Braunwyn Throws Glass After Gina Calls Her A “Sloppy Chihuahua”
Once again, we open this episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County at Shannon Beador’s house, where she’s cooking dinner with her new beau, John. And there’s an Archie sighting. Thank God! I was worried about that dog.
As John complains that Shannon Beador’s fridge is emitting a nasty funk, I can’t help but wonder why Shannon has a shooting target on her refrigerator door. With bullet holes penetrating the center of the target’s chest. Hmmm.
Shannon tells John that she’s ordered shot glasses with lemons on them for her upcoming party. She plans to make a signature lemon cocktail. (Nine lemons in a bowl for luck, people!) John thinks that’s an amazing idea. And that’s the difference between John and David. John’s supportive. David was a douche bag.
Shannon and John sit down to a dinner of pork chops and salad, and Shannon remarks that it’s time to finish the home gym. John promises to bring his Peloton over ASAP. Um, no. We see flashbacks of Shannon trying to get off her stationary bike, and while it’s entertaining, it also hurts her vagina. So…
Shannon is planning a housewarming. Naturally, the kids are going to act as servers (???) and she bought lemon covered leggings for the occasion. John, being ever supportive, says, “Cute.” But the real point of this convo is that Kelly Dodd is brining Emily Simpson as her plus one to Shannon’s party.
Emily Simpson and Shannon aren’t the best of friends. John wonders how much of that is Shannon’s fault. Her voice quivers as she tells John that she’s tried with Emily, she’s tried to break through, but Emily dismisses her. John points out that she doesn’t have to be besties with Emily. They can just be cordial. Like normal people.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth Lyn Vargas and Kelly head out to dinner together. They meet up with Gina Kirschenheiter at The Farmhouse. After ordering drinks, talk turns to divorce. Elizabeth is getting gray roots from the stress of going to court to divide assets with her ex. Unfortunately, we don’t get any details because Elizabeth is under a gag order. But as Kelly mentions, for someone who can’t officially talk divorce details, Elizabeth sure does talk about her divorce a lot.
Elizabeth promises that after it’s all finalized, she’ll host a party and spill all the tea regarding her ex. But in the meantime, she’s dating Jimmy. She’s just not having sex with him. Gina is just as confused as the rest of us by this strange relationship. Kelly, in her talking head interview, wonders if Jimmy is getting his pud pulled by someone other than Elizabeth.
Elizabeth says she met Shannon recently, and Shannon was super nice to her. Gina isn’t feeling so charitable toward Shannon, because Braunwyn Windham-Burke gossiped that Shannon called Gina’s house “sad and depressing.” Actually, Shannon didn’t say that — at least not in the footage we saw.
Kelly Dodd chimes in, saying Braunwyn isn’t a liar. They decide Shannon is elitist and not a real friend. The women toast to 2020 and what a great year it’s going to be. Oh, ladies. If only.
And speaking of Braunwyn Windham-Burke, she’s making dinner for her thirty-four children. While the older girls help set the table, husband Sean heads outside to gather up the little kids. By this time, Braunwyn has been sober for twenty-eight days, and she’s a “basket case.” Not drinking is harder than she ever imagined. But she’s sticking with it.
We get a peak into Braunwyn’s personal life as she quizzes the kids on their day. One is taking kick boxing class, one wrote one hundred words, and her teenage son just wants to sleep. Even though staying sober is hard, Braunwyn realizes how much time she spent regulating her drinking. Now, she has a lot more time to take care of her brood. So, she sends them off with the nanny who tucks them into bed. And just a side note here, Sean is wearing his stupid statement necklace, which is just as fugly this year as it was last year.
Though Braunwyn always prided herself on being a good mom, she finally admits that booze made her a bad mom. She apologizes to Sean for having to put up with it and take care of her for so many years. A big change that’s happened since she stopped drinking is her baby, Hazel, is now running to her instead of the nanny. She’s on the right path.
Kelly Dodd stops by to view her new house that’s just down the street from Shannon’s place. It’s a 4500 square foot home with a pool, a spa, and five bedrooms. But it’s not on the beach. In fact, she’s smack dab in the middle of suburbia, and she seems a little unsure about the change. But as Meghan, the interior designer points out, Kelly rarely went to the beach — even though it was mere steps from her back door.
Fiancé, now husband, Rick, recently renovated his NY apartment. He’s putting it up for sale and moving to Cali. But it’s going to be a big change for him, too. He’s lived in NYC for twenty-seven years. Kelly moved because Jolie wants to live in a community with other kids. This place is a rental, and Kelly’s not sure what’s next, but this is a good move for her family right now. She wants to show her daughter what a good relationship looks like.
Braunwyn goes to an AA meeting and then stops to pick up Shannon. They’re on a trip to see Dr. Moon, Shannon’s holistic doctor. On the drive, Braunwyn admits to Shannon that she threw her under the bus. Braunwyn insists that Shannon called Gina’s house “small and sad.” You know, as opposed to “sad and depressing.” Shannon swears she never uttered those words. Braunwyn also says that Shannon gave the caveat, “If you say anything, I’ll deny it.” Who’s lying here?
At Dr. Moon’s office, Braunwyn unburdens herself about her battle with booze. He tells us the only place on the body to treat addiction is the middle of the ear. Braunwyn doesn’t really think acupuncture will help her stay sober, but she appreciates Shannon’s support.
Next, it’s Shannon’s turn. Her tailbone is in pain. Dr. Moon puts the needle in her middle of her nape, and Shannon whines like a kid getting a vaccine. Also, Shannon is full of anger—mainly because of Braunwyn. He massages her stomach and comments that he always has to deal with Shannon’s anger. She laughs, but it’s true.
As Braunwyn gets ready for the party, she’s having a major meltdown. She doesn’t want to talk about her sobriety, so she plans on drinking sparkling water and grapefruit juice to fool everyone. She doesn’t know if Shannon or Emily have told anyone her secret, but as she keeps reminding herself, she has no control over other people.
Kelly Dodd, Emily, and Shane share a car to the party. They discuss how Shannon supposedly shit-talked Gina’s new home. Then Kelly and Emily do a hilarious impression of Shannon and her over the top hand gestures.
Shannon has professional chefs taking charge of the kitchen, but gives her and John’s kids last minute instructions about serving. She wants to feed her guests little bites of everything — and the kids should have fun passing out nibbles. It’s a party, after all!
Shannon’s father, Gene, makes an appearance. He’s a real handful who’ll shut down the bar with a twenty-five-year-old hottie on his arm. His latest girlfriend, Dianne, is maybe a decade younger than Shannon?
Gina and Travis arrive. She immediately pulls Shannon aside and they discuss the house shaming comment. Of course, Shannon denies it. She does admit to saying the townhouse is small, but it’s Braunwyn who’s been slinging shit at Gina, not Shannon! And in the end, Gina believes Shannon, who points out that she, Braunwyn, and Kelly are all renting their homes. Gina bought and paid for her townhouse. That’s commendable.
Elizabeth wears an oversized hat to Shannon’s shindig. She also brings along her celibate boyfriend, Jimmy. Braunwyn greets her. Shannon asks Braunwyn if she wants tequila, then realizes she’s made a mistake and turns the question toward Elizabeth.
Braunwyn is shaky about the fact that everyone will be tasting tequila. She retreats to the bathroom for some supportive self-talk. While she’s sequestered, Emily greets Shannon and Gene. Emily knows Shannon doesn’t want her at the party — or she would have invited her. But Emily has a new goal this season. She wants to have fun, down shots, and make friends with Shannon. Since Emily is no longer in pain since the hip surgery, she’s not as cranky, so that might help, too.
Kelly hugs Gene and refers to him as “big dick Daddy from Cincinnati” for some reason. Shannon is appalled. Gene seems to enjoy the attention.
Braunwyn emerges from the restroom and waves off Sean’s concern. Shannon then corners her to her privately about not calling Gina’s new place “sad and depressing.” Shannon assures Braunwyn those words aren’t in her vocabulary. Braunwyn swears Sean heard it, too. Shannon thinks Braunwyn must be misremembering. But Braunwyn is sober for the first time, so her memory is clear! Shannon becomes irate and starts yelling at Braunwyn, which gets the attention of the other Housewives. Then Shannon says, “Don’t you dare accuse me of something I did.” Hmm, Freudian slip perhaps?
Shannon stomps outside, and Braunwyn clomps over to Sean, Elizabeth, and Jimmy. She complains about the argument she just had with Shannon and says that the real her, the sober her has a big mouth. Shannon might not like the real Braunwyn.
Braunwyn admits to shit-talking Gina behind her back. Every time she tried to be nice to Gina last season, it bit Braunwyn in the ass. (We see flashbacks of their clashes.) And when Sean texted her, Gina took it as flirtation. Braunwyn swears Sean wasn’t coming on to Gina. Then she talks about being as sick as her secrets and her new dedication to the truth.
Shannon makes a beeline to where Emily and Gina are talking. She declares her innocence once more. Emily sees Braunwyn’s new sobriety as a weapon against the women who are still drinking. She touches on the text Sean sent to Gina. If he really was concerned, why didn’t he just send a text asking if she got home okay and leave it at that? Why did he have to mention putting Braunwyn to bed and include a winky face emoji, huh?! This is a couple who enjoys threesomes, so what was Gina supposed to think?
Sean and Braunwyn discuss the text with Elizabeth. She’s just there for the party, man. Why are you telling her all this when they should be talking to Gina?
They decide that’s a good idea and head toward the tight circle where Gina, Emily, Shannon, and Kelly are convabbing. Kelly asks why Braunwyn is crying. Braunwyn says she’s just going through a lot. Shannon says she’s a friend who will be there, but she doesn’t appreciate Braunwyn putting words in her mouth.
Next, Shannon uses her hand gestures and wags her fingers in Sean’s face. This is her party, damn it. How dare they come in here and lie about her at her own freaking party?! Shannon owns her shit. Maybe it’s time the Windham-Burkes do the same.
Meanwhile, Braunwyn tells Gina she’s talked smack about her for months. They were supposed to get together and talk last week, but Braunwyn says she’s been too busy. Emily reminds Braunwyn that she has two nannies and doesn’t work. Why couldn’t she find the time to talk to Gina? Braunwyn needed a facial, and that’s just more important than ironing things out with Gina.
Gina now lays it out for both Braunwyn and Sean. Nobody would be saying anything about her living situation if Braunwyn didin’t bringing it up. Why make fun of her for not having as much money as the rest of the women?
Braunwyn insists she’s not attacking Gina because of a lack of money, but because of her lack of character. Gina sees red. She literally claps in Braunwyn’s face and calls her a “sloppy chihuahua.” (God, I love that phrase. I’m using it the next time someone steals my parking space!) Gina says Braunwyn is always wasted and doesn’t remember details, to which Braunwyn replies, “I’m thirty days sober, bitch!”
Gina sarcastically says, “You’re acting like it.” To which Braunwyn spins around and flings her drink onto the patio, then storms into the house. She runs out the front door, and that’s our episode.
So, was Braunwyn telling the truth or do you believe Shannon? Even if Shannon did say it, why would Braunwyn sell her out like that? Aren’t they supposed to be buddies?
I’m a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.