After a storm comes a calm — but let’s be real, we know that The Real Housewives of New Jersey gals won’t let cake-gate swim with the fishes anytime soon.
The episode begins back home in the garden state — the cast is in recovery mode from the Florida dinner party mayhem. Margaret and her staff are planing a soiree for the product launch of her new summer cosmetic bag, while gossiping about her favorite soggy topic — Siggy. Pigtails labels Siggy “unhinged,” but is confident that they can move past the drama. Margaret is hosting the event in her under construction home, and spills that her contractor/husband won’t let another pro inside the house — knowing firsthand that her pigtails attract men like flies to garbage. Meanwhile, Siggy and her hubby roll meatballs, and determine that while Teresa and Melissa were just as vile as Margaret, they’re the lesser of three evils. Siggy decides to make up with them, and ditch the rookie.
Dolores next confronts her ex, Frank, over calling their son an “embarrassment,” over his failure to submit timely college applications. Oddly, Dolores has a ensemble of garments on hangers laid out all around her kitchen, like a Goodwill showroom. Dolores updates Frank on the Boca girls trip — and explains how Margaret’s loyalty is controlled by opportunity — as in opportunity to kiss Teresa’s ass.
Across the NJ turnpike — Teresa, Melissa and Joe are moving Papa Gorga into Teresa’s house. The trio rehashes the drama from — where else — Boca Raton. The girls gloss over their behavior, and place all the blame on Siggy losing her mind. They’ve decided that Siggy thinks that she’s “too good for them,” but Joe wants to know if Dolores had their backs. He’s shocked to learn the woman he considers “la familia” was objective, and sided with Siggy. “Where’s the f*cking loyalty — what’s up with this girl?” Joe asks during the gossip sesh.
Over in Montclair, Margaret pays Melissa’s
redone boutique a visit. Melissa spooks viewers with an eerily familiar sounding greeting — delivering a spot-on Teresa when she bellows out a squealing — “Welcome to Envy!!” As expected, Margaret loves everything about the store, and Melissa is googly-eyed over Margaret’s merchandising wisdom — judge for yourself. Danielle pops in and is so giddy to just be on the show, that she offers nothing but yeses and enthusiastic nods. Margaret reveals that Siggy blocked her on social media, and inquiries if the other ladies are also shut out. They’re not — sorry Pigtails!
Margaret decides to call Siggy and invite her to her launch party, while the ladies listen in like teenagers. Siggy politely lets her know that she wants no part of her
shit-stirring ways, declining the invitation. “I appreciate the invite but I have to respectfully decline. Too much happened in Boca,” Siggy declares. Margaret hangs up, and in a struggle to grasp the concepts of loyalty/gratitude, dismisses Siggy as “psychotic.” Danielle shares that she’d be shocked if Dolores doesn’t show up, and they all agree. Margaret’s quick alliance switch is much like her quirky intrusion into the cast this season — unnecessary and mean-spirited. Three episodes in, and badmouthing Siggy has become her bonding strategy with the other ladies.
We check in with Dolores, who’s having dinner with her ex and her son — the scene reminiscent of the Sopranos, with Frank’s cuffed shirt and the thick New Jersey accents. The ex-couple advises their son to lay off the women and hit the books.
We jump over to Melissa and Joe, relaxing at home. Joe is grappling with writing an inscription for his belated mother’s mausoleum. He’s struggling with the loss of his mother, and the pain is still fresh. You can see the stress has taken a toll on him — he’s lost a ton of weight.
Siggy and Teresa later meet up for drinks to try to reboot their friendship. Siggy explains that she’s upset that Teresa didn’t have her back during the mud-sling in Florida. According to Teresa — Siggy behaved out of character over a destroyed $1,500 cake, and was out of line when she spanked their hands at her friend’s house. The issue with Margaret comes up, and Siggy explains that she doesn’t appreciate being called “Soggy.” Siggy announces that she can’t stand Margaret, and wants to rip her
scraggly pigtails out of her scalp.
The next day, Joe takes Melissa out for lunch, but she’s in for a Bravo surprise when she learns that her hubby has bought the Italian eatery. Melissa is not happy about the purchase, and while experienced, she has no plans to wait tables
dance on a pole or bartend in the joint. Melissa feels blindsided, because when she pretended to open ENVY, Joe was not supportive.
We cross the GWB into NYC, where Teresa and her lawyer are meeting with her publisher about her upcoming book, “Standing Strong.” The sure to be bestseller will allow Teresa to dig deep, and heave her jailed husband, Joe, way under the bus and run him over a few times. The publisher is pushing for Teresa to dig even deeper and reveal more of her struggles. They appeal for her to take her guard down and give them more — and oh boy — does she deliver.
Back over at Margaret’s construction zone, she’s going crazy trying to prep for the launch party. Meanwhile, Teresa and Melissa are getting ready for the bash simultaneously in their own homes. Joe grabs the chance to flirt with Melissa’s gay make up artist. Well, alrighty then!
A mob begins to pile in at Margaret’s and this is not some quaint cocktail party. A psychedelic jumpsuit, chintzy decor, and cheap food — Halloween came early at Margaret’s house and it’s scaring the bejesus out of me! One of the partygoers includes her ex husband (Jan Josephs) — the guy she ditched for the on-the-clock carpenter. The encounter is awkward. Melissa and Teresa arrive together and it’s no surprise that Melissa thinks the event is just fabulous. Danielle appears, and the ladies huddle together in a private room to gossip about the ladies of the hour — Siggy and Dolores. Margaret shares a text message from Dolores, where she declines her invite.
Teresa tells Margaret that she met with Siggy, and she spilled that she hates her guts — and her hair. Margaret sends a text to Siggy, asking for a showdown to settle their beef. Margaret pretends to be the bigger person but throws “you brought me into the group” back in Siggy’s face “Hi, weird you’re not here, especially with the girls you introduced me too. Lets try to put this past us and meet in person. XOXO,” Margaret’s text message read. Dolores finds the text disingenuous but Siggy appreciates the olive branch and accepts the invite minus the XO.
Siggy and Dolores ditch Margaret’s
Rocky Horror Picture Show shindig and throw themselves a girlie slumber party, complete with 7-layer deep skin masks and wine. One thing is clear, these two have a genuine friendship, in a reality TV world filled with fugazi devotion. In a talking head confessional, Dolores shares that Siggy was there for her after a bad breakup, and she’ll never forget her devoted support.
The next day, Margaret and Siggy hold a cease-fire meeting at a diner. Right away, Siggy lets Margaret know that her feelings are hurt after the cake-throwing spectacle. Margaret doesn’t get it, and that leads to a shouting match over Siggy’s shutting her and Dolores out of the memorial on the beach. The “Soggy” diss is rehashed, and Margaret chalks up the drama to her spot-on Joan Rivers impression. By the way, Margaret and Siggy both knew the comedienne, and the two squabble over who knew Joan better. Siggy then casually informs Margaret that she would like to destroy her.
There is no compromise, as the women bicker back and forth, hurling insults. Siggy becomes overwhelmed with the chaos and starts to cry, which breaks the tension. Margaret apologizes, and the two share a laugh — but don’t count on these two becoming fast friends.
Don’t forget to tune into The Real Housewives of New Jersey every Wednesday at 9:00 p.m. ET.