Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Reunion Part 1

“Real Housewives of Orange County” fans, my plan was to tell you to slap on the Depends® and put down the drinks. You will not want to leave your seat, not even during the commercial breaks!   We are dealing with a group of women who are long on bad manners and short on patience. How could this reunion be anything other than amazing? Having watched part I, I have to say that you’ve seen the best part of this reunion in commercials, but it was still worth watching. Andy welcomes our (least and most) favorite wives, bringing up a point that I don’t remember being discussed on the show. Andy asks Lizzie about her past dating life, she apparently dated Nick Lachey pre-marriage to Jessica Simpson and after!  What!?!?! The voyeur in me that leads me to watch Reality TV also makes me want details, sorta’.

The next question is to Shannon about her interest in holistic medicine. She did not grow up practicing holistic medicine – she was given antibiotics like they were candy as a child.  There is, of course, a question about whether she believes that in a past life she saved a small country. (Cue a laughing Tamra) She reminds us that it came from her former dentist who was holistic and consulted with a group of psychics. They shared the news with him, and then he shared it with Shannon.  He has since passed away.  Shannon seems to begin to say he was a little out there, but pulls back and says that he had different views.

Andy stirs the pot by showing clips of Tamra (Eddie noticing and remembering Lizzie’s breasts from an earlier introduction, there is the replay of the Kentucky Fried Tits comment, glee over the size of the elephant’s penis). We see Vicki telling Shannon’s guest he didn’t look gay, Heather and the Dutch Oven/Dirty Sanchez conversation, the “STFU oil” comment from Shannon about Danielle, and Vicki’s “I thought Feng Shui was only for Asians” comments. Vicki reports that she’s since learned that it’s for Caucasians too. I can’t, people – you deal with that. Vicki is asked “What exactly does gay look like?” She says that in her mind gays are very very very fit, GQ looking, poised and they have gaydar, which she doesn’t believe Andy has. She “compliments” him by calling him “all boy.” Again, you’re on your own.

Andy must feel the ladies are too calm and enjoying each other’s company too much. He brings up Tamra’s attack on Alexis and her “Jesus Jugs”, last season, Tamra’s nickname of  Grillexis” (A combo of Gretchen and Alexis) for Lizzie, and then asks Lizzie about Tamra’s KFC  Titties attack. I honest to goodness feel dumber every time I retype that insult. Lizzie calls the comments trashy and crass and says she wouldn’t have expected anything less from Tamra. (Would ya’ll like me to set up a paypal account to send Lizzie the world’s biggest bouquet of flowers now, or later?  Does she get a nice piece of jewelry with that, or are we afraid of spoiling her?). Lizzie wants us to know she’s “never fried, always baked.” Despite the botox bragging these women do, I think Tamra’s eyebrows actually move. Lizzie says that only mean people make fun of her boobs, no one nice has ever done it. I suspect a serious edit. Why? There was no response from Tamra.

We transition to Vicki and Briana and their drama – including the unfortunate comment about Oklahoma being a forgotten state. We also see  Tamra’s Ryan being given the news about his medical condition and Tamra breaking down over him moving away and getting married. Vicki tells us that she cried all day at work, when Briana left, and that she still cries. Ryan left two weeks after announcing the wedding over dinner. He is now an expectant father and the wedding is postponed until after the child’s birth. Tamra talks about Ryan’s depression following his medical news. Sarah had just lost her parents and it seems to indicate that she thinks that their grief brought them together – that they both had sad stories to share, they’re united, they’re in love, and aren’t thinking about the things going on around them. I can’t tell if she’s being supportive or bitchy. If it’s the latter, you know, Tamra, there are less hurtful ways of having yourself disinvited to the wedding! 

Vicki has visited Briana seven times in the three months she’s lived in OK. Andy has arranged for us (oh, and Vicki) to see Briana, Troy, and Owen via Skype. Briana tells everyone she misses her mother and wants her to move to OK. She feels that she can barely take care of herself much less two infants. Vicki sweetly tells Briana about all of the food that is in the freezer for her, food she made when Briana was in the hospital. So many viewers called this one, long ago. Briana was quick to get in her mother’s face when she didn’t know just how much easier her mother made her life. At one point she even claimed her mother didn’t do as much as she took credit for. It’s a different tune, now. Vicki and Briana kill me they are so wonderful together. Briana ends by telling everyone (mainly Vicki, it seems) to have fun and behave. I’m glad to see the growth in their relationship.

After Andy reads a slap down to Vicki from an Oklahoman viewer (who says that Vicki will be forgotten the second she’s off the show), Vicki is given 30 seconds to address the state.  It you were waiting for graciousness from her, you have been watching the wrong show. She describes the state as “Flat, tornadoes, not good food, humid humid frizzy hair, boring.” I can just imagine what it’s like for Briana to leave the house every time Vicki speaks. Andy tries to rescue her and tells he thought she would have something positive to say. She does. You can get a lot of house for the money there. I hope the “not good food” comment means she only eats at home when she visits. I can’t imagine what happens to her “not good food” before it gets to the table.

Shannon confirms that her home is for sale 13.9 million. Since I have that just laying around, I should buy it, you know, even if it means living in the less prestigious part of the same subdivision as the DuBrows (snark snark). She says that the home is too big for them – in response to Andy asking if they’re moving to get away from the DuBrows. He mentions how well their relationship started out. We see the high- and lowlights of their relationship. Heather comments that she felt picked on by Tamra and Vicki and when she introduced Shannon – they all became friends and left her out. She admits that she was prickly and sensitive and blew things out of proportion and apologizes. Heather drives me to the edge and over, but I am happy that she stepped up to the plate. 

It had to happen. We have to re-live the musical chairs dinner at the restaurant – the night Heather claimed Shannon was wild-eyed and screeching about her seat next to Vicki (projection?). She says that Shannon came out of the bathroom doing her Shannon thing – looking at her as if to say that Shannon knows what she means.  Shannon seems to have learned to not take Heather seriously.  She raises her arms above her head, waving them wildly and asks, “You mean this?” Heather is not amused. I’m hoping you did put on a Depends®  – you might leak a little.  It was funny.

The hoedown comes up. Shannon again notes that she was the only person who was yelled at by Heather for being late. Heather seems to acknowledge going after Shannon more than anyone else but notes that Tamra brought up the conversation so she joined it. Regarding the big Christmas Party at the Beadors, both Tamra and Heather state that Shannon did not yell at Heather, as has been repeatedly said. Shannon thinks it’s a plan to repeat something often enough to try to make it seem true. Heather says that she chose the wrong words and it was more about the tone than the decibel level. Shannon says that she was trying to stand up for Tamra because Heather was so condescending to her. Heather says that when she told Tamra to “pick a lane” she was only saying that Tamra either needs to be her friend or not be her friend, but don’t keep moving back and forth – that Shannon misinterpreted what she was saying. I believe Heather that the context was missing. Andy asks if Shannon, knowing what she knows now, regrets standing up for Tamra. She says “absolutely,” to which Tamra calmly states that she is entitled to her opinion. Someone should check Tamra’s bag for horse tranquilizers. She’s been too calm.  It scares me.

Andy goes for the big guns and asks about Vicki paying spousal support to Donn. Vicki says she folded and gave him support since he was legally entitled to half of her business. She demonstrates how she held on to the check and asked if he was really going to take it. He did and made out like a bandit. She claims he’s living large, thanks to her, but that she wishes him well. It was only a gateway question, folks, Andy brings up the recording and the fight with Briana from last season. It brings up further issues of the “two separate lives” Vicki was left leading as a result of the conflict between Briana and Brooks. It also brings up the conflict Brooks and Tamra. Andy says that there were tons of questions about what happened after last year’s reunion – about how she could forgive Brooks so easily. She says she didn’t, it took time, and if his words were actions, she would never forgive him. Tamra chimes in, when asked, and adds that Brooks called Vicki a “f-ing whore who needs to be beaten.”

Tamra’s comments about Brooks to the other wives come up. They are defended by Andy and Tamra as comments Tamra has made about him (not being a nice guy) all along. Vicki is still angry and flips when Tamra says that she doesn’t think that Brooks is good for Vicki. Vicki screech-screams “How do you know what’s good for me?” Tamra gives a bigger screech scream stating “THAT’S MY OPINION!” She wants to know why can’t anyone else get that it’s her opinion. Lizzie looks afraid and amused. Andy looks afraid (as if he’s afraid for Tamra).

Shannon is asked why she likes Brooks. Shannon talks about how Vicki’s eyes light up and talks about the time they spent in Puerto Vallarta and got to know him – they spent a lot of time together in close quarters and he’s making Vicki happy and seems to be a good guy. Vicki is asked why it’s so important to have Briana forgive Brooks. She acknowledges that Briana may never forgive him but they have a small family and, in essence, she really wants them to all get along.  She comments that what he did was almost unforgivable (which then makes you wonder why she wants anything to do with him, but ok)  She says that if she gets hurt, she’ll accept responsibility for it.  She really does not want to continue talking about the recording from last year. In her shoes, I wouldn’t either… but I can’t see myself in her shoes.

Interstitial – Shannon is asked why she refers to herself in third person and why she calls Heather by her full name. Shannon had no idea she did it.   Both women get a good chuckle out of it.

:::sigh:::  Terry and David join the wives next.  We re-live the night Heather threw Shannon out of her home. The “take the Beadors” comment (with Vicki’s confirmation) comes up again, as well as the “Spread your legs” comments. The flip out at Lizzie’s dinner also airs. David is asked if he always communicates such sensitive information in email – he apologizes for his actions. Tamra defends betraying Shannon’s trust and defends calling Shannon a “sad soul.” Shannon talks about the various things Tamra has done to betray her (including telling others that Shannon is a big drinker when she is not). Shannon gets in dig stating that Tamra is the one who can’t remember the last half of Lizzie’s party after drinking so much.

Heather now says that she couldn’t see what was going on with Shannon because she was so focused on what was going on in her own life – implying that things were difficult for her at that time, too.  Terry time he wanted to know why Shannon was in their home talking with his wife when she should have been talking with her husband.  Shannon told him she’d already resolved the issue with her husband when she talked with Heather.  Heather still tries to minimize her actions and insist she didn’t throw her out, but asked her to leave. Vicki gives Heather another disapproving look. Heather is a one-step -forward-two-step-back kinda’ person. She came so close to owning her crap  She does say she would never had done it if she’d known how bad off Shannon was.

Andy reminds Tamra that she was at the center of a lot of stuff at Lizzie’s. Shannon says there is the truth and the Goddamned Truth. She tells Tamballs she looks so bad with all of her lies, that she either made the takedown story up, or Terry said it and she backtracked.  When Vick’s name is invoked as someone who heard the story from Tamra as well, Vicki says she didn’t say anything at the party because she didn’t know if Terry said it or not.  Tamra claims Shannon drinks and twists things – as an explanation for why Shannon believes she said it. What about Vicki? Lizzie nails Tams for even bringing up the “takedown” just to stir trouble. Tamra throws Lizzie under the bus and says that they talked about it the next day and even Lizzie called Shannon crazy for her actions. Lizzie does not deny it, she only says that it was a crazy night.  She wipes away the tire tread and returns the favor. The day after the party is the day Tamra said that Shannon is crazy with Martians in her head.

Terry defends his attack on David. He claims he lost two months of sleep over the “spread your legs” comment. David is shocked by that and I’ll bet you are too since Terry seemed perfectly ok all season. Terry is reminded that Eddie said worse in front of his children and mother and Terry’s weak response is that Eddie is a friend, he’d only met David twice. He claims that he’d heard that David was aware that he was upset for two months and did nothing to try to make things right so the apology at the party seemed to be grandstanding. We find out that David did not know about Terry’s anger (and the lost sleep) until the night before Vicki’s dinner. If the DuBrows hired a PR team to help with their badly damaged image, B+ on the Heather script. D- on the Terry Script. Nothing Terry said makes sense, in my book. Your old friends can talk sexually in front of your children and 80 year old mother, your new friends cannot? How long before your new friends can talk sexually in front of your children and 80 year old mother?  In my house? Never, and neither can my old friends, but I guess the DuBrows have a different standard.

 

A weird tangent about how hot David is and how much he flirts comes up. Shannon doesn’t like when he does it and he apologizes because it’s disrespectful to his wife. Terry says that hearing David was a flirt only compounded his anger because it added to his image of who and what David is… no, Terry wasn’t attacking construction workers in his comments.

Andy asks if either Terry or David felt sorry about their behavior at the Bali dinner. Terry says he’s not sorry for being angry at David’s comments toward his wife, he’s just sorry at the intensity. I feel an intense dislike for Terry Dubrow. Thank goodness the show comes to an end.  

Part two looks exciting so I’ll tell you ahead of time, put on the Depends® and put down the drinks!  Part II looks good.

 

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