Preachers of LA Recap: “Judge Not” [Episode 1]

Brothers and Sisters, we gather here to discuss the curious goings on of a group of men of faith who seem to make enough money to live in McMansions. Everyone is a “Minister” or “Bishop” so until I can figure out what that means, I’m just gonna be real informal here.  Can I get an “Amen?”

The show opens with Dietrick. As you may remember, his baby mama, Dominique, and him finally got married before number two was born. Now, I’m no Alistair Begg, but I kinda, sorta, thought there was a commandment against adultery, but hey, what do I know? Now Dietrick is having all kinds of drama, what with his Mama Joyce not liking his baby Mama, and his baby Mama’s, Mama Faye not liking his Mama. Got it? Good. The new baby arrives and Dietrick is all kinds of happy, singing and praising the baby, Denver. Yes, he named the baby after a city that has a constant problem with smog.

Next thing you know, it’s two months later. Noel, who still has a “friend” named Loretta – going on 16 or 17 years now – discusses how they should answer the eternal question: When is Noel gonna make an honest woman of Loretta? Loretta seems resigned for now to be living in sin, and will face the ladies at the “Sip and See” – baby mama Dominique’s new spin on a baby shower.  Yeah. I never heard of that either. Seems to be post-birth baby shower where people drink and try to see the baby, depending upon how much they drink.

But back to Dietrick and we now find out his Mama Joyce is fine with everything that’s going down and promises there’ll be no drama at the “Sip and See.” PTL!

Jay and Christy discuss the thorny problem of Jay having stepped in to marry Dietrick even though he didn’t know that his baby mama was pregnant when he married them. Which  kinda means he was marrying two people who were breaking that commandment thing I wrote about earlier.  Like a good reality wife, Christy says he’s just got to confront Dietrick with it, even though it happened months ago.

We catch up with Ron and his wife, LaVette, the couple from Compton who also own a McMansion, along with some real nice rides. Discussing the all-consuming “Sip and See,” LaVette promises she can handle herself with Noel’s kept woman Loretta.

Wayne just got back from Israel and his wife Myesha, of course, brings up the “Sip and See.” But more importantly, when Wayne wants to know if she wants another baby, she tells him they can practice but “not pull the trigger.”

Clarence and Priscilla have quiet moment complete with tea and working out the reasoning why he can’t possibly attend Noel’s command performance at his house for a sit down. Clarence is one smart man. Plus, his McMansion has a really cool pool.

At Noel’s house everyone shows but Clarence, whom they figure they scared off with their fighting last season. Seems Noel called the meeting to come up with some kind of plan for a crusade. Ron  pulls out his gun and puts on the table, just keepin’ it real, and wants a pimps and hos theme since he likes to work with The Crips. As in the gang. Which leads to a discussion of Noel’s ho, Loretta, whom Noel emphatically says will be involved.  When Ron brings up the fact that it might not be appropriate, Dietrick jumps in to defend Noel, seeing as how he’s broken the same commandment and has decided that they’re all being judgmental.

After that little fracas, Jay pulls Dietrick aside to discuss why he didn’t give him the word on his baby mama being pregnant when he married him, which gets Dietrick all kinds of worked up. He interrogates Jay on whether or not he slept with Christy before they were married.

When Jay says, “yes,” Dietrick goes “boom!” and walks away as if he’s won the whole argument. But, it seems Jay wasn’t “saved” back then, so he kinda wasn’t following the book, and it’s a freebie. “Boom” that!

The next morning Christy asks Jay how everything went with Dietrick. As Jay puts it, after Ron flashed his gun, he went to Dietrick with love and tried to ask about the wedding but all he got was Dietrick telling him he’s judgmental. Christy reminds him they are not judgmental, and Jay says it was ready to go to a higher lever – which I figured meant fisticuffs – because he’s never had any preacher talk to him that way. Ah, but there’s the rub – are any of these guys real preachers? Of course, Christy brings it back to the real issue – the “Sip and See” and how she’s gonna handle having to see Dietrick’s baby mama –I mean wife, now, officially.

Cut to a brief segment where the Dietrick and Dominique’s moms get together and decide they’re “grandmas, not gangsters!” Hallelujah! Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition!

Back at Noel’s and his, um, well, girlfriend or whatever’s house, Noel has to make sure he tells Loretta that Ron doesn’t want her involved in any crusade. Putting aside the ho part, Loretta feels Ron is sexist to think she can’t be at the crusade and handle things just as well as any man, and Noel figures Ron is just trying to create drama. Neither one seems to think it’s the livin’ in sin part that bothers Ron.

There’s a brief teaser where Dietrick feels the needs to tell us he’s had no sex since the baby came and it’s doctor’s orders, not just Dominique wanting his sorry ass off her for a while. After all, she did have a C-section, right?

The “Sip and See” is finally here! I can’t wait to see what kind of drinks we get to sip! Myesha arrives first and can’t wait to get to know this sweet little baby. Then LaVette shows up, and is just happy they’re finally married for crying out loud. Since LaVette is the only woman without a child, Dominique offhandedly says LaVette could be the Godmother. Does that count? Is it in writing? Anyway, something tells me she shouldn’t be offering up such a position just yet.

Before Christy shows up, Dominique makes sure everyone knows Jay asked about not knowing why they were pregnant before he married him. LaVette enters the land mine strewn field of agreeing with Jay and how Ron would feel the same. Take cover, girlfriend! When Loretta arrives, she immediately brings up the fact that Ron objected to Loretta being involved because they should be married. Poor LaVette tries to explain how perhaps, it’s just a tad seedy that Loretta and Noel still aren’t married and are living in sin, being Christian leaders and all. Then, Dominque, knowing all about being the #1 ho, jumps in to defend Loretta. I told her to hold off on that Godmother thing, didn’t I?

Great time for a commercial and since it’s Idris Elba in “No Good Deed” and I’m more than happy to watch it all. Idris is the man!

Back from commercial, Loretta is still jumping on LaVette. She tells her that only if God tells her it’s wrong, it’s all right.  (I’m not sure where Loretta earned her theology degree but I’m beginning to suspect it involved the internet in some fashion.) And that’s how they left us! Hangin’ at the “Sip and See.” 

Now, I don’t want to be a stickler for details, but I didn’t see no Sippin’ – just some gums flappin’ – so when do we get to drink at this “ho” down? Next week?

 

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