Real Housewives of Orange County Recap!
We return to The Real Housewives of Orange County exactly where we left off — at Eddie Judge’s party with drunk Kelly Dodd calling Shane Simpson “a little bitch.”
Emily Simpson is ready to rip Kelly’s extensions from her scalp — and part of me wants to see it — but the funny thing is, Tamra Judge missed the entire fight. When Emily storms past her, Tamra has no clue because she was upstairs showing off her new bedroom furniture. Kelly is shocked that Emily’s the dude in her marriage and Shane is the bitch. Both she and Michael Dodd traded off on those roles.
Shane strolls into the living room and tells Emily, Tamra and Vicki Gunvalson he doesn’t care what Kelly thinks, so neither should they. Shane is surprised that Emily is more upset about what some drunk thinks than what he thinks. Emily asks Shane what he’d do if some guy spoke to her that way. Shane says he’d walk Emily away from the situation. Emily is not impressed. Maybe Kelly was right.
Back outside, Gina Kirschenheiter tells Kelly how disturbing that whole scene was. Kelly spins it and says that Emily threatened to “kill her” and that she has no class, so therefore it wasn’t her fault. Kelly says she wished she would have called Shane a pussy. Now that’s class!
Meanwhile, Steve tells Vicki and Emily the whole thing started because Kelly’s pissed off that he’s friends with her ex because Michael’s a great guy whom everyone supposedly wants to date. Vicki hugs Emily and tells her to run for her life protect her marriage.
Vicki isn’t out the door yet and Kelly tells Shannon and Tamra that according to her friend who used to date Steve, he is only using Vicki for her money. Kelly raises her right hand and swears to God it’s true. Tamra gasps because she wants it to be true, though Shannon seems to be pondering the idea more carefully. Then Kelly says a bunch of unfitting clichés and bounces.
The following morning, Vicki stops by Tamra’s house to defend what the hell went down last night. She explains that Kelly still has a corncob up her butt over the fact that she and Steve set Michael up on a date. Vicki reads the quote to Page 6 given by Steve (wtf?) which wasn’t rude, just matter of fact.
Emily also drops by Tamra’s place, and says Shane is also over it, which is weird. Why couldn’t Shane get over Gina being a silly drunk, if he can get over Kelly being a mean drunk? Emily says Kelly will never own up to anything, so why try. Tamra explains that if you sit Kelly down and talk to her like a five year-old, she will admit to being an asshole. Vicki thinks Kelly wants to destroy her relationship because she’s jealous and alone. Always the shit-stirrer, Tamra tells Vicki the rumor from Kelly about Steve only dating her for her money. Emily says if Vicki wants to be with someone who’s broke, that’s her call. Vicki says she doesn’t even have that much money, not compared to the housewives on RHOBH.
Next it’s good news/bad news with Shannon Beador. The good news is she’s going on her first date in 17 years. The bad news is it’s with a guy who has lots of cats. Shannon calls Kelly on the way and tells her she’s wearing her FMP’s which A) looks ridiculous because she’s limping and B) no cat-guy ever in the history of first dates was worth FMP’s. His name is Tom, he’s cute, and things get off to a great starts over their love of Tito’s vodka. Unfortunately it takes a nose dive from there. Tom confesses he was married for 30 years and spent the entire first year after the divorce sobbing in his room. And from his watery eyes I’m guessing that was just last week. The date ends and Tom helps Shannon limp back to her car. These two are in the friend-zone.
Next, Gina stops by Emily’s office for some pseudo-advice. Emily says she and Matt have been fighting over stupid stuff and have had to face the fact, three kids later, they aren’t supposed to be together. Gina says she doesn’t want to wait and wind up like Shannon. Oh, snap! Emily tells Gina she needs to do what’s best for her family.
It’s birthday time…again! Steve surprises Vicki with a lunch at a Mexican restaurant without the housewives. He’s a keeper! Vicki’s son, his girlfriend, and Steve’s entire family are there, plus brother Billy carrying shots of Petron and wearing a sombrero. Vicki says it’s her best birthday ever, if only Steve would propose, because that would make it even better. Steve says Vicki would never date a man for his money, like some other people they know whose name begins with Kelly.
The following week, Shannon and Vicki visit Dr. Moon. Both ladies have sprained their ankles and now three castmates need scooters. Dr. Moon locates Shannon’s pain from her ankle in her hand and makes her hand hurt worse than her ankle pain. Genius. Vicki is told she has anger in her liver and admits her painful liver is because of Brooks.
Over at Gina’s house, she calls her mom to tell her things aren’t working out with her happily ever-after. She says there’s a disconnect between she and Matt on account of he lives in LA and she and the kids live in the OC. Gina cries as she tells her mom she’s divorcing and asks if “Daddy’s going to be upset.” Her mom tells Gina that Daddy just wants what’s best for everyone.
It’s time for the Emily and Kelly showdown. Spoiler alert: it’s a total let down. Emily calmly states they both said things that were out of line. Kelly says, Umm, no. Shane was butting in. Kelly explains the final straw was when Shane said she was drunk – because she was drunk – and Kelly saw red – because everyone was wearing red. They agree to move on because it’s not about the men.
Later that week, Tamra, Emily, Gina and Shannon meet for dinner. Shannon tells the girls about the one-and-done date. It’s now Gina’s turn for grownup talk but she can’t quite master it and acts like a teenager who can’t stop touching her hair. Tamra tells Gina to spit it out. Gina announces her divorce with a smile.
Tamra tells Gina that Matt needs to move back to the OC because the two of them can’t divorce over a job. Something tells me it’s not over a job. Gina says they got married too you and are no longer in love. Tamra says that’s how she knew she wanted a divorce from Simon, she didn’t want him touching her. Gina says she’s still attracted to her husband and they will be BFF’s 4 eva! The ladies tell Gina they will help her through the denial be there for her.
The conversation switches to Vicki. Tamra tells everyone that Vicki doesn’t really love Steve because she also wanted to be set up by the matchmaker. The conversation switches again to Emily and Kelly’s fight. Shannon explains that Kelly tends to go for the jugular so she had been coaching her that night on how to talk with Steve like a nice person. Shannon is genuinely proud of herself, but Gina calls Shannon out for encouraging Kelly. Tamra and Shannon do not like that Gina has her own opinions because she needs to only have their opinions.
Next time on Real Housewives of Orange County — Gina Kirschenheiter reveals that she doesn’t believe in God and jaws drop, causing wrinkles.