#VanderpumpRules Recap: Lala Kent Denies Being a Homewrecker!

Welcome back to Part 2 of the Vanderpump Rules Reunion show. Scheana has returned after walking off the set because she’s a professional. (Insert laughter here.) Andy Cohen starts off tonight’s episode by putting Lala and her “man” under the microscope. We learn that his name is Randall, or Rand for short, and he loves the show, even though he won’t be on it. Lala name drops that Martin Scorsese also loves the show. As for gifts to Lala, Rand pays for her rent, but she exceeds it and must pay the difference. No details were given on how she pays the difference. Rand also pays for her cars (with an s) but Lala must pay her own insurance. She denies her man is a sugar daddy and accuses James of having his own sugar daddy because he sleeps on some old man’s couch. James and Lala get into a yelling match and Lala tells James he’s dismissed.

Onto the topic of the “Eff Off Jax” party thrown by Stassi. Andy wants to know if the purpose was to help Brittany or to hurt Jax. Can’t it be both? Brittany thanks all the girls for having her back. Andy asks Kristen a question, but I can’t concentrate on her answer due to her saggy boobs nearly popping out of her green dress. Jax swears he only slept with Faith once. Lisa comes to Jax’s defense by pointing out because Faith recorded it, that made it a premeditated move, proof that Faith was so desperate to get on the show she’d sleep with Jax. So why did Lala play the recording for Brittany? Again with the yelling from Lala. Sandoval tells Lala playing that recording at a party where everyone was trashed wasn’t the right time. Lala screams it’s never the right time to hear your man having sex with another person. When she’s right, she’s right.

Next, Andy asks Lala why Scheana was so against her patching things up with Katie. Lala says it’s easier to forgive when it’s about you and this wasn’t about Scheana. Scheana says the apology from Katie wasn’t genuine. Lala however did try and even the score when she told Katie that Schwartz made out with some girl at a bar. To this day, Schwartz still doesn’t remember any of it on account of he’s a stinking drunk. Katie says she has chosen to get over it because she sees the bigger picture. That bigger picture is she has nothing else going on in her life. The good news is Schwartz felt like such a possum’s prick over hurting Katie, he wants to change. Unfortunately he’s stuck with the possum’s prick, but perhaps he could get control of his drinking. Lisa tells Schwartz he had better get it together or he’s out of club TomTom, and then it would just be club Tom, and that’s no fun.

The conversation moves on to Stassi’s death birthday party and how Patrick didn’t dress up for it. This should have been a sign that he’s not into her, but Stassi was still too blinded by his man bun. Stassi says she got too wasted at her party, couldn’t talk with Patrick and lost it, though she doesn’t recall what exactly flipped the switch and made her leave. Andy commends Katie and Kristen for not chasing after Stassi even though they got stuck with the tab.

Andy wants to know why Lisa gave James yet another chance. Because she’s a sucker for George Michael. James reminisces about spending time as a child with his godfather. Andy says he heard George left a lot of his estate to his god-children, but James says he can’t talk about it because it’s still a Careless Whisper in the court system. They talk about James’ father and how he never got the chance to make amends with George Michael before his passing, but the cameras keep cutting to Jax and his brooding face.

Andy changes gears to discuss how Scheana retaliated against Jax for spreading the rumor that Rob didn’t love her. Scheana says she didn’t set up Brittany and Adam on a date, it was just a group of people getting together, y’all, no biggie. Lisa calls bullshit on this. Jax says that Adam is actually a cool guy and Brittany acted appropriately, it’s Scheana who was the bitch. Scheana explains she just wanted Brittany to know there are other men out there that will treat her way better than Jax and she deserves that. Can’t hate a girl for that.

Billie Lee joins the group with her bad blond hair. We learn Billie Lee grew up in Indiana and felt the shame from the town and her parents. She made the “change” in Thailand not long after she moved to LA. Andy is super curious about shopping for a vagina. Billie says her research began with watching lots and lots of porn to find the perfect vajayjay. Andy asks about Billie Lee and Jeremy, and what Stassi and Kristen said about him being creepy – right before going out with him. Stassi claims she had no idea that was a problem. Seriously? What Stassi did was creepier. So far, Billie Lee’s dating life has not improved from being on the show and she’s still single.

Onto the reiki master! Before Jax can open his mouth to explain his experience, Stassi tells Jax that Kelsey’s a hack who doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing. Then everyone else pounces on the so-called reiki master. Jax claims there was nothing sexual going on, but nobody believes him. Brittany says at first she didn’t think anything was wrong until she watched it back and, like, duh, now thinks Kelsey had emoji heart eyes for Jax. Jax cops to being a coward and looking for ways to sabotage his relationship with Brittany. As for Brittany’s mom forgiving Jax so soon, Brittany says that’s just her momma and she’s the best thing since sliced ham hocks.

Next, Andy asks Lala to define feminism: If you want to shake your money maker, you do you it. Feminism by Lala – a new fragrance sold by nobody. Lisa says Lala is not the quintessential feminist, by any stretch of the imagination. But here’s the thing, when Lala gets mad, she goes for the jugular and that jugular usually involves putting other women down. Jax shares his thoughts on complete strangers telling Brittany she’s fat and has the nerve to say #metoo. Idiot has no clue.

Next Andy talks about Katie’s new take on life. She’s not exactly happy, but she’s not as pissed off as last year. Katie explains she took inventory of her life after last years’ season of the bitch. It also doesn’t hurt to take one or two less tequila shots. Next, Katie talks about her scar. In 2009 she was on a friend’s roof and sat on the skylight. It broke and Katie fell 25 feet, breaking her collarbone, shoulder, ribs, jaw and she suffered a brain injury. Katie tears up watching a video she made 7 days later, but feels this was a breakthrough. Schwartz and Katie kiss and say how far Katie has come this year…if only Schwartz could grow as well.

Tune in next week for the conclusion of Vanderpump Rules Reunion show as the cast discuss if James and Kristen hooked up in Mexico, Jax and Brittany’s hookup/breakup, and to see several other cast members walk off the set.

 

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