Vanderpump Rules

‘Vanderpump Rules’ RECAP: Lala Explodes and Attacks James, Raquel and Billie Lee!

I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.

Vanderpump Rules

We rejoin Vanderpump Rules right where we left off – mid-meltdown with James Kennedy over his disinvite to Mexico. He storms out of club TomTom with Lisa Vanderpump and Tom Sandoval on his heels, telling him to calm down, which never helps.

Vanderpump Rules

Ken even comes out and ads his two cents. James promises not to go on a binger if he can still DJ Billie Lee’s event at SUR. Lisa takes a moment, but gives the final okay. Sandoval and James hug it out and James leaves without destroying everything in his path.

Vanderpump Rules

Over at Stassi’s apartment she is preparing an alcoholic gift for Scheana when the girls go to her apartment tonight for the one and only time. Kristen will be there so mucho alcohol will be needed with Scheana’s enchiladas. Did you know Stassi’s writing a book? She’s struggling to come up with 40 clever things to say per page so Stassi calls her editor and asks for a one-month extension. The editor approves it which is a mistake. She should have only given two weeks that way when Stassi is late again they will have a buffer.

 

We are at Scheana’s apartment in Marina Del Ray. Adam is there because Scheana always needs a man to serve the margaritas. Stassi and Katie arrive with a handle of vodka and Scheana’s face glued on the bottle. Perfect gift. Scheana will cherish it always. Kristen arrives and the temperature drops fifty degrees. Katie and Kristen go outside to talk. Katie tells Kristen that her boyfriend is a dick-hole and Kristen tells Katie her husband is too. Kristen blames herself for only complaining about Carter instead of mentioning all of the good things he does not possess. Stassi and Scheana join them. Kristen says she wants to have a big-girl talk with Lisa over the unequal treatment between herself and James.

Over at James and Raquel’s apartment, James unpacks his suitcase for Mexico even though they weren’t leaving for another week. Raquel is pissed on James’ behalf. They blame Katie. Raquel tries to explain to James that she has no friends and when James fights with the cast she feels even lonelier, except I just explained it better.

Over at SUR, Lala is complaining about cleaning the gross menus. Oh the horror! Giving BJ’s for PJ’s is so much more dignified. Kristen arrives for her big-girl conversation with Lisa with her boobs drooping out. She gives Lisa a peck on the cheek and asks why she didn’t want her at the TomTom party. Lisa’s disdain for Kristen is palpable. Kristen asks Lisa if she can go to the grand opening and Lisa says, yes, if she’s on the Toms’ list, but don’t expect to be on anything other than her shit-list. Kristen takes this as a sign she’s winning over Lisa. Girl is delusional.

Next we join Brittany and Jax at the doctor’s office because Brittany has constant nauseas. Could her body be trying to tell her something? Good news, she doesn’t have a bacterial infection from Jax the doctor thinks it’s an ulcer. Brittany is given a prescription and doctor’s orders to avoid alcohol. Good luck with that one. They’re going to Mexico in a few days. Hola Drunkerita!

Now we are with Lala in the studio to record a song written two weeks before her dad died. Ariana and Stassi drop by for support. Lala takes a break from the auto-tune and the girls talk about how happy they are James isn’t going to Mexico. Lala says she is this close to putting her “fucking claws on this clown” and wants to “drag is skinny British ass so bad.” Then she calls Raquel and James twats. Can you say anger management?

We are back with Jax and Brittany, now they are planning their engagement party, and when I say, they,  I mean Brittany. Jax’s contribution is to complain about money. He will need to bartend his own engagement party to help pay the $8,000 price tag.

It’s time for Brunch with Billie! Lisa arrives to look at the schedule to see who can work the opening of TomTom. She mentions Adam, but Scheana says she wants to bring her fuck-buddy to the opening. Lisa tells Scheana she’s going to get hurt because she is incapable of having a FWB relationship without getting hurt. Scheana ignores this sage advice because she knows better than everyone.

James and Raquel arrive at SUR and he is so excited to be back. This is James’ opportunity to show Lisa how professional he can be. Ariana and Tom arrive for brunch and order Bloody Mary’s, brunch of champions. Lala asks Billie if they can talk. She wants to understand where they got off track. Billie says that when Lala called her every name in the book, it made her question Lala’s character. Proving Billie right, Lala cusses her out, calls her a snake and walks off.

Vanderpump Rules

Over at the DJ booth, Raquel is dissing Lala. She overhears this. Then Sandoval and Ariana stroll up and are put on the spot by James for two invites to TomTom’s grand opening. Tom caves and invites them. James, Ariana, and Sandoval overhear Lala confronting Raquel for calling her volatile. Raquel tries to stick up for herself, but Lala keeps cutting her off to cuss her out at the entrance of SUR, proving Raquel right, she is volatile. Billie struts up and kicks Lala out. James does a good job of standing down.

Vanderpump Rules

Brittany takes Lala to a different room to talk her off the ledge. Lala – the girl who gives BJ’s for PJ’s – says she is above everyone. Brittany refrains from rolling her eyes. Back at their table, Tom tells Ariana how uncool it was for Lala to do that, and points out that James got fired for doing just that, but will Lala? No. Ariana thinks Lala needs to get over herself.

James needs to speak to Lala. The two argue in front of Brittany who sits there quietly. Lala says James is a bad, fucking guy and mocks his little DJ’ing career. Lala tells James to get the fuck away because she is going through more than anyone else, ever. Brittany cannot control her eye-rolling this time and ads a shake of her head.

Vanderpump Rules

Billie walks up and yet again kicks Lala out. Lala tells Billie she is boring to look at. Billie tells Lala the 1995 Grammy’s called at want J. Lo’s dress back. Meanwhile the customers are looking at this fight wondering if their meals will be comp’ed.

Vanderpump Rules

 

It’s the morning of the grand opening of TomTom. The Toms hand over the signed documents to Lisa. They are officially partners and Lisa will now cash their checks! A worried look crosses Schwartz’s face. Lisa’s son Max makes a quick cameo before James strolls in to have a chat with Lisa. She asks about Billie’s brunch and James tells her what went down with Lala. Lisa doesn’t believe Lala “acted” like a bitch on wheels. James tells Lisa he will not come to the opening tonight because it will cause drama. Aww, grab a hankie. James is growing up.

Tune in next week for the grand opening of TomTom and part one of the cast trip to Mexico. Schwartz tells Katie he doesn’t like the sound of her voice. Boom!

 

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