This week on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the long teaser of Erika Girardi’s divorce discussion with the ladies will be front and center. As Erika arrives at Sutton Stracke’s Parisian Party, she seems happy to be there. They make small talk while Erika seems detached from everything and asks, “What’s going on?”
As they move to the lunch table, there is more small talk. Kathy Hilton can’t see her place card. In her world, she must not need to see well to get around. She can just tell people what to do for her. Kyle Richards says she feels lighter now that “Mercury is in retrograde.” Kyle blames that for the fight with Dorit Kemsley. They both decide that they fight like sisters. But before Kyle could finish, Kathy jumps in to stir it up. Before Dorit could say too much, Garcelle Beauvais interrupts to ask “could we all give her a timer.” Then Garcelle calls Dorit “long-winded.” Kathy doesn’t understand “long-winded.” Kyle says that Kathy talks in shorthand and goes on to mimic her, making the entire table laugh. Kathy says, “It’s better to allude to the situation because you never know who’s listening.” Erika, did you hear that?
Kathy and Sutton have a little snobby interlude about caviar, but Lisa Rinna is all about poking around in Erika Jayne’s business. Lisa is like a kid at Christmas who has been told to wait to open her presents. Sutton and Garcelle talk about Sutton’s new car. Then Erika says that she got a new car, too, a Range Rover. Then there is awkward silence until Erika says, “Let’s discuss the elephant in the room.”
Erika says, “My life drastically changed this week. I let go of my Lamborghini. I let go of my 16,000 square foot home. I let go of my marriage. I let go of everything. I literally made a decision that I had to.” Erika says, “I left because he pushed me further and further out.” Erika says that she needed to make a choice to do what was right for her. Erika goes on to say, “It also doesn’t serve me to talk about what’s happening legally or what will happen legally ‘cause I am married to somebody who is very good in that area.” Footage is shown of racks of clothing going up for sale online at Vestiare.
Erika tells a story here about her marriage that is different than seasons past. She says now that Tom Girardi didn’t really want to hear about her feelings of discontentment given all that he provided. She characterized his thoughts as “In my marriage, everything was great. Everything was perfect. And I don’t know what you’re f-ing complaining about, Erika.” Erika admits to filing for divorce on election day to try to bury the story. Then Erika says, “Just so you know, I keep really good secrets.” And she goes on, “like a vault.” At this point is anyone wondering why she is talking about this AT ALL? If she wants spin, she should probably stop talking and hire a PR firm.
In true Housewives fashion, everyone congratulates her for her “brave step.” Erika says, “I did not see it ending this way. I was going to hold that man’s hand until he died.” Erika invites the ladies over to see her “tiny baby dollhouse.” And then she says she didn’t buy furniture. “I stole the furniture.” She says, “I took my furniture.” Then she winked.
As the other ladies have dessert, Kyle asks Dorit to talk (or to go another round) about their fight on the plane from Lake Tahoe. They seem to squash it, and Dorit seems to think that they can move on given that it’s not that big of a deal compared to what’s happening with Erika.
Kyle and Dorit, still in the other room, bond over their love of drama. They have questions about Sutton and Crystal Kung Minkoff’s issues from the Lake Tahoe trip. Footage of Crystal recounting “the incident” to Kyle was different than the footage of Crystal recounting “the incident” to Dorit. Dorit is implying that there might be something sinister and that Crystal might feel violated. Kyle just thinks it was an awkward moment.
Garcelle is seeing a dating coach, Damona. Garcelle thinks her picker has been off. Damona asks Garcelle to dream up Mr. Right. The first thing on Garcelle’s list is “kind.” Then loyal, loving, monogamous, sweet, sexy, and “not too big.” Damona wants Garcelle to just be her authentic self. Garcelle says that she doesn’t truly trust someone to have her back, but she wants to get there.
Erika’s staff, Mikey and Laia, her creative director and assistant, arrive with some artwork. They walk through the house to talk about decorating each room and making a list of what to buy and do. As they go room to room, showing the shoes and furniture and clothing, is Erika realizing that there are interested parties making a different kind of list?
Erika recounts a story from the past when she was meeting Tom and five other guys for dinner. She was late and apologized for being stuck in traffic. One of the men said, “If you were married to a better man, traffic would be no problem.” And then she recounts what Tom said at that moment, “Well if you think you can afford her, you can have her.” Erika says that felt like “I should shut up and be grateful to an extent.”
Sutton is going for a mammogram. She told Kyle she had never been, and Kyle was pestering her into going. Right there in the doctor’s office, Kyle stirs up the situation between Sutton and Crystal. Kyle says that Dorit said the word, “violated.” Footage is played where Crystal says that she’s not going to talk about “the incident” with anyone else.
Erika and Lisa to go the Sofitel for dinner. They chit-chat about the Rinna Beauty lipstick line. Erika admits to Lisa that she has never felt this vulnerable. Erika says, “I didn’t leave a note.” And then Lisa asks, “and then he got served?” Erika says that on that day, she drove him to work. She says she told him that she loved him, and he said, “Thanks, hun.” Is anyone wondering where Erika’s son is in all of this?
Crystal decides to host a dumpling party. Crystal’s cousins, Angie and Tiffany, are helping her. Did you see their matching monogrammed aprons? Crystal’s husband Rob Minkoff is answering the door and is humoring the women as they talk in their overly fake voices about how excited they are to learn to make dumplings.
Erika starts off the conversation by talking about an oil that Kyle gave her and how she’s “lit.” It’s an intimate oil with THC. Then Erika announced to the women, in graphic terms, where she placed it before arriving at the party.
Meanwhile, Sutton and Crystal are inside talking about the other women talking about them. Crystal says that she’s only talking about “the incident” because people are asking her about “the incident.” Sutton and Crystal agree to hash things out one last time together with the ladies so they can put things to rest. Sutton and Crystal rehash it again in front of the group. Then they decide that it’s over, sort of. In Sutton’s interview, she says, “She’s a mean girl. I’m sorry. She’s a mean high school girl.”
Crystal gives everyone a monogrammed apron. They learn to stuff the dumplings and steam them. Garcelle wants Erika to meet her dating coach. Erika’s not really interested. Who needs a dating coach when you have THC-infused intimate oil? The women move to yet another room for dessert. Erika says of the ladies, “I know they want to be supportive. But I just have so many challenges in front of me. And there’s so much that these women don’t know.”
Next time, Lisa talks about her daughter being “linked” to Scott Disick. Crystal and Sutton seem to go another few rounds. It seems like “the incident” is going to be like The Real Housewives of New Jersey “rumor” and keep going until the reunion show.
Did anyone watch “The Housewife and the Hustler” documentary-style program? The amount of airtime given to Danielle Staub did nothing to inspire confidence in the journalists writing for this program. Whether or not the alleged crimes or alleged malfeasance happened, Danielle’s useless commentary detracted from the seriousness. Sound off in the comments!