Real Housewives of Orange County Recap!
Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County brought us no closer to understanding why Gina Kirschenheiter is getting a divorce. Even Gina doesn’t fully understand. Kelly Dodd stops by to check on her and gazes at a fuzzed-out photo of Matt and says, “Damn, Kelly, why are you divorcing that?” It’s like asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop: the world may never know. Kelly and Gina hop into the car to go check out the casita Gina will be staying at when it’s Matt’s turn to pretend life is normal be with the kids. The couple still haven’t told their kids the truth.
Tamra stops by Vicki Gunvalson’s house to judge her face lift check on her friend. With her bandage, Vicki looks like she has the mumps, other than that the surgery was a success. Tamra Judge updates Vicki on the Gina/Shannon drama. Although Vicki does think Shannon Beador would benefit from anti-depressants, she doesn’t think Shannon’s mentally unstable. Whether Tamra is a shitty friend, that’s still up for debate.
Back in the car with Kelly and Gina, they talk about how Tamra was ready to cut a bitch the other day over cocktails. Gina was under the impression that Shannon needed to know this kind of backstabbing stuff due to her impending custody trial, but after talking with Kelly, Gina now feels she was manipulated.
Back at Vicki’s house, Tamra says Gina was not coming from a place of “concern.” Tamra explains she shut down all talk of Shannon, but was surprised by Gina’s audacity to then talk about her upcoming birthday party. Didn’t Gina realize she was placed in a Tamra-time-out? Nope! Gina wants all the girls to come as disco balls. Tamra isn’t feeling the sequence and doesn’t want to go.
At the casita, we learn that this will be Gina’s first time to be on her own and today is her anniversary. That double sucks! Gina practices on Kelly what she plans to say to the kids. She says, Mommy and Daddy still love each other, just not as much as they should except when they’re having sex.
Over at Emily Simpson’s house, she is hosting Mary the psychic cup reader. Tamra eats this shit up, though she claims to be a non-believer. And when Gina arrives there is a definite chill in the air from Tamra. Gina and Emily explain to her that somehow everything got twisted with Shannon when they started out trying to help her. Tamra says she’s “extremely” torn.
Kelly can’t make it to the cup reading because she’s attending Jolie’s performance of Oliver! Michael is there, volunteering because he’s a great dad, and still totally has the hots for Kelly. The two get cozy with one another as they proudly watch their daughter/son in the musical.
Let the cup reading begin! Everyone chokes down their Turkish tea and Mary begins reading the residue. She starts with Tamra’s cup. Eddie’s going to get better and he’s not going to die, but they might be separating. Raise your hand if you needed a tea reading to know that.
Onto Emily. She has a nice heart and nice family and will soon receive news via the telephone. Oh boy! Maybe she’s about to save a bunch money on her car insurance! Up next is Gina. Mary asks if she’s single. Gina shrugs. Mary says she will soon be signing a piece of paper. Gina isn’t impressed until Mary asks her whose name begins with SH because this person needs a lot of help – from Gina – and soon. Everybody assumes it’s Shannon, but could be Shane? He, too, needs a lot a help.
Gina is at her casita getting sequenced-out with her friends. She calls her son to congratulate him for getting the game ball and apologizes for leaving early so she could go out and party. Gina gets upset then declares tears are for after 40.
Over at Vicki’s house, her son Michael stops by to tell his mom that he and Brianna have decided she can no longer do anymore cosmetic surgery. Vicki instructs Michael where he can find all of her important documents including the life insurance policy on Donn. Wowza, Donn! Maybe you should start having your brakes checked more often.
Later that night, Vicki is getting ready for her tres abuela pajama party and wants a drink, but Nurse Steve says no. He gives her a Xanax instead which is way better. She informs Steve that Shannon is struggling because she hasn’t pooped yet. There’s more detail, but you’re welcome I didn’t include it.
At the restaurant, Emily and Kelly are already there. The birthday girl arrives and asks where Tamra is. Turns out Tamra “forgot” to call and say she couldn’t make it because she was busy putting wrinkles on her forehead and dressing like an old lady in curlers. Tamra has brought matching boring housecoats for them all – aren’t they lucky.
Gina calls Tamra to see where she is, but Tamra doesn’t answer because she’s busy giving Shannon and enema. Tamra decides she wants one too and pretends like this is her first one ever.
Back at Gina’s party, Emily explains she’s going to throw a femme-fatal party because she’s all about powerful women. Kelly calls Tamra, this time Tamra answers and apologizes for “forgetting” about Gina’s birthday. That happens with age. The young’uns at the restaurant make fun of Vicki, Tamra and Shannon by telling them to have fun playing bridge, drinking martinis and using foot cream. Is it strange I think that actually sounds like fun?
After the phone call, Tamra is ready to stir more shit. She tells Shannon that Emily compared her to her mentally ill mom. Shannon is shocked. How dare she diagnose her? Only Dr. Moon can do that. But then Shannon remembers that Emily once threatened to kill Kelly twice, so who’s the crazy one? Answer: they both are!
Next week on The Real Housewives of Orange County season finale — Emily holds her femme-fatale party! We’ll get to meet her mom and watch Emily shame her in front of the grandkids.