RECAP: #SisterWives “Just Trying to Stay Afloat” [Episode 7]

Time to jump back on the Sister Wives hamster wheel, where people multiply like those cute hairy pets! The project of the week is building a cardboard boat, to race in a local silly regatta.  Mare, looking festively pumpkiny this week, is in full support of any insanity, that she can successfully escape. The family needs some paper bending expertise, so they attend a Home Depot-esque seminar on cardboard boat building. The comedian teacher tries out his stand up shtick, as he guides them through the nautical craftsmanship, necessary to stay afloat.  Kody asks who wants to spend hours folding massive amounts of cardboard, and shiny, orange Mare bows out, to pursue other more productive endeavors. 

The group decides on a Viking knockoff, and Robyn wreaks havoc by trying to control the logistics, a true reflection of her impact on the Brown bunch. Christine encourages her to just throw in the towel, because their King Viking always gets his way. Kody, Christine, and Robyn put their heads together, and brilliantly deduce that the boat needs to float, and the paint should be dry prior to it’s launch. Painting is super important, and it’s evidently challenging to remember the drying phase.  

Over at Janelle’s, the second project takes shape, as the kids weigh in on their design ideas.  Janelle is crabby, and the kids throw themselves into the effort with gusto. Kody reminds his harem that he is never wrong, and to can it with their lame engineering revelations.  Kody breaks out his signature furrowed browed scowl, and wears his purple-power button-down, to emphasize his point. Janelle checks in with boat #1, and admits that it’s super fancy, but not worth watching Kody sweat all day. Christine and Robyn ramble stupid imitations of their dreamy captain, trying to muster anything remotely entertaining out of this boring story. Kody throws out the number 69 relating to a design shape, he and Robyn exchange glances and stifle smirks, and I just may barf.  Christine loses her temper at Kody for bossing her around, and Kody admits that being perpetually on-point occasionally makes him grumpy. Mare is off working on her orangey glow, off camera. Janelle’s family admits that this boat project blows, and it makes me wonder WHY Kody isn’t helping them at all.  I am obviously Team Janelle!

It’s time to get serious, when we learn that Robyn’s ex is meeting with Sasha the lawyer, to discuss abandoning his children to another man.  The deserter supposedly signs away his flesh and blood, and Robyn and Kody go hunt down Mare to share the joy. Whatever happened to the war? Mare’s WHOLE goal in divorcing Kody was this victory, so they are excited to give her the news. Meri grunts out a “congratulations,” but looks stiff and less than thrilled.  Kody bear hugs her, and she appears repulsed by his touch. Kody feels unbelievable, and Mare agrees that he feels unbelievably icky. Christine reacts genuinely with tears of joy, while Mare forces out plastic smiles, and resumes her leg twitching on the TLC sofa. Mare assures us that this is a good thing, despite every oversized pore of her countenance telling us otherwise. A little clue…Mare asserts that this will mean BIG changes on the Brown cul de sac.  Hmmmm. 

Kody and Robyn gather their kiddos together, to break the news that their real father is throwing them to the Brown wolves.  Mare drags over to reluctantly accept the credit and cringe through the praise. Dayton looks hurt, and comments that he is baffled, and Kody swoops his best girl, emotional Aurora, into a big, creepy hug. Christine reminds us that polygamists never win custody battles, which makes this televised victory extra epic.  After Robyn’s kids adjust to being unwanted, the rest of the kids are told, and their reaction is flat, like who around here needs more siblings? Mare agrees. Gabriel awkwardly thanks God for a father writing off his kids, an odd choice of words, to say the least. Aurora can’t stop bawling, overwhelmed at her new shiny future as a Brown, hopefully remaining the child variety.    

The boat construction continues, with paint disagreements bringing tears and apologies. Mare makes a break for it, now that she has been given relief from the adoption blather. Back at Janelle’s, the whole scenario looks like torture, and no one expects the saggy wreck to float. Luckily, Logan and Hunter are going to use their muscles to keep them from sinking like a rock. 

We hear that Robyn’s kids spoke to their old father, whom they call “Preston,” and supposedly everyone is fine with just being acquaintances. Lawyer Sasha phones in, and spills the tea about Preston being a shirking champ, and Kody and Robyn smooch in celebration. The bickering continues at Janelle’s, but Gabriel assures us that constant arguing is the norm, and that TLC just gives them a generous edit. Everyone is tired, except Mare, who is nowhere to be seen. Kody flips his mop and loses it, when Gabriel uses some of his paint to paint their humble dinghy, raging that their yacht of perfection will not be denied.  Janelle is happy that she is away from Kody’s mouth, and wants to whoop that tacky show-off next door.

The Cardboard Regatta kicks off, and some of the boats are fancy and seaworthy. Janelle’s box makes it across the pond, and does great. The pink Sister Wives Closet boat launches, and Kody is terrified of being embarrassed as a loser, forgetting that most viewers always think of him that way.  The crew paddles in circles and finishes last, Janelle’s box comes in second, and the pink yacht wins the most creatively gaudy, just like it’s sponsor. Mare is yanked back to the couch for the final interview, as they lament the problems that could arise from the adoption process.  She resists rolling her eyes, and focuses on her toes, as the others ramble on about the challenges that remain. 

It’s off to California next week, as Kody works to connect with his daughters.  The embarrassment is crossing state lines, so don’t miss it!

 

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