Real Housewives of New York Recap: Open Mic Night & Kristen and Josh Need Help! [Episode 18]

On this episode of the “Real Housewives of New York,” we are back in the city and Kristen is out to dinner with Josh. They are waiting for Heather and Jonathan to arrive. Did you place a bet that Kristen would still be whining about the trip? Did you also guess that Josh would be still defending Heather? You should pay the lottery, next; you apparently know your stuff. Pick up a ticket for me while you’re at it. Josh kisses Heather when they arrive and Kristen has him wipe his mouth. Passive aggressive or openly aggressive on her part? The trip comes up one more time and Heather tells Kristen everyone had a great time, Jonathan calls Heather the boss/bossy, and with the tension broken they move on.  Josh takes things one step backwards when he explains why Kristen can’t relate to him or to Heather – because she’s never had to run a business. Kristen begins to speak and he reminds her that he’s still talking. What is the age difference between these two? He treats her like a teenager instead of his wife.

Kristen wants Josh to remember he has a family and a wife who fully supports him, but that he doesn’t give support in return. She reminds everyone that Josh took her out of the modeling game to move her to L.A. for his work. After a couple of years, he comes home to tell her that they have to be out of their home in 10 days – they’re moving back to NYC, again for his work. She may as well have whispered those words (about how much she supports him in his endeavors) into the wind for the impact they had on him. Sometimes he seems incredibly cold, to me.

Mario, Avery, and Ramona are together when the Birdland Lounge comes up. Heather, Mario, and LuAnn want to sing together and plan to sing there. We learn that Mario (Singer) loves singing and frequently sings wherever he goes. <—  Sorry, I had to do that. Mario and Ramona point out  that Lu uses a lot of autotune and wonder if she’ll actually sing live. Mario plans to serenade Ramona in front of all of their friends. He begins practicing with Shane, who is there to help Mario practice one of Shane’s new originals. Mario sounds “ok”.  Ramona seems to wince while he’s singing and asks if he’s singing in the wrong key. Precious. Shane suggests that he strips while he sings – mostly taking loose his tie. Mario suggests dressing like Elvis when Ramona says no, because Kristen will jump him and start kissing him. Wow, way to bring back that Berkshires dinner and the luncheon with Brandi and Yolanda!

Sonja is interviewing new interns, and claims that they all learn so much from her – but that she learns from them too. Sonja is afraid that the prospective intern, who majored in Psychology, will analyze her. Seriously?  Sonja gives the laundry list of the million and one things her interns are expected to do. Pickles should have made a run for the door long ago. Sonja warns the young woman that she runs a tight ship. The prospective intern, who looks afraid, in my book, is saved by Aviva’s arrival. Sonja tells Aviva how everyone talked about her and that Ramona started the discussion. We see a Missoula flashback of Carole’s dime store diagnosis of Aviva and comments about Aviva not wanting to leave Reid, which led to her staying in NYC. Aviva thinks they’ll accuse her of lying about her amputated leg, next. I’m surprised Sonja thought it was necessary to bring the conversations up with Aviva. It didn’t seem, to me, that conversation about Aviva consumed most of the trip, as Sonja claims/implies.

Sonja tells Aviva that she had her back the whole time even after Ramona made Reid an issue. Aviva tells Sonja she travels the country to visit amputees without her husband, she can’t believe that they all think she’s lying. Sonja says that she feels protective of Aviva and had to tell her because she doesn’t know that the other women have it out for her.

Carole’s book, “Widow’s Guide,” arrives, both the U.S. and U.K. versions. Things seem to be going well with her career, but the apartment renovations are going wild. She chokes on the dust but continues working. She and her assistant are sending out complimentary copies to her friends in the media and the name dropping begins – the famous who were mentors, colleagues, former lovers, etc. Not impressed. I get the feeling that Carole will get the “Gerard Butler – Brandi Glanville Treatment” at the rate she’s going.

Next we learn that Ramona feels that she should take Kristen under her wing. She, Kristen, and Sonja are at a doctor’s office while Ramona has a procedure to reduce the slight weight gain around her belly. The doctor, egged on by Sonja, tells Kristen about all of the procedures she should consider, she’s not too young to start. Kristen thinks she needs at least a little botox. Heartbreak. If a woman as gorgeous as Kristen is panicking and thinking she needs a little cutting, poking , and prodding? I have no hope left for young women. Sonja gets on the table, next, and flips over on her belly to ask if her love handles look good from behind. She doesn’t want to get rid of them if they look ok, a man needs something to hold on to, etc. I’m beginning to know far too much about what Sonja likes in bed.

Later, at home, Kristen decides to cook since Josh said he would come home if she cooked more. She seems so lost in the kitchen – even asking her son if he knows where a couple of things are. She asked Josh to be home at 6pm and he’s not home by 6:30. She calls him at work. They fight because although it’s date night, he didn’t call her to let her know he would be late. He screams that he’s in the middle of a conference call with six people and didn’t have time to text her. She tells the “playa” to “slow his roll” (words to that effect). She’s on speaker phone with the children in the room. She knows he’s stressed out at work and in a TH breaks down because she gets the brunt of it.

Sonja reveals that 25 years ago, before Aviva, she and Harry were hot and heavy until he chose another date over her for a NY’s eve celebration. Now they’re heating up again. We see them in the park having a picnic. Something about them seems to work, I like them.

Harry and Sonja’s scene are cut short when we see Josh come home. He kisses Kristen as if nothing happened. HA! He’s acting as if he really believed that she was going to let that go. He promises her that the next time he’s going to be late he’ll let her know. Their son keeps reading and their daughter is screaming. Josh mocks Kristen’s cooking skills, which hurts her feelings, and leads her to tell him that he complains when she doesn’t cook and then makes fun of her when does cook. This couple is badly eff’ed up.

We are back with Sonja and Harry.  She tells him that she loves the fact that he takes her as she is.  She wants him to be a real partner, not just a good time.  She jokes that he’s done well by not bringing a date along on their date.  She reminds him that his family really loves her. Harry tells Sonja he loves her and they kiss. I really want to see more of them.  I could see the show being dumped and watching the Harry and Sonja show!

Back to Kristen and Josh. He’s again reminding her about her lack of business skills and how she doesn’t understand him and what life is like for him. He says that they need a mediator, and Kristen bows before him THRILLED that he’s willing to go to counseling. He thinks that the “mediator” will help Kristen learn to be more sympathetic to him and to get her to change her story. He really believes that Kristen is the real problem in their marriage, he doesn’t seem to indicate that he knows the problem is two way. In a TH Kristen says that she knows it’s serious if he’s willing to see a therapist because he’s not big on therapy. She says that she wants things to work out because he is the love of her life, he is a great guy… and then the thing that actually makes sense to me, he is the father of her children.

The interstitial: We return to a photo shoot in the park with Lu and Jacques. She is concerned that things have been so tense and she has no idea where things are going with them. He complains while she looks unhappy.

The Birdland outing arrives. Ramona is excited that everyone will get to see her two husbands (Shane and Mario) sing together. Sonja and Harry make plans to have sex in the bathroom when the singing is over – cancel that Sonja and Harry show. Heather, whose father was a musician, is supposed to back up LuAnn. She tells Heather she looks like a star. Since LuAnn is backing out, Ramona tells Heather that it’s because she has the better voice. Ramona says that LuAnn can’t sing. Dirty Bravo editors (who are worthy of pay raises for this one) use old footage of Kim Zolciak Countess LuAnn in a recording session and it’s TERRIBLE). Ramona is in her smirk-filled heaven, being able to knock LuAnn around.

LuAnn tells the ladies she doesn’t want to sing because it’s Mario’s big night. Ramona counters that LuAnn is not singing because she doesn’t have autotune. LuAnn feels bullied. Ramona claims Mario learned his song in one day, that Lu is chicken shit. The program begins. WHEW!  Ramona is still chiding LuAnn. Luckily, Mario is up first. He dedicates the song to Ramona. Sonja is nervous because she’s known him for 20 years and the only time she’s heard him sing in the shower… I don’t even want details. Ramona is proud. Mario sounds better now than he did earlier… he is ok-plus. Kristen realizes her husband would never do, and she’s thankful because it’s not her thing. ::sigh:: Is it wrong that I want to see the crowd scanned to see if Mario’s rumored mistress was there?

HA! Lu criticizes the song and Mario’s voice. I am speechless. Heather is next. She is afraid, but decides to give it her best. She sings “Bill Bailey” – and asks LuAnn to save her if she needs it. She doesn’t sound bad! She sings and dances. I think Josh’s heart just skipped a beat. Sorry, was that also wrong of me?

The fun continues next week. I’ll see you then!

 

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