Welcome back to an all-new episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills — the one where the fourth wall is DUNZO.
The ladies all embark on their journey to Italy with enough hair and makeup people to staff a 30-chair salon. Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Erika Girardi, Dorit Kemsley and Teddi Mellencamp arrive first. Denise Richards and Garcelle Beauvais show up later that evening.
Once they land they head straight to the bar where the rest of the women are congregated in an effort to surprise them. Teddi winces when she catches a glimpse of her BFF Kyle giving Denise a warm hug. Doesn’t Kyle know there’s only room for one bosom buddy??? Poor Sutton Stracke brings up the rear, arriving the following day after moving mountains to obtain her passport amongst all the common folk AND THEN sitting through a commercial flight. THE HORROR.
On the first full day in Rome, the group takes in a little sightseeing before it’s off to the races. Next up: shopping! While Garcelle Beauvais is trying on a fur coat to the tune of $30K and Lisa is head-to-toe Fendi, Teddi is off in the corner pouting. No surprise there. Denise walks over and tries to make small talk with the pregnant pouty princess but gets nowhere fast.
The ladies eventually meet for dinner at the hotel restaurant and this is where all hell breaks loose. But first: a fashion show by Dorit Kemsley and Erika. Erika’s lewk appears effortless but Dorit’s outfit is a little too tryhard, just like that Italian accent of hers.
Teddi Mellencamp waits approximately two minutes after everyone is seated before immediately calling Denise out for the “terrible” things she supposedly said about her. Denise looks like a deer in headlights as Lisa and Kyle also pile on. Denise vehemently denies ever saying any of the hateful things Brandi Glanville accused her of saying. Then Teddi drops a bomb that there’s much more to the story and alludes to the tryst Denise supposedly had with Brandi.
Denise Richards appears clueless as Dorit demands clarification and Kyle Richards and Lisa back away slowly, leaving Teddi as the sacrificial lamb. After some cajoling from the rest of the ladies, Teddi finally blurts out “I’m not going to torture you any longer. She said you two had sex.” YIKES.
Denise Richards’ eyes well up with tears as she continues to distinguish the rumors that Teddi has abruptly sprayed into the air. In a last-ditch effort (and apparently something she’s known for) Denise yells out “Bravo, Bravo, Bravo” incorrectly assuming that the conversation wouldn’t be aired now that the proverbial fourth wall has been broken. She also looks directly at the cameramen and pleads with them to not air the conversation. The ladies then take Denise to task for trying to control the storyline by asking that things not be aired.
The dinner comes to an awkward close with the entire table of women quiet as church mice. Kyle Richards and Dorit Kemsley bump heads for the 85th time this season when Dorit tries to stick up for Teddi and in a bizarre turn of events Kyle sticks up for Denise. Could it be that sticking up for Denise in any shape or form was all part of her plan to make it appear that her hands are clean of concocting this entire storyline with Brandi? Hate to break it to you folks but while disgraced RHOBH alum Lisa Vanderpump works hard, you can bet Lisa Rinna’s new Fendi ensemble that Kyle Richards works harder. Oh yeah, and somewhere in the mix Sutton GIVES IT to Teddi when she demands that Teddi stop talking to her “that way.” Two snaps for Sutton.
The episode wraps with an icky feeling all around. Denise Richards leaves in tears, only this time she waits to excuse herself from the table when the rest of the group leaves too. Take that ladies.
Is the trip doomed from here on out? Tune into The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills next week as Denise/Brandi gate continues…