When last we left our crazy crew, the Real Housewives of New York City had destroyed Ramona Singer’s “coming out” birthday party. Will there be grudges and hard feelings? This is a Housewives show…so yes.
But first, we start with Luann de Lesseps. She’s promised a spa day for the women she met at the halfway house last week. And who’s on hand to help Luann with this project? Ramona. Hmm, Luann. That’s a bold choice.
When Ramona Singer enters the salon, Luann is wearing a wig with bangs. Ramona thinks she looks like that “actress who married the older gentleman.” You know, Katherine McPhee? I laughed out loud at her description of David Foster. Ramona tells Lu her birthday party was perfect, except for Leah McSweeney. She ruined the whole night by her scandalous actions!
The two go on to discuss what a disaster Sonja Morgan was. Drunk, angry, and stomping on a glass tray. Luann can’t talk to Sonja Morgan about it, because Sonja isn’t ready to acknowledge she has a problem.
As for Leah, Ramona thinks the newbie was nothing but an embarrassment around her rich, cultured girlfriends. Ramona doesn’t even want to look Leah in the eye.
Dorinda Medley brings a car to pick up Leah. They’re both a bit solemn after spending the previous night with Ramona and her fifty girlfriends. Dorinda is ticked that Ramona had the balls to ask all the attendees to cough up a hundred bucks a piece so that she could buy herself that green Gucci handbag. That takes some nerve. Or a serious lack of self-awareness. At any rate, Leah’s glad Ramona finally has a real Gucci purse, because she’s been carrying around a fake one all season.
As for Dorinda, she has a piece of glass stuck in her foot, glass from Sonja’s mirror-shattering dance atop the ottoman. But Leah took the brunt of Ramona’s anger at the party, not Sonja. According to Dorinda, Leah is younger, thinner, and gorgeous. Ramona’s straight up jealous of her newest castmate.
The women from the Fortune Society arrive for their spa day. There’s a nice spread of food and sparkling water. When Ramona tries to casually ask a woman how long she’s been out of prison, the lady makes it easy for her, answering the questions without blinking.
Sonja Morgan arrives in a faux fur jacket. She immediately slams Lu for her fake bangs. But before she can rip the wig off Luann’s head, Dorinda and Leah show up. Ramona pretends Leah doesn’t exist.
Dorinda Medley whips off her sock and shoe to show the other women where the glass is lodged in her foot. Sonja barely remembers stomping on the mirrored tray and smashing it to bits. Ramona whispers to Sonja what happened, hoping to jog her memory.
Ramona Singer chides Sonja. Someone could have been seriously hurt. What if Sonja has too much to drink one night and winds up like Luann — in handcuffs?
The salon owner is ready to get busy with his latest clients. The women from the Fortune Society are so excited and happy to be pampered, but there’s Housewives business afoot, so Leah asks to speak to Luann alone.
Leah expresses her disgust over Ramona’s behavior from the night before. All the women were grinding on one another. It wasn’t just Leah. Why is she being singled out?
Leah finally calls Ramona out for being a terrible person, a phony, someone who doesn’t support other women, and states she’s tired of getting picked on by the Singer Stinger. Ramona keeps talking to Sonja in a low voice, not even deigning to glance in Leah’s direction.
Leah McSweeney storms off as Ramona continues to ignore her. Luann and Dorinda follow. Leah doesn’t want to ruin spa day, so she opts to leave.
Sonja Morgan is now sitting alone for a few minutes, so she takes the time to eat without anyone (but the cameras) watching. She figures there could be a lot of reasons Ramona is upset with Leah, but it’s still uncouth to ignore her at a group event.
Before Dorinda leaves for her doctor’s appointment, she encourages Ramona to talk to Leah. But Ramona adamantly refuses to discuss Leah and the birthday party lap dance.
The Fortune Society women continue their treatments. The transformations are amazing. Good for them!
Later, Sonja stops by the Century 21, and the store is now filled with her line of clothes. Dorinda comes in to offer her congrats. She’s impressed with Sonja’s perseverance.
Next, Ramona stops by the store and makes appropriate noises of appreciation. But even Ramona is impressed with the sparkly dresses hanging by Sonja’s name.
The women talk about the upcoming trip to Mexico. They’re renting a house with a pool and a chef. What more could the ladies want? Well, Dorinda wants peace between Ramona and Leah. Ramona capitulates. She can be polite toward Leah, but don’t expect anything more!
Once Dorinda leaves, Ramona tells Sonja that Leah is bipolar. She shouldn’t be drinking when she’s on her meds, because it’s a bad combination. Ramona supposedly heard this info from her friends who scoured the internet and read about the issue on Leah’s own blog. I feel this is something Leah should have shared with the audience, if that was her choice. Sonja feels the same way. She’s now getting along with Leah and doesn’t want to let this news affect their tentative friendship.
The trip is upon us! All the women arrive at the airport. Luann’s vibrator goes off in her suitcase even though she swears it’s a juice mixer that accidently got flipped on.
When the ladies reach Villa Casa del Mar, they’re agog. They’re met with a mariachi band, damp towels, and cocktails. While everyone else remains outside, Ramona slips into the house to check it out.
When they step out back to look at the pool, Ramona doesn’t wait to don her swimsuit before trying to climb atop the floaty. She falls right into the water and shakes it off with a shrug.
Ramona and Sonja lounge on the patio alone, where Ramona says she’s hurt by Leah’s behavior. She specifically asked Leah to act with maturity at her party. In reality, she asked Leah to make sure her tits were covered. Not quite the same thing.
In tears, Ramona says she had to pull down Leah’s dress, which had ridden up over her ass as she danced on Lu’s lap.
Silly Sonja agrees that Leah should have been on her best behavior, because she didn’t know most of the guests and because Ramona’s daughter, Avery, was in attendance. Why these same rules didn’t apply to Sonja, I have no idea. Seems pretty hypocritical to hold Leah to a higher standard.
On a different patio, Leah, Lu, and Dorinda are eating. Ramona and Sonja finally join them.
After lunch, Dorinda makes the ladies play a game for room assignments. What does Sonja do after a big meal? She farts. Point to Luann! Leah got the second answer correct, leaving Sonja and Ramona to choose last.
Outside, Dorinda and Leah discuss Ramona’s attitude. Leah knows Ramona is spreading the word about her depression. And that’s a line too far. Sonja called Leah and let the bipolar news slip. Leah now tells us that she was diagnosed on her thirtieth birthday. She’s not on medication, and she’s worked hard to get her life on track.
Dorinda has had enough of Ramona’s antics. She’s not happy Ramona is smearing Leah to their friends.
Upstairs, Ramona and Sonja are unpacking, because if they don’t get things put away ASAP, they’ll be too drunk to do it later. Dorinda steps into their room and urges Ramona to speak to Leah. Ramona insists she’s been very polite thus far. And hey, if Leah wants to apologize, she should come see Ramona, not the other way around.
Sonja thinks Leah should just own her behavior. It’s not hard to say sorry!
Before dinner, Leah facetimes her daughter, Keir, who urges her mom to fix her hair. And while Dorinda and Lu are also getting themselves ready for dinner, Ramona is making a maid curl her hair. But not the ends! Dear God in heaven, not the ends!!
Sonja is curled in bed, drinking wine. Naked.
Dorinda lets Leah wear her leopard print caftan, but warns Leah not to tell the others she borrowed it. She doesn’t want Ramona to find fault with Leah’s clothing choice for the evening. Downstairs, Leah is irritated that Ramona is going around town saying Leah showed off her vagina. Even if she did, so what? Why not just confront Leah instead of talking to everyone else about it?
Sonja finally throws off the covers and bares her bod to the maid. Lu goes to check on Sonja. Ramona doesn’t think Sonja is merely drunk. She must have had a booze and Xannie cocktail or something. (Again, Ramona’s giving us a double standard here.)
Sonja settles herself in the bathroom, covers her boobs with a towel, and lets the maid do her hair, as well. Lu stops in and takes a whiff of Sonja’s drink. It’s just coffee, but she must have been tossing back drinks all day, because she’s clearly not sober.
As Dorinda Medley heads up to see what’s taking Sonja and Ramona so long, she passes Lu. Lu says Sonja is already wasted. Dorinda thinks Sonja should just tuck herself into bed and have a quiet night. But Sonja, who can’t put on lip gloss with a steady hand, insists she’s ready.
Once more, Sonja struts around naked in front of the embarrassed maid and struggles into a robe. Dorinda helps her get dressed and discusses Ramona’s hypocrisy. She overlooks Sonja’s crazy behavior but berates Leah at every turn.
Ramona comes downstairs, but she doesn’t go outside because Leah is on the patio. Instead, Ramona hides in the kitchen.
Dorinda comes down and tells the women they need to encourage Sonja to take it easy and have an early night. Lu wants to know what Sonja’s been tippling all day. Coke and rose wine. First of all, Luann deems that gross, and second, Sonja had something much stronger than watered down wine.
Sonja stumbles down in her gown and a straw gardening hat and what appear to be shower shoes. Ramona is hesitant to leave the kitchen, instead talking about what kind of citrus makes the best marinade for ceviche.
Finally, the women meet outside at the table. Sonja starts flirting with the chef. While he’s trying to instruct them on ceviche, Sonja calls for more wine. Then she tosses off her hat. Then she starts rambling.
Sonja is a hot, sloppy mess as she starts talking about Leah. Sonja encourages Leah to speak her piece to Ramona. While Leah explains that she feels betrayed by Ramona putting her depression on blast, Ramona’s eyes bug out of her head and she wears that little, scary smile she uses when she’s super pissed off. She tells Leah that she was looking for an excuse for Leah’s behavior the night of the party.
Luann and Dorinda don’t understand what Leah did that was so wrong. They were all dancing up on one another. Ramona now gets defensive. She doesn’t want to have this conversation in front of the group. (Let’s remember she didn’t really want to have this conversation at all!)
Leah tells Ramona to stop discussing her vadge all over the upper east side. Not cool! Ramona doesn’t even like the word “vagina.” Why would she be talking about Leah’s body parts, anyway? Ramona Singer struggles through false tears to tell Leah how hurtful her behavior had been. Leah wants an example, but Ramona refuses to give her one. She says she took Leah in and all she got back was a night of embarrassment and hurt.
Next, Ramona Singer starts saying, “You’re right. I’m crazy. You don’t get me, you’re right.” Leah points out that Ramona called her crazy, not the other way around. Ramona angrily stomps upstairs, running away like she always does during a confrontation.
Sonja lectures Leah that when you come into this group, you can’t just act however you want. But Sonja’s drunk and making zero sense. Dorinda says they’ve all acted out, and as a group, they manage to forgive one another. Lu agrees.