Real Housewives of New York

‘RHONY’ RECAP: Leah McSweeney Once Had a Witch Remove an Ex’s Bad Energy From Her Vagina

I'm a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.    

Welcome back to the Real Housewives of New York City cast trip to Mexico. Things got off to a rocky start last week, when Ramona Singer and Leah McSweeney refused to speak to one another, but they worked that out (sort of) and now it’s a new day in Cancun.

Though the ladies may have spent the previous night knocking back margaritas, the personal trainers arrive at eight-thirty the next morning. Got get that tequila out of your pores somehow, I suppose.

Side note. How refreshing it is to watch the ladies drink margaritas that don’t bear the Skinnygirl logo. 

Dorinda Medley dips into Sonja Morgan and Ramona’s room to wake them. But they snooze on. When Dorinda taps on Luann de Lesseps door, Lu claims she just can’t do lunges in the sun. Not even to ogle the hot trainers Dorinda has hired. And Leah is a no show, too.

Dorinda Medley won’t let this opportunity pass, though. Since she loves aerobics, she decides to teach the men a few sweet moves from the eighties. But Lu rallies and comes out dressed in blue lycra. She’s particularly taken by Raul. He teaches them a few moves, wresting the class away from Dorinda. 

While Luann de Lesseps performs the dreaded lunges, Dorinda runs to the restroom. And since she’s in the house, she takes the time to wake up Sonja and Ramona. Next, she darts into Leah’s room. By now, Lu is done with Raul, so she grabs another cup of coffee and heads to Leah’s room, as well. Lu says the only way to bounce back from a hangover is to get up and get moving the next morning, as early as possible.

Dorinda Medley tells Leah that today is a new day. A new day means new flowers bloom. Lu reminds us her flower is always blooming, and by flower she means her vagina. Dorinda calls hers a petunia. Okay, then.

Sonja Morgan takes a facetime call with the co-owner of Century 21, the company who is selling her line of clothes in their flagship store in NY. She’s planning a big launch after she returns from Mexico. She wants to show everyone who laughed at her business acumen that they can suck it, and to do that, she needs a successful party.

Sonja meets Leah out on the patio. Leah’s got her laptop out and is answering emails. The two women commiserate with each other about how difficult it is to run a clothing empire. Life is so tough, am I right?

Ramona joins them, wearing a swimsuit that defies description. But I’ll try. There’s a collar strap that wraps around her nape and a boob keyhole in the front. And it’s covered in lemons. Of course, she’s teamed it with strappy, white high heels. 

Luann de Lesseps  and Dorinda join the group and wait for breakfast. Sonja thanks the ladies for her birthday party the night before, but when she says she needs to work on her invites for the launch, Dorinda chastises her for not being present. Then Dorinda gets up from the table and stalks around, yammering about how busy she is, how she has a million things to do, too. She stomps into the house and grabs her phone. Lu urges Sonja to work after breakfast.

When Dorinda comes back to the table, she says if breakfast is now work time, she has work to do, too. Leah didn’t realize answering emails at the table would be so upsetting, but agrees to put away work for now. Hey, even Lu could be working on her cabaret script, but she’s here, having breakfast with the women and focusing on the now.

Sonja won’t be cowed. She heads inside to work on her invites. She’s on a roll, and she’s not stopping.

Outside, Lu, ever the Countess, says it’s rude to sit at the table and be on your phone the whole time. Isn’t this what their parents taught them? Um, I’m pretty sure the only phone Lu had growing up contained a coiled cord and a rotary dial. Anyway, Leah feels attacked by the way Dorinda keeps carrying on about table etiquette. When Dorinda walks to the kitchen to ask for jam, Ramona whispers to Lu and Leah that Dorinda was starting to spiral out and get angry. Luckily, they shut her down in time. 

After breakfast — a work-free breakfast — Ramona and Sonja Morgan retreat to their room. Ramona talks about Dorinda’s anger problem. She’s always been one to snap, but it was like a pop-up storm — dangerous and scary, but over quickly. These days, Dorinda gets in an angry loop and can’t seem to snap out of it. No one is safe from her wrath once she gets going.

Ramona wonders if Dorinda is menopausal. Sonja warns caution about bringing up the “M word” because it’s very offensive. In fact, Sonja has a theory. She thinks the witches that were burned in Salem were just women going through the change. Okay, then!

Leah and Lu take a stroll on the beach where they run in to two men. Leah wonders if they’re gay, but by their long shorts, Lu sizes them up as straight men. The men nod and say hello as they pass, but Luann stops to talk. The men say they are guests of the resort. A couples’ resort, Lu coyly asks. Kind of. But the men contend they’re not a couple.

Leah McSweeney

Then Luann de Lesseps gets right to the point. They aren’t wearing wedding rings. Does that mean they’re single? Yep, they are. And hey, Lu’s single, too! When one of the men says he’s from Montreal, Lu shows off her French accent. Then she invites the men into the house.

They all head to the bar and order drinks, but Leah sticks to water. Ramona steps out, wondering who these two handsome men are. Sonja, our resident horndog, is still working.

Leah McSweeney isn’t too sure about these guys, but when one says his tattoo is for his daughter, who is the sunshine of his life, she crumbles. Lu invites the guys to go out with them later that night.

Fast forward to nighttime. The ladies are getting ready for dinner, but Dorinda’s in intestinal distress. She shat on her floor trying to get dressed. For Ramona, that’s just too much information. But Sonja reminds Ramona that she, too, has shat on the floor. Remember Cartagena from a couple seasons ago? Sonja thinks Dorinda should just pull on her big girl diapers and come out with the group.

Leah McSweeney steps into the room, wondering why Dorinda isn’t ready. Dorinda lies in bed, looking wan and sick. Ramona asks if Leah has been brushing her teeth with tap water. Yep, she has. And she’d love a good bout of the scoots right now! She’s a little plugged up. Wow. Just…wow.

Luann de Lesseps joins the crew in Dorinda’s room, and after taking one sniff, is horrified. She scampers off to grab the Chanel body spray, then returns and spritzes the room with it. Dorinda has no time to enjoy the scent, because she’s off to the loo again.

The four women leave Dorinda Medley at home and arrive at the swanky restaurant. Let the drinking begin! Sonja is taken by their waiter. As she wonders out loud if he’s of age, the two Canadian men from that morning arrive. They let the men sit in the middle of the table, like an appetizer they all want to nibble on.

When Phillipe and Pasquale ask the ladies how they know one another, Leah pipes up about Ramona and their love-hate relationship. She says Sonja was a bitch at first, but now they’re good. Leah declares Luann a Legend.

The waiters show up with sparklers and bottles. Shots are poured. Ramona stands and dances around the table as the other diners look on. Lu takes off her sweater to reveal her toned arms. Pasqual gets up and dances with Ramona and Lu.  Ramona mentions that Phillipe is pretty cut. Pasqual says that’s because he’s younger. Ramona says both men are younger than she is, but Pasqual, ever the Canadian gentleman, says he and Ramona must be the same age: forty-four. Ramona’s eyes start to pop at the compliment. She tells him she’s in her sixties. 

By now, Leah is on Phillipe’s lap and is making out with him at the table. Sonja and Lu stand off to the side, happy Ramona and Leah are getting their flirt on. I think Lu needs to write a new etiquette book to update us on what’s appropriate meal time behavior. Laptops and phones are verboten, but groping strangers is encouraged. 

The next morning, Dorinda is recovering. Ramona steps into Scoot Central to check on her friend. After the women left for dinner the previous night, Dorinda was attended to by a doctor named Caesar Casanova. 

Ramona downloads on dinner. She shows a video of Leah making out with Phillipe at the table. Later, Leah brought him home and according to Ramona, they were all over each other. Ramona compares Leah to an untamed stallion. I don’t think she’s super familiar with horseflesh. Leah steps in with her coffee. She says she had a cuddle with Phillipe, then she kicked him out.

As they all head to the kitchen, Leah admits to Ramona she peed the bed. And she hasn’t had sex in months, so she wasn’t going to give it up for Phillipe. No matter how cool his tats are! He was too bossy.

Sonja Morgan finally rouses, and they all head out to see a shaman. Leah feels like hell. She still smells like tequila, but she’s bound and determined to keep up with the rest of the crew. Fortunately, Lu has lots of provisions, including Advil and green juice.

Luann shows a photo of a guy who’s in her show. He’s super cute, and he won American Idol. When Ramona sees the pic, he seems familiar. A little too familiar. Ramona dated him, and so did Tinsley Mortimer. How is it they all keep meeting and doing the same men?

The women meet with the shaman, who asks nature to take care of them. Every bird starts squawking as he speaks, which scares Dorinda. Next, they head to the cenote. The must be lowered by ropes into the water. Sonja has no desire to trust the ropes. She and Ramona decide to go another route.

Luann is game and goes first. She very slowly lowers herself into the waterhole, but she’s doing it. Dorinda is next. Then Leah, who’s freaking out. She dangles midway before finally slipping into the water. 

The cave is beautiful. The water is blue-green and stalactites drip as the women swim and avoid the bats. Ramona and Sonja use the stairs to get into the water. 

Afterward, it’s time for lunch. The women sip on cucumber juice and talk about the experience. Leah wasn’t fazed by the shaman. She sees a bruja in Brooklyn who helped her get over a bad breakup. Apparently, his bad energy was stored up in Leah’s hooha. She used a crystal egg to banish it. Ramona just rolls her eyes. 

During lunch, Dorinda takes a phone call from Hannah, and instead of excusing herself, talks with the speaker on. Lu looks aghast. Didn’t they just have this etiquette convo the day before? When Ramona dares to say anything, Dorinda explains why the rules are different for her. This is her daughter, not an invite list. Her. Daughter! 

The ladies start arguing about it. Ramona wants to know why Dorinda is so angry all the time. Lu tells Dorinda that she’s had a turn blowing up at all of them, and it’s not fair. Dorinda can dish it out, but can’t take it. She steps away from the table and makes snarky comments as she goes.

Ramona now has a meltdown and starts with the fake tears. She just wants to help Dorinda, but she won’t listen! Even Sonja is tired of Ramona’s crocodile tears. Ramona is making this all about her — as yush. 

When Dorinda returns, she asks if Ramona is okay. Then she mocks her for being hysterical.

As they leave, Ramona turns on Leah, wondering why she didn’t say anything. She demands Leah agree with the rest of the women. Leah thinks ganging up on Dorinda isn’t the best way to deal with the situation.

And that’s our episode. The peace they sought from the shaman didn’t last long, did it? So, have you enjoyed seeing the women vacay in Mexico? What was your favorite part?

 

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