Preachers of LA Recap: “The Apology” [Episode 11]

We all know what the definition of crazy is, don’t we? So why do Loretta and Noel persist in expecting Ron to accept their non-platonic friendship? The one guy on the show who’s against breaking the commandment against adultery is the bad guy, while Loretta and Noel whine that it’s nobody’s business. Well, here we go again. Noel tells us, “I will not allow anyone to diminish her value!” Anyone except him, that is. Let’s remember he’s the one who’s created this situation by living with a woman he refuses to marry for 17 long, grueling, heart wrenching years.

Clarence, whom we haven’t seen in a while, is in Atalanta to begin a regular monthly outreach. He “wants to make sure we’re doing everything in excellence.” Um, ok. I think I get what that means, as convoluted as it is. Oh! He’s not just here to make money off some dumb fools, he’s here to check in on his daughter and check out her finance. (I wonder how Loretta feels knowing Clarence‘s daughter has a finance?)

Cut to Myesha trying to protest about how she’s not sure she wants to make a song with her brother. Gee, such a tough decision. So hard to just tell her brother yes, or no, depending upon the quality of the song, right?

Ron and Lavette discuss “Preach L.A.” and the Loretta and Noel situation. Seems Lavette believes Noel when he says their relationship is not sexual. Well, that leaves one other option. Noel is gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Well, according to Seinfeld anyway. We’ll just have to wait to see what happens at the next “Preach L.A.” meeting because Ron‘s still not buying that bill of goods!

Keishon is Myesha‘s brother. He’s a “musician.” These days, being a musician means creating loops and using drum beats from garage band. He starts rapping some stupid lyrics about wetness and wide thighs, so Myesha revolts. Not to worry, according to Keishon, he’ll clean it up for her.

Clarence‘s daughter and fiance are grilled at dinner by Clarence. His theory is a man shouldn’t get married until he’s 30. The subtext is that men are idiots until they’re 30. By the way, he found out about the engagement on Instagram, so you can tell they’re real close.

Ah, Fish Lips and Chris Isaak are hosting the “Preach L.A.” meeting. How delightful! Jay was offended he didn’t know Dominique was knocked up when he married her and Dietrick, but he’s A-OK with the whole Loretta and Noel  imbroglio. (That’s a fancy word for an f”d up mess!) Something is up with Loretta‘s hair. Oh. Sorry. It’s her real hair I’m seeing and she seems to done something strange to it. I digress. Let’s discuss the “Preach L.A.” event which Dietrick now wants to call “Reach L.A.” because heaven forbid anyone gets the wrong idea. Then Dietrick, being the man of God he is, says Clarence, or “Mac” as they call him, won’t show up “cause he’s run out of s-curl activator!” Laughter ensues. I suppose that put down humor is a next to Godliness, don’t you?

Moving on to real business, Noel declares that Loretta and Lavette will work together in making this thing happen, and he turns to Ron and confronts him about how Ron feels. Hat’s off to Ron, literally, who takes his hat off to state his case again. “…I feel uncomfortable participating in a preaching crusade when I know my dear friend is in a relationship with somebody 17 years without marrying them,” says Ron. Noel responds again with “there is no sin,” which I suppose we’re meant to translate as “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Gay. And I guess Loretta does know it, and that’s why she keeps hanging on the ever-so-slim hope that Noel will marry her. The camera cuts to each person in the room, looking real serious, waiting for Loretta to speak her piece. Perfect time for a commercial.

Anyone besides me think it’s sweet that Swiffer is exploiting a one armed man to show how easy their cleaning kit is? It’s just adorable! Most of us who have husbands with two hands, can’t get them to lift a duster even if we promise to let them go to the club and make it rain.

Back from commercial and Loretta speaks. “I just expected so much more from you and your wife.” Well hang on right there, little doggie! Lavette does believe the horse pucky that Noel is dishing out, so don’t include her in your disappointment. She starts crying and I love it when people cry and become weird with their grammar. Case in point: “I’m just sick of people making analysis about me.” Okay. “I read what people say, it bothers me, and if I’m coming into this group and you’re acting like people on the internet, it’s just too much. It’s just too much. I just expected you as a pastor and as a prophet as you say to know when someone is wounded.” Hold the phone! Prophet? As in Isiah? Anyway, Ron apologizes again and hugs Loretta but sticks to his guns about condoning but not condemning the relationship. Of course, Dietrick thinks Ron‘s a prick, but that’s because Dietrick is a lying little mofo like Noel and Loretta. So everyone’s happy now to pretend that Noel and Loretta are living together and celibate for the past 17 years.

Cut to Myesha and Keishon. They’ve got some lame girl strumming guitar. It suits the lame song that Myesha “wrote.” Then Keison adds some pretty lame rap. We’re all stars, aren’t we? Everyone’s talented and deserves an award!

Clarence is still in Atlanta, stretching out the inane story line about his daughter being engaged. She’s a grown-ass woman. Leave her be.

Lavette is doing her own nails before her manicure because you don’t want to get a manicure when your nails aren’t looking good, right? She brings up Loretta to Ron, and tells him he was too harsh. She “just felt a tremendous about of compassion for her in the situation she’s in.” This makes Ron decide he needs to be more compassionate. He decides to get over it. The payday must be good for “Preach L.A.”

Pool party at the Cheney house. Seems Wayne‘s Mom and his half brother are fine again, for some unknown reason. Everyone’s happy. The barbecue looks good. Everything’s great. Then, Myesha tells Keishon they’re going to do their song for the whole family. The only weird thing is that Keishon sounds like he’s doing it for real and when Myesha starts to sing, it strangely sound like the recording, and not a capella poolside. Color me skeptical.

Back in Atlanta, Clarence sits down with his future son-in-law, who has the nerve to be a surgeon’s assistant and going through medical school! So Clarence reads him the riot act on why successful men cheat. Seems in beginning, they need the support of their wives and after they’ve made it, they want other things. Of course, he knows this first hand, having dumped his wife of 16 years after he paid for his doctorate at a diploma mill. Perhaps he should just keep his mouth shut.

We end with Noel and Loretta walkin’ the dog. Noel tells Loretta, “If we ever joined in the way they want us to, it will be cool forever.” Aw, gee, that’s cute, isn’t it?  Time for me to shower. Later, peeps!

 

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