Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: “Star Sighting” [Episode 5]

We begin this episode of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” in Mallorca, Spain, joining the Umanksy family on their ultra extravagant family vacation. Yolanda is rocking her best Baywatch look, as she emotionally deals with the news of the DUI arrest of her daughter Bella. She is afraid of melting down and eating more than four bites in front of Kyle, and can’t wait to leave, so she can begin her American soil excuse rehearsals for her extremely mature since the womb, and oh SO extraordinary, but kinda drunk daughter. She switches gears between minimizing the seriousness of drunk driving, and being a genuinely raw, grieving mother, and I am seesawing between annoyance and empathy, but it’s Yolanda, so of course annoyance wins.  Yolanda is no longer in charge of Bella’s destiny and life, and determines that Bella is actually an extra crummier version of herself, with Gigi solidly retaining her better version status. Mauricio and Kyle are more than gracious, and try to keep the energy positive, even though downer Yolanda is really putting a damper on the extra ostentatious vibe they were going for.

It’s tea time at Eileen’s, and she and her visiting niece are ready to rehearse some script lines. Eileen explains that her husband loves the money she makes while she’s working, plus it’s much harder to bicker when she’s never home. She and her niece cram onto a love seat that looks like it’s in the middle of a cluttered flea market storage room, wave her giant Emmy around, and practice their best soap opera glares. 

Back in Queen Lisa’s private space, the roadside housekeeper Magdalena brings in a bathed Giggy, shamefully mistaking the probably grateful pup for a grubby dog, and not a baby that just needed a change.  We are reminded about Lisa’s upcoming award ceremony, while she jams Giggy into a hideous mint green number, as he rolls his eyes. Lisa Lips is getting ready for the same trip, and she is touched to be Lisa V’s faithful cheerleader, for the big event. GOOO L-I-S-A!!

Eileen is reporting to work at CBS with her son Jessie, who grew up schlepping to work with his mom. Jessie seems less than thrilled to be at that stinky studio, but it’s fun to get a little peek into the life of a soap star. King David is also hard at work, and is too busy earning his Tony to have lunch with Yolanda. Yo decides that no is the wrong answer, and busts in to force feed him dry chicken anyway. Yolanda is digesting being the mother of a newly immature reprobate, and thanks David for handling the incident in her absence, like a champ. David even asked the famous Dr. Phil to please explain Bella’s lapse of perfection, who wisely reminded him that middle children tend to resent being labeled mature at birth.

The force feeding continues, and this time Brandi’s podcast is on our listening menu. Brandi explains that she’s committed to giving the best family friendly smut interviews possible, and Vivica Fox pops in to help her out. Vivica comes through like a focused pro, and drops about a half dozen F bombs, which makes Brandi feel like her old trashy self again. We skip back to CBS, where Eileen fills us in on her favorite soap opera roles, warmly noting a priest raping favorite. Eileen loves her job, especially when she gets to make out with guys in the shower.

Kim and her ex, Monty are getting pedicures, and besides the foot close ups, it is a nice scene between two close friends. Ken and Lisa arrive in Palm Springs, and are excited to spend a couple of days away.  The two Lisas are going to hang, because the rest of the women are just flat out party poopers, and a couple of her best gay besties are way more fun. We see Kyle and Mauricio glide on home in their giant, and hopefully impressive limo, just in time for Brooke’s wedding. Kyle’s dogs were missed, and one of them scores a Chanel dog bowl, while Kyle squeals with proud delight.

We hop over to Lisa and her friends sitting down to dinner, and Rocio has come along as Giggy’s date. We hear of Ken and Lisa’s 22 year old son Max’s relationship with a 36 year old, and the whole table throws side eyes, while Lisa shares tidbits about the sort of odd match up. We top off the dinner by discussing what a wonderful support Lisa is to the gay community, and how Brazilian bikini waxes leave women vulnerable to the harsh elements. Rocio looks uncomfortable, and dumps Giggy to get the heck out of there. The intrusion continues, as we flash to Yolanda almost clunking three people in the teeth with her Martha Stewart picnic basket, while forcing herself into a musical scene, as the King forces a weak smile through clenched teeth.

Back in Palm Springs, Max, Pandora and Jason arrive to celebrate Lisa’s big day. A second special day is kicking off, because it is Brooke’s wedding day! Kyle whines about so much gluttonous opulence causing jet lag…was coming home a day earlier for such a special event never even considered? Kim plays along when Kyle asks about the dress code, somehow expecting the viewers to believe that Kyle put more thought into a dog dish, than what she would be parading around in during a televised wedding. Monty and Kim meet up, and it’s a sweet and heartfelt display between two parents who are about to give their daughter away. It’s time for Lisa’s star ceremony, and the other Lisa is excited because she is in her element around any sort of glittery star. They arrive to a crowd wearing pink, except Lisa, who is strangely wearing black. Lisa, Giggy and Ken are introduced, and Lance Bass congratulates Lisa for supporting the whole pretty gay town of Palm Springs. Lisa is excited that her star is neighbors with Sonny Bono’s….I so agree!  The star is revealed and it’s snazzy.  

Kyle has decided that KIM’S daughter’s wedding is HER moment too…but apparently not momentous enough to have returned home in time to be rested, known the dress code, or have had a dress chosen. The three Richards sisters look lovely, and Kim cries as she remembers Brooke as a baby, while some old family photos are shared. The pre-wedding, and wedding visuals are beautiful, and the couple is adorable. Congrats to Brooke and Thayer...but it looks like all of this heart warming nonsense is coming to an end next week…and I am READY!

 

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