Well, Real Housewives of New York City fans, we’re finally out of the Hamptons. Back in the city, fashion week is upon us.
Sonja Morgan is planning to show her new collection. She declares one dress “So Tyra Banks.” Tinsley Mortimer is walking for Garo Sparo, and he knows the way to her heart is through a tiara. She does love to play the princess, doesn’t she?
Luann de Lesseps is making plans. Since people are always asking her to play “Marry, F*ck, or Kill” she plans to use that as the jumping off point for her newest cabaret show.
Ramona Singer thinks she needs to tone up, so she does a few exercises. She’s kind of over fashion week, but she still wants to be part of the cool kids’ club, so she’s going anyway.
Sonja Morgan says her brand is for women ages twenty-five to forty-five. This collection is cleverly named Sonja by Sonja Morgan. Each piece costs less than two-hundred-fifty bucks. And though fashion week is nigh, she’s not ready. She doesn’t even have her models lined up.
Sonja Morgan’s team isn’t on the same page as its designer. She doesn’t want to put on a great show with a free bar, she wants to impress buyers.
Tinsley Mortimer’s mom, Dale, cries when she realizes Tinsley hasn’t had an opportunity to walk the runway in ten years. All this sentimentality is making Tinsley cry, too. She’s finally getting her life back. Her publicist is on hand to help her practice her walk — but she’s not happy to be wearing sneakers. Luann, Sonja, Dorinda Medley, Ramona, and Leah McSweeney arrive to show support.
Dorinda Medley snidely comments that Tinsley loves a Disney-themed fashion show. She’ll probably get married in Cinderella’s castle and follow the yellow brick road straight to her prince. Can I just take a moment and ask what is Dorinda’s damage toward Tinsley? Tinsley may not the be the smartest or savviest Housewife, but she’s harmless!
Ramona deems Garo Sparo’s show “edgy.” The ladies are super impressed when Amanda Lepore struts her stuff. Then it’s Tinsley’s turn. She flounces down the runway and looks good doing it.
Leah McSweeney supports Tinsley in this environment. Sonja says she sees the old glimmer of yester-Tinsley. Luann congratulates her and gives Tins a big hug. It’s nice to see the ladies support each other.
At the Pamella Roland fashion show, Luann trawls backstage to get her hair fixed. Sonja, Ramona, and Dorinda arrive to take pics at the step and repeat. Ramona hands her phone to a photographer and demands he take pics with it. She’s shameless.
One of the gifts at the show is a stain kit. Ramona claims she needs it, because Tinsley stained Ramona’s white duvet cover with food. She left her room in the Hamptons a mess and tried to cover her sins with magazines. But this wasn’t some high-end duvet cover. This was Bed Bath and Beyond stuff.
As soon as Tinsley Mortimer arrives, Ramona lectures her about the state of the room. You know what that’s called, Ramona? Karma. You trashed Dorinda’s house, now Tinsley messed with your guest room. Even Steven.
Tinsley says Leah won’t be able to attend this show. She’s having some family issues.
Ramona Singer gripes about Sonja’s reading glasses. They age her. But Sonja is focused on her own problems. She has models who can’t make it to her show, and she’s in crisis mode. She doesn’t have time to worry about what she looks like. She’s typing away on her phone, not bothering to watch the show. Ramona says Sonja is being rude.
The women go to lunch afterward. Dorinda complains that she and Ramona went to dinner a few nights ago, and Ramona refused to share even one of her two dozen oysters.
Sonja Morgan isn’t hungry. She’s in a panic and needs to leave. She’s having a model crisis of epic proportions, people! When Ramona says to leave it to her interns, Sonja declares them incapable. Can’t she just multitask? No! This show needs her full attention. Ramona rubs her shoulders and tries to calm her down. Sonja removes herself to another table to make her calls.
Leah McSweeney arrives and explains she needed a mental moment, and that’s why she didn’t make it to the show. Ramona now lectures Leah about how rude it was to be absent for such a coveted event. Excuse me, but who gave Ramona an etiquette police badge?
Leah begins to cry and says her mother refuses to speak to her. She blames her recent stint off the wagon for the estrangement. Leah texted her mom to say she’d started drinking again. That was a bad decision on her part.
While Ramona blames Leah for the rift, Luann asks if she’s doing all right. Leah felt comfortable drinking with the women. She was in a safe place at Ramona’s house.
Luann de Lesseps agrees that not speaking to your child isn’t the best course of action. But Leah had some wild teen years. And though she’s thirty-seven now, her mother still sees her as the kid who needed rehab.
Tinsley Mortimer understands. Her mother is her best friend, but she also wants to please her mom. Luann and Dorinda don’t tell their moms anything personal. But Dale is so controlling, she didn’t even want Tinsley to curl her hair when she walked the fashion show. As Tinsley carries on about making her own decisions, Dorinda threatens to stab herself.
The oysters come, and Ramona isn’t sharing. Everyone else was talking, and if they didn’t order their meals in a timely manner, too freaking bad.
Later, Leah stops by her office to check in with her people. She specializes in streetwear. She’s had her Married to the Mob brand for fifteen years.
As she gives an interview, her baby daddy arrives. They have an odd relationship. They get along great and are good coparents, but they couldn’t make it as a couple. He doesn’t like the fact that she’s drinking again. But Leah says she has her shit under control. He reminds her that booze has led her down a dark path before. If it starts affecting her kid, he’ll put his foot down. And since Leah’s mom helps out with their daughter, she needs to get back on her mother’s good side. Leah feels judged by her mom. Too bad, Rob says. That’s what parents do: judge.
Dorinda is getting ready for Sonja’s show. Sonja sent clothes for the women to wear. As Luke applies Dorinda’s makeup, she complains about life with John. He’s always making bad decisions. They were recently invited to an event, and Dorinda didn’t want to go. But John snuck out and went without her. Where’s the support? Where’s the respect? Dorinda tells us she’s not worried that he’s cheating. She doesn’t like the fact that he’s so sneaky. Whatever, Dorinda.
Sonja’s big moment is upon us. You know what she’s worried about? The type of flowers on display. Then she berates her assistants and models as she tries to get her VIP place settings in order.
Tinsley and Leah drive to the show together. Leah isn’t wearing Sonja’s clothes. She checked out Sonja’s website ahead of time and said she really liked three dresses. Instead, Sonja sent sweatpants and a pink pimp hat. Is this a passive aggressive dig? Tinsley thinks Sonja is too guileless to plot her revenge via sweatpants.
Ramona Singer arrives to the show with Elyse. Ramona is confused about Sonja’s business situation. She claims Sonja isn’t a designer. These are premade pieces she’s showcasing and claiming as her own. (Kind of like Kyle Richards and her kaftans of many colors.)
Things are chaotic as Sonja roams around, acting confused, waiving paper at everyone. She’s a hot mess.
Meanwhile, Ramona Singer is schooling the bartender on how to make her drink. She declares herself a mixologist.
Dorinda Medley is chatting away with people when John enters and gives her a kiss. She didn’t even know he’d be here tonight. She might have found out earlier, but she’s been dodging his texts for the past couple days. And he seems clueless that she’s angry. That’s never a good sign.
Tinsley and Leah walk in and greet Dorinda. Leah bitches about receiving a sweat suit. When John greets Leah with a kiss, she complains that he’s sweating all over her.
Ramona isn’t wearing Sonja by Sonja Morgan either. Her outfit didn’t fit. Leah takes the opportunity to pull the offending gray knit pants out of a bag and show them off. The other women are appalled. Leah sees this as a direct attack. Dorinda thinks Leah should have gotten even, not angry. She should have spruced up the sweatpants and worn them with pride.
The show starts, but there’s no music. No lights. It’s like the models are stumbling around in semi-dark room. The clothes may be all right (confession time: I’m no fashionista, so I couldn’t tell you if they’re good or not) but the show was amateur hour. Leah agrees.
She takes the time afterward to confront Sonja. She says Sonja’s full of shit, passive aggressive, and still mad about their fight in the Hamptons. Sonja is shocked. She slips on the pants and shows them off. She puts the pink fedora on her head, and goes backstage to rip off her dress and don the cashmere shirt. The gray outfit reminds me of my gym uniform from high school.
As Sonja struts her stuff in the too tight pants, Leah declares she can’t even stay angry. Sonja is just too ridiculous.
And that’s the end of our episode. So, was Sonja retaliating against Leah? Why is Ramona suddenly worried about proper behavior? And was Leah rude to bow out of the Pamella Roland show?
I’m a fiction writer by day and a reality TV addict by night.