This week on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the women play “Never Have I Ever” on a boat in San Diego. And Kathy Hilton reveals the strangest place she’s had sex—in a doctor’s office. Kathy says, “I’m not a freak. I’m adventurous.” The ladies tour local wineries. Erika Girardi tells Kyle Richards another fantastical story, that she has “ZERO dollars”. Does anyone think it’s suspect that she tells Kyle first every time?
On their adventurous outing, Erika decides to skip the day. First up, drinking wine on a trolley in Temecula at Lorimar Vineyards. They visit Fazeli Cellars, and the next stop is Avensole Winery. Garcelle Beauvais wishes that dating was like wine-tasting… line ‘em up and figure out which one to take home.
Dorit Kemsley and Kyle can’t help but talk about Erika when she’s not there. Tom Girardi’s brother has been granted conservatorship over Tom in court and he’s suggesting that Tom be placed in a home. Lisa Rinna and Kyle talk about the burglary at Tom’s home. Lisa tells everyone that during the burglary, Tom’s cataract exploded, and he needed to get it operated on. Lisa goes on to tell the group that Erika’s son boarded up the window at the house, and then rolled his car because it was snowing. Then production jumps to each lady’s disbelief about the stories that have emerged. Crystal Kung Minkoff says, “I haven’t seen snow in L.A. since I was 11.”
Dorit is still thinking it sounds like a movie. Garcelle says, “Erika’s stories are unbelievable because they are hard to believe.” Sutton Stracke wants to know how Erika knows all of these things. Sutton says in her production interview, “I don’t want to play Nancy Drew anymore. I’m letting Scooby and Scooby’s friends, y’all figure it out. I can’t.”
Crystal is brought to tears hearing about Tom’s alleged ailing health. She’s grateful that her husband, Robert Minkoff, loved her father enough to provide all he needed in his battle with Alzheimer’s.
Kathy leaves the group to go back to the resort to have a massage. Crystal decides to buy everyone a bottle of their favorite wine in honor of her father. As they enjoy the sunset at the vineyard, Kyle starts her impressions. She mimics Sutton’s walk. Then Kyle mimics Erika, and Sutton chimes in to mimic Erika, too. This entire conversation will likely be picked apart in one episode of the four-part reunion, and Erika will be hot that they are all talking about her.
At the hotel, the women gather for dinner. Kathy is still not feeling good. Dorit, Kyle, and Sutton are talking about how Erika now inserted “allegedly” into her story about Tom’s head trauma from a car accident. Erika arrives with her hot pink latex. As Sutton rolls up on her leg scooter from the handicapped rap, Erika makes a crack that Sutton is taking “the easy road” and then goes on to say the “low road.”
Kyle tells Erika that they missed her at the vineyards. Then Erika says about Tom’s conservator situation and possible move to a facility, “This man has done a lot for a lot of people. People can step up.” The shocked faces tell it all, that the ladies are thinking about the alleged bad things Tom did, too. Sutton says that this group wants to prove they are friends with Erika rather than ask tough questions. Sutton compares this to the opposite, accusatory reactions the group (Lisa) had with Denise.
Erika goes on to talk about her “untraditional mother/son relationship” by saying that her son asked her if she was f-ing the neighbor when the story hit the press about her neighbor, Armie Hammer. Kyle asks, “What does he say about your Instagram?” And Erika says, “Not a God damn thing. Mommy’s broke and paying the bills.” Garcelle is thinking that this all seems phony that the ladies are just letting Erika say things unchallenged (to her face).
Lisa tells Erika, “You’re so fun tonight.” Erika says she doesn’t want this to consume her. Kyle says, “You’re going to come out on top.” Erika says, “I hope so.” Kyle tries to encourage her that she will be ok. As the praise-Erika-tour continues, Sutton and Garcelle are sitting back. Then Erika praises Sutton for taking chances and opening her store. Sutton wonders why Erika is being nice. Then they reminisce about showing up on Broadway for Erika’s performance in Chicago. Erika seems appreciative that Sutton chartered the plane for the girls to come to New York. In Erika’s production interview she’s asked, “Is this you in any way trying to smooth things over [with Sutton]?” and Erika says, “No, I wouldn’t smooth sh*t over.” Erika goes on to say that she was nice because she didn’t want to ruin the trip. “See. What a nice person I am. I’m the best one in this group. I don’t know why you guys [production] devalue me so much. Clearly, I’m the most adult, …” and then Erika starts laughing.
The next morning, Kyle checks on Kathy. Sutton and Garcelle talk on Sutton’s balcony. They aren’t sure what to think about Erika’s nice behavior the evening before. Lisa phones in to talk to Erika and Garcelle. As they talk about Erika, Erika is listening from the balcony above. Busted.
Lisa and Crystal meet to do yoga in the pool on paddleboards. It’s hilarious that Sutton and Garcelle show up to heckle with drinks in hand. Erika and Kyle try to play pickleball. Then they give up and start drinking. Erika toasts Kyle for being her friend. Lisa, Crystal, Sutton, and Garcelle talk about how nice Erika was the prior evening. Erika tells Kyle that the bankruptcy attorneys want to sell the house. And Erika says she’s going to try to rebuild her life, but “Girl, I have zero dollars.” Kyle says in her production interview that the victims need to get paid. Kyle just won’t say it to Erika’s face. At the poolside chat, the conversation takes a turn when Garcelle asks if Crystal has ever been with a girl.
Finally, at 2:30 pm, Kathy emerges from her long slumber for the boat trip. She’s hired renowned chef, Brian Malarkey, to cater the event. Walking on the dock, Erika tries to pretend that all is well with Sutton. Erika apologizes to Sutton, but it feels fake to Sutton. And Erika’s production interview validates that. Sutton has a hard time getting on the boat. Erika tries to make nice with everyone by saying, “My life is in shambles. And I’m angry. And I’m hurt.” Erika says that she has to walk a fine line and can’t look like she’s having a little too much fun. She thinks she can’t win in this circumstance, no matter what she does.
Crystal takes a moment to say that she’s been enjoying Sutton and gives her a hug. And after literally one minute of peace in the group, Garcelle wants to play “never have I ever.” Then Garcelle starts off with “Never have I ever stolen anything.” Oh goodness. It’s Crystal’s turn and she doesn’t want to play. Then Erika says, “As I’ve learned lately, no admission is no admission.” That causes some pause amongst the ladies. Rinna, classy as ever says, “Never have I ever had anal sex.” Chef Brian shows up to save the moment.
Dorit says, “Never have I ever had sex in an airplane bathroom.” Kyle says she was on a commercial flight. Kathy says, “Never have I ever had sex in a doctor’s office” and then takes a big swig. Garcelle says, “Never have I ever strapped on and did another man.” The boat captain is probably not getting paid enough for this. Erika says that she’s down for anything but doesn’t want her partner to talk about it. She just needs someone to “shut their f-ing mouth.” Then Erika goes from “don’t kiss and tell” and says “STFU” over and over, looking at Sutton. As most of the women move to the front of the boat, Kathy asks Sutton if she feels better to have talked with Erika. Sutton is emotional, telling Kathy how hard this feud has been.
Next time, on the season finale, Garcelle has a date. Crystal hosts a Chinese New Year party for the Year of the Ox. Garcelle challenges Lisa to reach out to Denise Richards. And Sutton wants to really have peace with Erika.
Kelli Bergheimer is an opinionated redhead, reality tv junkie, and freelance writer for All About the Tea.