RECAP: Real Housewives of New York — Welcome To Scary Island 2.0 [Episode 12]

On this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New York,” we are still stuck at Luann’s launch party, with Kristen walking out of the room, nearly knocking some guy over, after being bitch slapped by Singer with a Stinger. Dorinda is quick to tell Ramona that she was a mean girl and it isn’t a good look on her. Ramona’s intentions were good, but her application was sh*tty. This is why Dorinda rocks. You tell her, girl!

Sonja shows up just in time to stumble onto the red carpet. It’s a good party. Lot’s of people are there and the drinks are pouring. Heather can be heard in the background slamming Sonja for dinking like a “effing” fish, suggesting that’s how she gained the five pounds that went to her ass. Microphone, dear. Not to worry, Sonja’s already met a “hot” young, new friend that Ramona eventually pulls her away from.

Bethenny arrives and makes the mistake of saying hello to Sonja and Kristen. Sonja fills Bethenny in on the scene the Ramoaner caused upstairs in the suite with Kristen over being “attacked.” Bethenny says that she wasn’t “attacked” per say, but when Kristen put’s her sourpuss face on, that’s Bethenny’s cue to run. Sonja mumbles something about the bar and high-tails it out of there. After the back and forth nonsense between Bethenny and Kristen, they finally get to the heart of the matter, being called dumb. Bethenny says she doesn’t recall using that word, but admits it probably was negative, whatever she said about the name choice “Pop of Color.” They talk it to death, then get a drink.

A few of the girls are looking at the collection, which is for the masses, not the classes, according to Sonja, with Robin the Swami Priestess comes out of nowhere to tell Sonja not to wear the clothes because it’s too schleppy for her. Oy vey, Swami Robin. Luann didn’t hear that, but someone is bound to tell her and my money’s on sourpuss face.

Finally! It’s time to go to the Turks & Caicos, and not rain, sleet nor snow will keep the ladies from going. They are staying at Bella Vita Villa, a gorgeous, modern mcmansion with 7 bedrooms, a private beach, a private pool, but the air-conditioning isn’t on. Ramona wins the award for 1^st Person to Complain. Bethenny instructs the staff that they are menopausal women who must be frozen out.

It’s time to race for rooms. Sonja and Ramona begin running because they deserve the biggest room. The problem is, the want different rooms and their claims to whatever they want are annoying Bethenny. But Sonja needs a bathtub and the master doesn’t have one. Taking a shower while sharing a room with another woman would just be weird. Bethenny tells Ramona that her delivery sucks and she is not lord of the manor. It’s been five years since Bethenny has been on vacation with Ramona, and like the pain of childbirth, she forgot the pain that’s involved when traveling with Ramona.

Ramona involves one staff sucker to help her unpack because we’ve all learned by now that she’s incapable of doing this task herself. Luann and Bethenny gossip outside by the pool about how they want to strangle Ramona. As if on cue, Ramona saunters outside in her yellow bikini and high-heeled wedges to partially apologize for her behavior to Bethenny…not to Luann, then goes off to lift weights.

The ladies swim, paddle board (somewhat) and relax outdoors, before getting dressed for dinner. And this is when the trouble begins. Sonja says she’s worried that Ramona is lonely and needs to have sex. Ramona denies she’s lonely and doesn’t want to jump in bed with every guy like Sonja does. Ouch! Sonja says she doesn’t sleep with every man, just flirts with every man. In fact, she’s been faithful to her boytoy since they hooked up a couple of weeks ago. Can Sonja help it if she’s popular? Totally not her fault.

Kristen wins the award for (hold on to your drinks ladies) Voice of Reason when she suggests that Ramona date men, but not have sex with them. Ramona begins hugging, thanking, and practically rubbing up against Kristen. The situation concerning Sonja’s behavior the prior week, where she made out with every man in the Boutique, is brought up again by Ramonstigator, announcing to everyone that Sonja was coming on to one of Luann’s friend’s boyfriends. This insult is below the belt and the beginning of Sonja’s tangent about being the group’s whipping boy.

Bethenny steps in to try and calm the situation, and repeatedly asks Sonja to listen, but Sonja won’t stop talking because she’s on a loop. Bethenny informs Sonja that she’s been drinking a lot, but is not judging because she, too, is numbing her pain the same way. Sonja gets defensive and will still not stop talking, even when Bethenny yells to STFU. 

The rest of the ladies are outside trying to have dinner, but Ramona is getting agitated and can’t take the arguing because this isn’t about her. Luann goes inside to shut it down but is quickly shut down by Bethenny and told to leave.Next up is Ramona who claims Bethenny and Sonja are stressing her out. Bethenny tells her to leave and shut the effing door on the way out. Dorinda looks like she is contemplating chartering a flight back to the states to get away from these crazy bitches. And Bethenny and Sonja hug it out though nothing is accomplished.

Sonja eventually joins the ladies outside for dinner. As an attempt to lighten things up, Bethenny asks Luann when the last time she had the best sex of her life was. Lucky for us, it was only two nights ago. It’s like Luann found a new religion the way she tells of her screaming heart, how wonderfully empowered she is now and no longer needs a man. Sonja says she can’t wait to meet the new woman in Luann’s life. Hah! Way to get the last dig, Sonja!

Tune in next week when more drama, drinking and fighting ensues. Be cool (or uncool) until then.

 

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