Welcome back to an all-new episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills — the one where Kyle Richards pretends to host a “family barbecue” sans her husband and children but gets offended by Denise Richards for leaving her children at home too.
The episode opens with Garcelle Beauvais being honored for her volunteer work at the Legacy of Vision gala. Aha! So this is why Garcelle is too busy to come and play with the other ladies. Besides the films she’s shooting, producing and acting in she also manages to give back to her community. The rest of the ladies should take notes.
Tensions mount when Garcelle Beauvais receives her award and proceeds to shade a special someone-ahem, Kyle– in the same breath. She thanks her newfound best friends but quickly adds, “Well, some of them…not so much.” Both Kyle and her lapdog, Teddi Mellencamp, are deeply offended by the jab, but this is Beverly Hills after all, so the air kisses and phony smiles still don’t skip a beat.
Later that evening, after the ladies have participated in yet another round of Denise Richards bashing, the tension between Kyle and Garcelle comes to a head. Garcelle calls Kyle out for not being more than surface-level with her. “I feel like I’m much more interested in what you have to say than what I have to say.” Kyle doesn’t take kindly to the assertion and snaps back, “bring it on.” Garcelle calmly responds “I don’t have to bring anything on. I was just making a point.” YIKES.
The next day, at Kyle Richards’ “family barbecue” complete with catered food, fresh florals, fancy linens, a teepee fit for 15- oh yeah and a bouncy house for the kids, Kyle and the rest of the ladies feign surprise when Denise and Aaron show up without her daughters. “I got a bouncy house and everything,” is Kyle’s response when she learns that none of Denise’s daughters will be in attendance. Really Kyle? COME ON. Just last week you had Lisa Rinna doing the dirty work asking Denise if her daughters were aware of their father’s escapades with prostitutes and this week you actually think she’s gonna bring them over to be subjected to more of the same. While I’m sure little Eloise appreciates the sentiment, I’m quite positive she’d rather not take her bouncy house fun with a side of public humiliation at the hands of a bunch of bored, rich women. GTFO of here.
Once dinner is served, Sutton Stracke is tasked with choosing her own seat at a dinner party yet again. Meanwhile, a very pregnant Teddi is trying to shimmy her way down on to one of the bean bag puffs that are doubling as dining chairs. Once everyone’s seated Garcelle and Denise start carrying on their own side conversation. Garcelle asks Denise where her kids are. “Do you think I’d bring them around everyone?” Kyle’s ears immediately perk up. “That’s why your kids aren’t here???,” she asks. Denise admits that’s partly true. While her daughters may be at sleepovers and playdates, I think it’s safe to say that even if they weren’t they certainly would NOT be at Kyle’s wholesome backyard barbecue.
Teddi Mellencamp immediately gets to work performing her lapdog duties — questioning Denise about implying that she doesn’t trust the women around her daughters. Garcelle seems like the only one to not be taking the crazy pills that Lisa is famous for, pointing out that it’s Denise’s right as a mother to pick and choose who she brings her children around.
Speaking of crazy pills it appears that Aaron’s still on his, as he launches into a chauvinistic tirade where he essentially scolds the women for piling on Denise Richards and making mountains out of molehills. I get it. He wants to defend his wife from the rabid pack of dogs disguised as housewives but the condescending tone in which he delivers the lecture is enough to make the hair on the back of one’s neck stand up.
Things go from bad to worse when Denise Richards and Teddi spar back and forth and Denise accuses Teddi of being a “shit-stirrer.” Denise eventually waves the proverbial white flag and jumps up from the table demanding that her husband follow suit. Unfortunately, Aaron’s still not done. Denise grabs his hand and pleads for him to remain quiet as they are still on camera. Now, this is where it gets scary. Instead of obliging by his wife’s request, he grits his teeth and threatens to “crush her f***ing hand” if she doesn’t quit telling him what to do. Maybe the ladies should be less concerned about Denise’s decisions as a mother and more concerned about her general safety and wellbeing. Just a thought.
Tune into The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills next week as the drama continues!