Ramona Singer stalks off, leaving behind a confused group of women (and a very drunk Sonja). Dorinda follows Ramona into the house while Sonja asks if Leah really flashed her vadge to a room full of New York doyens. Leah says no, she didn’t show her hooha to half the upper East side. But if she had, so what?
Sonja Morgan, who can’t utter a coherent word, staggers into the house, as well. Dorinda puts her to bed, and Luann takes a sip of Sonja’s drink to find out what she’s been ingesting. Wine and Coke. Gross!
Dorinda Medley heads down to the pool and confronts Ramona, who sits on a lounger, glancing through her phone. Dorinda doesn’t like seeing Sonja come to dinner shitfaced. Ramona shrugs, saying she’s seen Dorinda in that state. Dorinda disagrees. She’s seen Ramona drink too much, has never made a big deal about it, and helped Ramona when she couldn’t take care of herself. As Dorinda Medley sits down to talk, Ramona moves to another lounger, putting some distance between herself and Dorinda. When Ramona is cornered, she flees, and that’s what she’s doing here.
Dorinda Medley tells Ramona to, “get your shit together.” Ramona accuses Dorinda and Sonja of both being alcoholics who should find the nearest AA meeting.
Upset, Dorinda Medley walks back to the table and tells Luann and Leah what happened. Dorinda is tired of Ramona’s low blows. Luann plays peacemaker, offering to talk to Ramona. Meanwhile, Dorinda orders another spritzer while Leah wonders what she did to piss off Ramona in the first place.
Luann plants herself on a lounger next to Ramona and basically calls out her hypocritical attitude. The Singer Stinger isn’t exactly a teetotaler herself. Ramona goes out every night, and she’s drinking mocktails? Not likely! Ramona dangles her water bottle in Lu’s face, saying she drinks water when she goes out. She doesn’t have a problem, like the rest of the women on this show.
Dorinda is in tears as she complains to Leah. How dare Ramona call Dorinda a drunk? That’s just hurtful!
As Dorinda falls apart, Lu chastises Ramona for calling attention to Leah’s bipolar issues. Ramona theorizes that the condition is why Leah “acts nutty.” I’m cringing, people. Cringing!
Ramona thinks Dorinda has zero self-awareness. This from the least self-aware woman on the show — and that’s saying something.
Ramona Singer heads to bed and Lu comes back to the table. She gives Dorinda a hug and tries to soothe things over by saying it’s been a long day, everyone’s tired. That’s not going to fly with this crew. Ramona doesn’t get a pass this time. Dorinda points out, yet again, that Lu went to jail for her drinking problems. She violated probation because of her drinking, and Ramona has the audacity to call out Dorinda?!
Luann doesn’t take kindly to the reminder of her time behind bars. She deems Dorinda a hypocrite, too. But Dorinda says she’s not drunk every night, and she’s never been in jail. Lu finally has enough and tells Dorinda it’s not nice to keep bringing up the incarceration. Dorinda is now in hyper aggressive mode and accuses Lu of starting the war of words.
Dorinda swears she’s in bed at a decent time every night, unlike Ramona who’s out until four a.m. — even on weeknights. Dorinda declares that anyone out past midnight is “fucking and finding.” I’ll take her word for it!
The next morning, Leah lies in bed facetiming her sister. When Dorinda pops in, Leah wonders if Dorinda remembers baiting Lu the night before. Yep, she remembers, and she still thinks Lu endorsed Ramona’s taunts. Dorinda is convinced that Lu threw a few drinking jabs her way. Nope. That’s not how it went down. Leah concurs, and since she was mostly sober, she can actually recall what was said. But she’s finding that you can’t cross swords with Dorinda. She’ll cut a bitch!
Ramona and Sonja are up and at ’em. Sonja Googled her water pill and found that if she drinks alcohol with it, it will give her “drunken sailorness walk.” Shouldn’t that be Drunken Sailor Syndrome, and is that even a thing? I thought a bottle of rum and a peg leg contributed to a drunken sailor walk. Argh, matey!
Ramona counsels Sonja not to drink and take pills — any pills. Sonja tosses the bottle in the trash. Then Ramona states her plan to speak to Leah in a one on one sesh, hoping to put an end to their bad feelings.
In the gym, Lu and Leah meet up. Leah backs Lu’s version of events from the previous night. Dorinda went on the attack, not the other way around. Lu is still stinging from Dorinda’s thoughtless words.
Next, Luann heads to the kitchen and speaks to Ramona. Lu thinks Ramona needs to let go of her anger toward Leah. It isn’t rational. And besides, she has a whole new problem to deal with this morning in the form of Dorinda.
Ramona looks up anger management on her phone and diagnoses Dorinda. And she has a point. We see flashbacks of Dorinda engaging in verbal spars with the women throughout the season, usually after Dorinda has had a few drinks.
Leah steps into the kitchen and orders her omelet. Ramona approaches her and offers to have a talk to clear the air. They head outside.
Ramona held Leah to a high standard, thinking Leah had a lot of potential. When Leah acted out at Ramona’s party she wasn’t being “demure” and that hurt Ramona’s feelings. Since when has Leah ever been demure, Ramona? Since never!
Leah still doesn’t understand what she did that made Ramona bring up her mental health issues. Ramona backtracks, says she now wants to move forward. Leah shrugs and says she doesn’t give a shit what Ramona’s friends think of her. They hug it out, and Leah is finally understanding these women don’t admit when they’re wrong. They seem physically incapable of it.
At the breakfast table, Dorinda wants to put aside the night before and start anew. Sonja tells the group she tossed out her water pills. They all decide Day Two will be a reset. But Luann is still hurt and upset that her jail time was thrown in her face.
The women pile into a van to head to the beach to ride camels. Dorinda talks about the night ahead. She’s planning a surprise to celebrate Sonja’s birthday.
Luann warily approaches the camel and we see a slo mo flashback of her time Morocco, where she almost fell off of one in the middle of the desert. Despite their fear, the ladies gamely hop on the humps. Except Ramona. She’s going to walk beside the caravan.
Sonja refuses to take the feisty camel. Even though she picked a more docile ride, she’s ready to get down at once because her camel is irritable. As Sonja’s camel is lowered to its knees, Leah jumps down from her saddle.
Now, Sonja, Ramona, and Leah take a dip in the sea. Lu and Dorinda stick it out and are rewarded with cocktails after their ride.
Afterward, they all head to the cabana where ceviche is served in a bottle. During lunch, Lu pulls Dorinda into another cabana to hash out the night before.
Dorinda thinks Lu cosigned Ramona’s accusations involving her need for AA. Lu denies it, saying she only relayed what Ramona said. She was a messenger, that’s it! But they can’t come to an understanding. They finally make a pact not to bring up the other’s drinking problems.
Side note: Lu’s body is banging. Apparently, she didn’t spend her time in isolation stress eating chocolate chip cookies. Like I did. Huh.
Okay, back to the show. After lunch, Leah heads out to the water, while Lu and Ramona watch male volleyball players spike it on the sand. Lu jumps in to play.
Though Lu declares herself “pretty good” at volleyball, she keeps hitting the ball into the net. It rebounds and smacks her in the face, making her lose her balance and fall on her ass. But she laughs it off and tries again.
Now it’s evening and the women are getting ready for dinner. Sonja decides to be wild and wear underwear for a change.
At the restaurant, they tell Sonja it’s her night. They celebrate her birthday by dancing to the mariachi band. A waiter, who is as tall as my tiny grandma who suffered from osteoporosis, walks out with a bottle of tequila on his head. Luann dances with him, and it’s kind of adorable.
The women suck down cocktails, which are also served on the waiter’s head. He has four margaritas piled on top of his dome. The ladies are super impressed and take pics of his unique skills. Dorinda congratulates herself on picking a fun restaurant and making Sonja smile.
As they tuck in to their appetizers, Luann scopes out two guys near the bar. One of the men reminds Leah of Pablo Escobar. But as Sonja reminds us all, criminals have dicks, too.
Sonja says hitting it with these two strangers would be as dangerous as Ramona’s online dating escapades. Ramona reminds us she’s done with swiping. It just didn’t work for her.
Leah and Ramona can agree on one thing—they want a man who’s their equal. Ramona reminisces about her divorce from Mario and the depression she suffered. She was determined not to hate him, but it was a long road to forgiveness. Leah respects Ramona for putting her daughter ahead of her anger toward Mario.
Ramona and Leah discuss life and trade stories while Dorinda and Luann scurry off to the restroom. Dorinda has a birthday surprise for Sonja.
When Luann emerges from the bathroom, she’s wearing a sombrero, a lighted cape, and carrying a portable karaoke machine. She wishes Sonja a happy birthday as the other diners look on in confusion. Lu sings and Dorinda pops out with a cake in one hand while wearing big old false titties, which Sonja immediately motorboats.
During dinner, Leah stands behind the waiter and cradles his head in both her hands as he leans back against her bosom. He’s grinning like it’s the best night of his life.
Leah wonders if she should drink the water so she can get Montezuma’s revenge. Seems like an easy way to get a colonic. Sonja offers to lend Leah a few adult diapers from her stash. Leah, now a little drunk, says Ramona’s pussy is tight. She doesn’t need diapers. Ramona winces and begs Leah to stop talking about body parts. But then we see a flashback from the day before, where Sonja proclaims to the group that she has a chubby pussy. Ramona thought that was hilarious, but when Leah says it — not so much.
Ramona tells Leah if they want to continue to get along, she should refrain from mentioning body parts. But Ramona brought up Leah’s vadge to all her friends, and Leah reminds Ramona of it. Ramona leaves the table, and Leah follows in her wake.
Ramona now decides she can ignore Leah. At her party, she couldn’t ignore Leah’s behavior. Not in front of her fifty bestest best friends. Again, Ramona pleads with Leah not to discuss her lady bits. Leah says Ramona talked about her box all over town. Ramona insists she’s a good Catholic girl who’s embarrassed by such smut. But we see a compilation of Ramona talking about sex, which discounts her now prudish behavior.
Ramona returns to the table and kisses the back of Leah’s head. She promises they’ll talk tomorrow. Ramona thinks Leah wants the older woman’s approval and is also testing Ramona’s boundaries. Even Dorinda says Leah’s poking the bear, but the women crack up at Leah’s antics and the tension is diffused.
That’s the end of our episode. So, do you think Ramona was out of line with Leah? Did Luann attack Dorinda or was it the other way around?