Welcome to part one of the
Jax and Friends Vanderpump Rules virtual reunion. Let’s get started!
Before the reunion begins Andy Cohen takes a moment to ask everyone how they’ve been doing throughout Covid-19. Lisa Vanderpump admits that with her restaurants being shut down it’s been challenging emotionally and financially. “All of the staff are on unemployment. We don’t know when we’re going to open again.”
The reunion starts off with a bang when newcomer, Max Boyens admits to hooking up with Kristen Doute. Kristen is all too eager to confirm the news when she adds that it wasn’t just a one-time thing but actually happened TWICE. Everyone seems to find this news funny… except for Stassi Schroeder. Stassi immediately launches into a rant about how Kristen obviously just pretended to be friends with Dayna Kathan. “I’m f***ing shook right now because I thought that Dayna and Kristen were friends, and this is f***ing weird, and I thought that Kristen ‘has been in a relationship’ the whole time. When were you single, Kristen????” she asks.
Kristen Doute, however, seems unbothered by Stassi’s rant. According to Kristen, she and Max hooked up in the fall so all should be forgiven. Stassi doesn’t see it that way and then accuses Kristen of being shady. “You were shady. You were born shady. You remain shady. You’ll always be shady. AND you’re a liar. AND you have no remorse. That’s what makes you insane. I’m disgusted,” she screams. Meanwhile, Poor Beau Clarke looks 50 shades of uncomfortable while he shifts back and forth in his chair. Raise your hand if you think there’s a good chance Beau and Kristen hooked up sometime before he and Stassi got together. Yep, me too.
Perhaps the MVP during this altercation is none other than DJ James Kennedy. He doesn’t seem surprised at all by the revelation. “Kristen is out here doing the same shit she’s been doing for the last decade.” Kristen’s mature response is to tell James he can “suck it.” She then tells him he’s lucky to be on the show and not in jail. OOF.
After months of twitter beef, Jax Taylor and Charli Burnett finally go head to head as well. Jax is adamant that he is not threatened by the new additions to the cast. “I wasn’t threatened. It’s just tough to bring in new people and start these relationships when we’ve had all these old relationships going on so strong.”
Charli, however, quickly calls BS on that. “Threatened enough to go on Twitter and do a rant page of texts and tweets about me when I don’t even have a Twitter. Let alone I don’t even know this like a 50-year-old man. He’s basically a bully. I honestly could give two shits about what Jax thinks or wants. As far as I’m concerned he’s retired and done and wrapped.”
Jax starts screaming at Charli to “know her role” while Krazy Kristen inserts herself in the drama, defending yet another man she’s hooked up with while pretending to be friends with his girlfriend. Good times, good times.
Lisa Vanderpump eventually intervenes and asks Charli to “settle down and show some respect.” That doesn’t sit well with who Charli who immediately points out that no one has shown her any respect from day one. “I don’t need to earn anything. Let alone your guys f***ing okay. I am who I am and I don’t give a f*** if you like me. End of story.”
Jax pretends to be bored by Charli’s long soliloquy. “I just fell asleep,” he says. Charli then tells him it’s past his bedtime anyway and that the “old man” should probably go to sleep. SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL A MEDAL.
Kentucky Muffin Brittany Cartwright, can’t help but defend her man’s honor as she accuses Charli of being the most disrespectful person she’s ever met. LOLOLOL. THAT’S RICH. I’m starting to think all of those tequila shots have done some damage Mrs. Cauchi’s cerebral cortex or maybe even just her peripheral vision as her husband and the epitome of disrespect is literally sitting right beside her. Nice try though, Brattney.
Andy switches gears and takes Jax to task for his comments about Ariana Madix’s sexuality. Jax maintains that it’s not her bi-sexuality that bothers him but just her in general. “She just bothers me. She always has. We’ve never gotten along. We don’t get along. We don’t like each other. That’s fine.” Ariana then smiles warmly as she confesses it’s fun to know that she bothers him so much.
We finally get a little more clarity about the Lala Kent vs Sandoval/Ariana rift and why Lala wasn’t willing to defend Ariana after one of Jax’s tirades at dinner. According to Lala, she was still harboring a little resentment from last season after hearing Ariana’s comment about how she “should toughen the f*** up” after her father passed away. Cue the crocodile tears.
Finally, we get to the part everyone is waiting for. Jax Taylor vs Tom Sandoval. Cue the montage of Jax behaving like a petulant child because Sandoval went home to see his mom on Mother’s Day instead of attending Jax’s pre-bachelor party. We’re then treated to the moment Sandy confronts Jax about the pastor drama on film and effectively ruins the friendship forever.
According to Jax, there were things going on behind the scenes that involved Sandoval supposedly ignoring him and leaving his texts unanswered. But that excuse is quickly thwarted when we see footage of Sandoval pointing out that he did actually respond and Jax responded to his response. Sorry, Jax. The jig is up.
When asked why Tom Sandoval didn’t bring up the pastor drama sooner Sandoval says he was under the assumption that something had been done about it, but when he realized that wasn’t the case he felt the need to bring it up. Tom Schwartz pipes up and says that the confrontation “felt like an indictment.” Jax then swiftly deflects when he accuses Sandoval’s manager, Max, of being guilty of much worse aka the racist tweets from ten years ago.
Lisa comes to Sandoval’s defense and says he doesn’t have the right to fire anyone. “Firstly, as a five percent shareholder, he wouldn’t have the right to terminate his employment. If I fired every one of you that made mistakes, it doesn’t matter to what degree, probably none of you would have a job.” TOUCHÉ.
Andy then gives Max and Brett Caprioni the opportunity to say something in regards to their inappropriate tweets. Max goes first. “If anything I just want to emphasize the apology and say just how sorry I am. I’m an adult now and I cringe even thinking that I said those things. I’m just really sincerely sorry and there’s no excuse.” Brett appears to express the same sentiments. “It wasn’t okay then. It’s not okay now. It’s something I regret deeply.”
Things go from bad to worse between Jax and Sandoval when they spar back and forth about Sandoval being demoted from best man to groomsman. “I have been a way better friend than that motherf***er has ever had in his entire life. And I’ve never had anybody do more f***ed up things to me in my entire life, friend or foe, than Jax motherf***ing Taylor. NEVER,” he screams. Jax is adamant that his biggest regret in life was having Sandoval at his wedding. Really Jax? That’s your biggest regret in life? Sandoval then takes it one step further when he brings up Jax’s estranged mother. “You expected your mom to f***ing hit you up after all the shit you said about her.” SHOTS FIRED. I REPEAT SHOTS FIRED.
Will Tom Sandoval ever be able to live down the comment about Jax’s mother? Tune in next week as the VPR virtual reunion drama continues!