Welcome back to an all-new episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where the ladies continue to talk in circles about drama from last week’s episode. Let’s get started!
We’re back at Denise Richards’ back yard horrible, no good very bad pizza party. The ladies are still trying to hold Kyle Richards accountable for being mean to Dorit Kemsley all of over some damn glam. Kyle hears it from all sides before she decides to storm out of the party with her loyal lap-dog Teddi Mellencamp chasing after her. Kyle really does want to be Lisa Vanderpump, doesn’t she???
Once Kyle Richards leaves, Teddi Mellencamp eventually rejoins the group to fulfill her one true mission of blindly defending her bosom buddy. Teddi chastises the ladies for ganging up on her BFF and tells them that they can no longer pile on one single person to the point of tears. Oh, Teddi. You’ve done it now. To steal a line right out of the popular movie Pretty Woman, “Big mistake. Big. HUGE.” The last thing someone like Teddi (who had her very own sobbing meltdown a mere two episodes ago) should do is tell the rest of the ladies how they should and shouldn’t behave. Cue the pushback.
“So it’s the rules by Teddi???” Dorit sneers. “No, it’s the rules by life and general common decency,” Teddi quips back. Then it’s Lisa Rinna’s turn to get riled up. “Don’t try to hijack this,” she warns Teddi, adding “What else should I do, TEDDI???”
The ladies continue to squabble and squawk back and forth before they eventually reach an impasse. My guess is that production got tired of them beating a dead horse and decided to pack it up and head home. Meanwhile, Teddi slowly gets up from the table as she takes a long sip of water looking a bit shell shocked from it all. One couldn’t make pay me a million dollars to put up with these broads while pregnant… but I digress.
The next day it’s back to business as usual for Lisa as she lives out her fantasy of becoming the next Kris Jenner, minus the billion-dollar lipstick empire, of course. We learn that Amelia Gray and Delilah Belle have been hard at work on a new clothing line, DNA. Get it? Delilah N Amelia. So original. I can’t help but wonder if the wannabe momager had anything to do with naming their line.
Once Lisa arrives at her daughter’s photoshoot she can’t resist the urge to make herself the center of attention. Before you know it, Lisa wiggles her tiny frame into her daughter’s garments and immediately starts striking poses in front of the camera. Hey, maybe she can convince her girls to incorporate some dusters into the Fall collection…
Across town, Denise and Erika Girardi meet for coffee as they rehash the drama from the pizza party. Erika eventually apologizes for her foul language in front of Denise’s youngest daughter, but later adds in her talking head that maybe Denise should’ve known her audience better before throwing her children into the mix. Denise maintains that she wasn’t really as bothered by the language as she was the threesome talk in front of her teenage daughters and their friends. She worries that the kids went back and relayed the X-rated subject matter being thrown around at the dinner party to their parents. “I’ve never been that house,” Denise insists.
The topic of conversation moves on to Kyle when Denise asks Erika why she thinks Kyle got so upset. Erika refuses to acknowledge any wrong-doing by Kyle. Instead, she chalks the outburst up to Kyle being “under a lot of pressure.” Cue the speech we’ve now heard 101 times about how Kyle is shooting a movie, working on a clothing line, “being the best mom”, blah blah blah. Well, alrighty then.
Speaking of wearing so many hats, single mom- Garcelle Beauvais is in full-on party mode as she and her ex-husband work alongside one another to pull off a birthday party for their twin sons. We get a glimpse of her ex-husband, Mike, letting himself in Garcelle’s home and even pouring her a glass of much-needed wine. Garcelle admits that the relationship she has with her ex-husband is somewhat bizarre but insists that it works for them.
We’re finally treated to a glimpse of the national treasure that is Lisa’s 91-year-old mother Lois. I think I speak for all of us when I say that Lois is the breath of fresh air we need in this sea of “fake ass bitches.” Lisa is getting glam done for her daughters’ clothing line party while Lois looks on and laments the disappearance of her own eyelashes. Yep, according to Lois when you get older your eyelashes fall out. Better start stocking up on those strip lashes now ladies…
Later that evening Erika hosts a pre-party at her studio complete with sushi and booze, none of which pregnant Teddi can partake in. Dorit comes sashaying in with a braided ponytail weave that literally drags the ground as she walks. But wait- did she clear that glam with Kyle first?
Lisa and Lois arrive and Lisa wastes no time immediately pulling Kyle aside to apologize for her part in the pizza party fiasco. “That was the wrong example for me to make the other night,” she says. This would be the time for Kyle to offer up her own apology for screaming a big fat F YOU to Lisa across the dinner table ,but of course that never happens.
Meanwhile, Dorit is going on and on about some bizarre business deal she’s entered into with the owner of Buca di Beppo, a chain of restaurants that specializes in Italian comfort food. Umm… WUT? Apparently, the owner is giving her free reign to decorate a dining room inside one of his restaurants. Not exactly the same as owning a restaurant like she led the ladies to believe, but hey, whatever helps Dorit and PK sleep better at night.
Newcomer and “friend of” Sutton Stracke starts spiraling when Lisa reveals that Delilah and Amelia are collaborating with a secret special someone that the ladies all know. Pay attention because this is the moment it becomes all too clear why Sutton was eventually demoted to a “friend of.”
It turns out that Sutton instantly regretted oversharing with the other ladies about how she entered into a million-dollar business deal with Lisa’s hair and makeup artist, Joey Maalouf. Unfortunately, the business deal went south and her relationship with Joey was unsalvageable. Sutton obviously got into her own head thinking that maybe Lisa was going to ambush her with the scary makeup man’s presence and nearly had a panic attack before walking into the event. Once she realizes that the secret collab was with The Fat Jewish and not her wayward business partner she was tickled pink and ready to party.
Dorit, however, was not amused with Sutton’s paranoia and made it her mission to call her out for it later at dinner. Dorit plays into Mama Bear Lisa’s emotions when she says she was genuinely afraid that Sutton was going to cause a scene and start throwing drinks at Amelia and Delilah’s event. That’s all the information Lisa needs to hear before she unleashes the wrath on her friend of seven years. “I would’ve had you kicked out so fast,” she snapped.
Sutton is immediately reduced to tears as she tries to explain that she would never cause a scene at Lisa’s daughters’ event. Kyle jumps in and says she thinks that the whole thing is being blown out of proportion but Dorit is like a dog with a bone as she keeps gnawing. Dorit, we see what you’re doing here and we don’t like it. Sutton is also all too aware of what Dorit is doing as she screams at her across the table, “THAT’S NOT NICE. YOU’RE NOT BEING NICE” while choking back tears. Later in her talking head, Kyle is adamant that she “cannot picture Sutton losing her mind and throwing drinks.” I have to agree with Kyle on this one. Causing a ruckus at another person’s event doesn’t seem like Sutton’s MO. But, I am starting to wonder whether she possesses the thick, calloused skin required to put up with these women. Sutton either needs to learn how to play the game or get out while the getting’s still good.
Dorit then sets her sights on Kyle when she brings up Denise’s dreadful dinner party. Dorit seeks further clarification as to why Kyle called them “fake ass bitches.” Kyle attempts to dance around the subject but eventually caves and uses Denise’s sudden glow up from season one to season two as one of her examples. “Even you, Denise. Down to earth and no makeup last year and now you’re like all of a sudden getting full glam.” Then she references the diamond ice sculpture at Denise’s pizza party. Clearly, that damn ice sculpture has the self-appointed queen of Beverly Hills SHOOK. “Who gives a shit if I have a G-D ice sculpture???” Denise screams.
Denise then launches into a tirade about how contrary to popular opinion she’s actually no stranger to glam as she’s been in the business for a VERY long time and most of the time when she meets the girls she’s just come from set, hence the full glam. Later in her talking head, she gives us even more when she adds, “I AM F’ING DENISE RICHARDS, KYLE. I don’t think these b****** know that I’ve been on like every f’ing magazine cover you can possibly imagine that they would want to be on.” PREACH, RAGAMUFFIN, PREACH.
Unfortunately, as soon as the words left her lips, it becomes clear this is the moment Kyle Richards decides to spend the rest of the season trying to take Denise Richards down. While it may have been really hard to understand why the ladies would collectively gang up on last year’s fan favorite, it becomes all too clear once she dares to go toe to toe with the OG of the group. But be careful ladies. Keep in mind that although Lisa Vanderpump is no longer on the show her infamous tagline still rings true today. “Throw me to the wolves and I shall return leading the pack.”
Tune in next week as the drama continues to unfold!