RECAP: #TeenMomOG Reunion Part 1 — Amber Portwood Storms Off The Set!

The cast is reuniting on “Teen Mom OG,” to discuss the dramatic ups and downs, which have brought the four post-teens to where they are today. The always annoying Dr. Drew is at the helm, and after reminding us of the plummeting teen birth rates the reality show can indeed boast about, he dives right in.

Ryan is the first one in the hot seat, and he begins by sharing the details of his latest bout of recklessness, this time in a moving…then crashing vehicle. He agrees with his baby mama about the sketchy return of Farrah Abraham, and believes that a porn star who hawks cooch molds has no place on a show about ornery teens. Dr. Drew enlightens him by reminding him that icky moms will do anything to support their children, including morphing into unrecognizable backdoor mannequins. Ryan is enthusiastic about Maci’s swell boyfriend Taylor, and they welcome the very pregnant and still unmarried Maci Bookout on stage. Maci believes that she has changed dramatically, due to the fact that she no longer acts like raging bitch. 

Ryan stares at Dr. Drew without blinking, for a shot of extra sincerity, while trying not to cringe outwardly at sharing a couch with his bitchy ex-ball and chain.  The duo is working hard on their communication, and Ryan is passionately committed to grunting out a word or two more often.  Dr. Drew is sold, and is convinced that the couple has indeed put the invisible Bentley’s needs first.  Maci has since given birth to a daughter.

Amber is next, and as we relive the last few months in the recovering junkie’s life, we witness Amber assure the doc that she will be seeking custody of their daughter, Leah. Amber is rocking some new purply pink hair, and looks healthy. She states that she is currently seeking joint custody, to be an equal opportunity mother to young Leah. Dr. Drew shares that he had visited Amber during her prison stint, and was impressed by her killer leadership skills. He decides to put her on the spot, and calls her out for breaking junkie recovery rules regarding drinking and getting romantically involved with super old guys. Amber nonsensically assures him that drinking does not trigger her, because her father died from alcoholism. She then comments that her much older squeeze is her true dreamboat, even though he gets drunk and punches walls once in awhile. 

We are reminded that Matt was a “Teen Mom” superfan, and as if that isn’t weird enough, a recovering addict who still knocks back the booze. Amber emphatically assures Dr. Drew that all is good, because they definitely don’t beat on each other, at least when there are MTV footed hotel walls to punch. Baby daddy Gary joins in, clearly enjoying his new reclining parking spot. Amber admits to grieving the lost relationship with her hefty ex-love, which invites smug grins from Gary, obviously pleased with his irresistible allure. He drops the bomb that his newest lady-love incubator was married when they met, which posed a dirty and complicated relationship issue. Gary nails Amber, reminding her that he has sole custody due to HER junkie ways, and Dr. Drew keeps it real by reminding them to just be thankful to be bruise free. 

The audience applauds in agreement. Amber’s brother Shawn jumps into the exchange, expressing protective brotherly horror at what he witnessed over the months of the season.  Matt joins them, dressed in his most youthfully hip ensemble, and sagely defends himself by denying all internet reports of his skeeziness. Dr. Drew ticks off the long list of concerns, and Shawn fairly questions Matt’s probable house-flopping motives.  Matt admits to shacking up with Amber the minute their once-bloodshot eyes met, confirming Shawn’s worry about his sis.  Amber asserts that it was simply a beautiful junkie love connection, and Matt admits to being a lame father to two children, and neglecting all sobriety maintenance. Amber gets pissy at Dr. Drew for challenging the couple, as to why they have gone against all common sense decision making. Dr. Drew tells Amber to chill, as she storms off in a huff. 

Production coaxes her off her righteous ledge, and the group resumes their chat.  They all agree that Matt is a very nice addict, as Matt nods, wide eyed in agreement.  They banter about the upcoming wedding, pre-nups, school, work, and the culture shock of  relocating from Boston to Indiana in the blink of an eye.  Amber and Matt are just happy to be together, and to separate only for occasional 5 hour gym breaks.   

Next week Farrah and Catelynn take their turns in Dr. Drew’s hot seat, as  Teen Mom OG officially wraps.  See you then! 

 

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