It’s that time of year again — when the cast of 90 Days Fiance: Before the 90 Days rewind their woes on TLC’s post-season Tell All wrap. Host, Shaun Robinson, is ready to drop bombs as the couples take turns dishing relationship updates.
Paul Staehle and Karine Martins
Paul Staehle and Karine Martins are living separate lives, because Paul is working in the U.S., and Karine is still in Brazil. The relationship remains contentious, but Karine’s hair has made it into Paul’s backpack, to join the strands of his beloved mother, Mary. Karine drops a pregnancy bomb, evidently the result of a farewell romp. Mary is less than enthused, but cheers up when Paul demands a DNA test, because there’s evidence that Karine is tramping around on social media. Karine pleads her case, reminding them that her adulterous flirtation is always long distance. Karine weeps over being called a hussy in front of the world, but Paul assures her that he loves her anyway.
Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi
Angela Deem is thrilled to be back in America, even though a drained bank account welcomed her home. Michael Ilesanmi denies taking the cash and Angela confirms the truth, revealing that an ATM glitch was behind the misunderstanding. The couple is still engaged, and Angela confirms that the K1 Visa process is underway. Michael steps in it when TLC replays him referring to Angela as his “elder” — the quip spinning Angela Deem into a senior tantrum. She tosses her engagement ring, storms off set, ranting and raving outside the studio to anyone who will listen. Michael learns the hard way that old and fat aren’t the best adjectives when it comes to winning a gal’s heart. Angela flounces back on set, upset at Michael’s naive blurt and her own gutter mouth. Michael asks for forgiveness, and reminds us that he doesn’t care about Angela’s rough exterior — just her ageless spirit. Angela’s spirit refuses to budge — and Michael is panicked.
Rachel Bear and Jon Walters
Rachel is still whining about the injustice of torn apart lovers, and her testy husband, Jon, soon joins her victim song. They gush their soulmate story before Jon abruptly shifts gears, ranting against men who refuse to karaoke up. Jon defends his sketchy past, but exposed flashes of anger confirm that there’s a hothead beneath that blank gaze. Lucy joins the party, and Jon is thrilled to see the baby behind his beloved umbilical cord nub.
Ricardo “Ricky” Reyes and Ximena Parra
Ricky and Melissa and Ximena’s wonky love triangle is rehashed next, bringing viewers back to the Colombian horror show. Ximena joins the fun, soon revealing that the engagement was called off, due to Ricky being a chronic idiot. We see Ricky discuss the mess with his infinitely more mature daughter, who rightly busts him for fiance hopping. Ricky casually adds that he has reconciled with his wife. Ximena fires back her disgust, and thanks Ricky for doing her a favor by running back to his wife. Ximena has standards — and obviously knows that she deserves better.
Tarik Myers and Hazel Cagalitan
Tarik and Hazel start their segment off with a proverbial bang, revealing that they have officially launched their sex life. They drone on about some sort of pregnancy mixup, where Tarik mistakenly believed that Hazel was terminating his bun in her oven. This couple is an enormous snooze, so brother Dean pops in to liven up the story. It doesn’t work. Hazel admits that she’ll be forced to leave her son behind if she comes to the U.S., but evidently, is willing to choose life in America over her child.
Jesse Meester and Darcey Silva
The couple we’ve all been waiting for is left for last, as Darcey and an orange hued Jesse take center stage. Their messy romance is rewound, and Darcey announces that she’s strong and free at last. Jesse delivers his best intellectual analysis, while shading his ex for luring him with vintage photos. Jesse ticks off Darcey’s drunken offenses, and Darcey explains that a casual catfight was to blame for her undercover arrest. They argue over who clocked whom in Connecticut, and Shaun points out that true venom lies beneath their dark chemistry. Darcey spits out that she believes Jesse’s one true love is American success. Her daughters react to the split, and are happy that the Dutch dud is gone. Darcey shares that she’s already roped another foreigner, but Jesse has been sufficiently scared off the dating scene.
The misfit cast closes the episode by gathering as a group, where they all swap advice quips about the cringeworthy love affairs. Jesse and Darcey reluctantly share a stiff hug, and Angela almost takes Rachel out, in a bonus fit of hillbilly rage.
A new cycle of 90 Days Fiance: Before the 90 Days launches next week, on TLC.