses Marge of trying to break up Danielle’s marriage. Marge defends herself, and Dolores yells that it’s all nonsense.
Margaret goes through all the lies that Danielle told about Marty. The woman even filed a restraining order against him for allegedly abusing her daughters. Teresa waves it off, saying he never hurt Danielle’s daughters. Then why did she swear to it in court papers, Margaret wants to know. Then Teresa backtracks, saying maybe Marty did hurt the girls, but it’s all in the past. Margaret is mortified at Teresa’s answer.
Melissa Gorga understands what Marge is trying to do — hit Teresa with the facts. But Teresa doesn’t want to hear the truth. Even Dolores thinks Teresa is an idiot for believing Danielle’s lies. Ultimately, Marge calls Danielle a liar. Danielle insists she’s a good person, then brings up Marge’s affair with her husband, Joe. Marge calls Danielle a prostitute, and that’s when Danielle gets right up in Marge’s face. The women see what’s coming and start yelling at Danielle to back off.
Melissa and Jacki try to get between the two women. Marge tells Teresa that Danielle has been dragged and ridden hard. Danielle wedges her way to stand next to Marge and Teresa. She insults Marge’s breasts, saying they’ve been dragged and ridden hard. So…Marge dumps her water on top of Danielle’s head.
Danielle Staub takes Marge’s purse and pulls everything out of it and shoves it in a hand-painted candle. Melissa begins yelling about how embarrassed she is. Dolores picks up Margaret’s stuff while Melissa and Teresa scream at each other.
Danielle makes to leave and hugs Steven Dann goodbye. But she steps behind Marge and yanks on her ponytail so hard, Marge is bent in half.
Yep, Happy New Year! So, who’s more at fault — Marge or Danielle Staub?