Welcome to The Real Housewives of New York Reunion showdown part one. All the RHONY Reunion dresses have a sparkly sophistication, but Sonja’s short dress can be yours for $149. Obviously Luann is missing, but don’t worry, Andy and the ladies will be stabbing her in the back sending her their best.
We begin with a quick run through of the ladies. Bethenny and her daughter are loving their new massive, apartment. Ramona is a lonely empty-nester. Carole and Adam are “just friends.” Tinsley’s new do didn’t make her older or fatter. Dorinda has hired a trainer and works out four days a week. And Sonja is still a vegetarian/pescatarian, depending on if she eats oysters.
Flashbacks are shown of the season’s seriously tacky fashion choices, and there were a lot, so grab your popcorn. Afterwards, they discuss Luann’s black-face and fro at the Halloween party and how she’s tone deaf to stereotypes. Andy asks about Carole’s interesting fashion choices and she says she puts her own outfits together, like we didn’t already know that. Carole could not confirm if Beyoncé actually wore that hideous black dress she took to Colombia. I’m thinking no.
Next are flashbacks of Bethenny and her ability to support her causes, not so much the other women’s. But first Andy wants to talk about Jill Zarin. Bethenny gives a long story about leaving Aspen and going to Bobby’s funeral, and how she and Jill’s friendship status is currently: texting. Ramona announces she has a problem with Bethenny filming at the funeral. Finds it rude. Andy informs her that Jill invited Bravo. Bethenny’s expression is one of pure smugness.
But it ain’t over. Ramona calls Bethenny “opportunistic” for reuniting on camera. Finds it tacky. Bethenny says Jill is happy, even though they haven’t spoken verbally. I guess Jill sends happy emoji’s? Dorinda suggests Bethenny and Jill don’t do lunch because there are no any cameras. Ouch. Andy tells the ladies that Jill texted to say she’s dating a guy who used to date Ramona. This is not a good sign.
Bethenny talks about helping hurricane and earthquake victims. It’s a calling. She thanks the ladies for their donations, even though they hate her, because it’s all about her. This starts an argument. It ends with Ramona telling Bethenny how negative she is to all of them. But then flashbacks are shown of Ramona being a mean girl. Swerve!
Andy is slowly losing control. He tells the arguing ladies it’s time to move on to nutcracker-gate. Dorinda says she wasn’t directly or indirectly appreciated enough by Bethenny for the giant nutcracker that her assistant friend found. The others say they didn’t understand why Bethenny freaked out about a giant nutcracker for 20 minutes. They argue some more. Andy curses and tells the ladies to STFU, so he can hear Bethenny’s excuse for not groveling to Dorinda. Bethenny says she sent a thank-you video with her daughter to her, but it was off camera.
Moving on, let’s talk about why Bethenny is so condescending about Ramona’s skincare line, given how much product time is shown for Skinnygirl. Bethenny’s response is that every year it’s something different for Ramona. Wine, jewelry, hair-extensions, a restaurant, but nothing sticks. Currently the skincare line doesn’t exist.
Then Bethenny tells Ramona she criticizes Sonja too much for her fake businesses, and everyone jumps Bethenny’s shit for this comment. She’s the one who criticized Sonja for her fake businesses. Everyone starts yelling again and Ramona calls Bethenny a bitch. Ramona’s parting shot to Bethenny is about her fake tits. WTF? Did Ramona forget about her fake tits? Ramona explains she got her fake tits at 55, and Bethenny got hers at 35, so…I’m not sure where Ramona is going with this.
Andy asks about the phone call Ramona made on the Manhattan streets, calling Bethenny and yelling at her. What’s up with that? Bethenny explains that Ramona was happy that her and Carole’s friendship was crumbling. Ramona tells Bethenny she doesn’t see things as they really are. As for dismissing Ramona at Luann’s cabaret, Bethenny says she didn’t want any negativity. Carole asks why Bethenny couldn’t just congratulate Ramona. Bethenny tells Carole she’ll call her if she needs her opinion. Here’s the thing, Bethenny needs to feel needed. Once you are no longer dependent in some way, the friendship is doomed.
Finally we are done with Bethenny and onto Dorinda. Yay! Flashbacks are shown of her ups and downs. Jovani! Andy asks Bethenny if she thinks Dorinda is a drunk or just has a drinking problem. What Andy is saying is the girl drinks too much. Bethenny ponders, what is a drunk? Give me a break. The know-it-all doesn’t know? Fine. The Wiki definition of a drunk is: someone who is affected by alcohol to the extent of losing control of one’s faculties or behavior. Holy crap! That’s all of them. Bethenny says she’s not qualified to give that diagnosis, she’s just calling attention to Dorinda’s excessive drinking in a “constructive” way. Humiliation. How very “constructive” of her. Bethenny accuses Carole of calling her a narcissist. And, I’m like, who cares.
Andy does! He isn’t ready to let the drinking conversation come to an end. Andy explains that sometimes Dorinda’s funny and other times she’s kind of pathetic. His question is, does Dorinda agree that she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol? Dorinda agrees. She was depressed last fall, but she’s all better now. Bethenny says Dorinda was drinking the other morning. Oopsie. Dorinda denies this, of course, but the others are nodding their heads. Andy asks Dorinda one last time if she has a problem with alcohol. Tune in next week for Dorinda’s denial.
Part two of the RHONY Reunion moves the heat onto Luann in absentia. Plus, Carole yells at Andy and Andy is like, Bitch please. Maybe that’s why Carole “quit.”