Welcome back to the RHOC. Tonight’s show is lots of fun, especially if you hit the mute button whenever Shannon starts screeching. Tamra, Shannon and Vicki go mucho loco in Puerto Vallarta, but first we return to the fight between Vicki and Kelly over Michael dating one of Vicki’s friends. Kelly is crying, for real, and kicks Vicki out of her house because she doesn’t roll with girls like her.
Vicki hops in her car and calls Michael to inform him that his soon-to-be ex is losing it. A flash back is shown from last week of Kelly actually saying she wished Michael would get a girlfriend. Guess what Kelly, your wish has come true! Meanwhile, Kelly calls Tamra and tells her she wants to smack the hell out of Vicki. Tamra tells Kelly that she should have — because she was wronged by Vicki — and there will be no easy way out of this for Vicki.
Tamra and Vicki are on their way to Puerto Vallarta to meet up with Shannon. In the limo ride to the airport, Tamra tells Vicki about the call from Kelly. Tamra explains the root of the problem is Vicki going on double-dates with Michael and not telling Kelly. Vicki says she’s done nothing wrong and wants to be Switzerland. Tamra tells Vicki her loyalty should be with Kelly. The ladies decide not to talk about it anymore because it’s a downer.
We visit Kelly’s place again, she and Jolie are packing for their Aspen ski trip, and getting their hair styled. Kelly plays a recorded message for Jolie to hear. It’s from Vicki about Michael dating her friend. Okay, look, we can all agree that Jolie is hands-down the smartest person on the show, but Kelly shouldn’t burden her daughter with adult drama. But Jolie gives sage advice. She tells her mom that real friends don’t act this way, and God would want her to forgive Vicki, and not to be fake. That’s a tall order for Kelly. And, is it me, or is Kelly’s hair-stylist judging her?
The two RHOC newbies, Gina and Emily, are working out with Stroller Strides in the park. The weather is perfect, but Emily’s kids won’t let her workout. Gina shares that her husband is a hands-on weekend dad, but during the week she’s a single mom. Emily and Gina get along well and I see these two uniting forces.
In Mexico, Shannon is at the airport, sending her kids home, waiting for Tamra and Vicki’s arrival with Tequila shots and sombreros. She’s waiting and waiting and finally Tamra and Vicki arrive. They take the Tequila shots in front of gawking strangers, break glass and fall to the ground. Typical classy behavior you can expect from the RHOC. Not to worry, there’s plenty more where that came from.
It’s a rough start to Aspen. Kelly only likes it when her daughter Jolie agrees with her. Kelly threatens boarding school.
Vicki, Shannon and Tamra arrive at the hotel. They are taken to their ocean front suite and the view is insane. More Tequila! The ladies go to Andele’s to get their drink on. A waitress cups their boobs after pouring shots down their throat. Can I get a woo-hoo! Tamra and Shannon jump on the bar and dance, but Vicki won’t join in the fun because she promised Steve she’d be a bummer. Tamra flashes her boobs for all to see for the first of three times tonight.
The ladies go upstairs to calm down. Tamra tries to pull out Shannon’s boobs, but she has too many bras on. Tamra screeches, “How do you expect to get laid!” Shannon doesn’t want to get laid. She’ perfectly happy letting Tamra straddle her as she stews in the bitterness of David. Tamra flashes her boobs for the second time. What’s the deal? Are they new…again? Tamra tells Shannon she can learn how to bounce back from her divorce from her. A cautionary tale, no doubt.
Here’s the thing, too much Tequila brings the tears. Shannon starts crying while Tamra and Vicki promise to help her through this process. Tamra slurs on and on about she how she loves Eddie and would die without him. Then for some drunken reason, Tamra brings up Brooks and how much Vicki loved him like soooo much. I’m surprised no one throws up. Tamra and Shannon worry that Vicki is moving too fast with Steve.
The Three Stooges Amigos arrive in their hotel room at 2:20 a.m., Shannon is screaming and hugging on Vicki while Tamra and her buoys are in the hot tub. She is officially naked wasted. Tamra tells Shannon to get in the hot tub, but she won’t because she’s the “fat lady.” Tamra gets out of the hot tub, gives us boob shot number tres, and busts her ass on the tile floor.
Vicki and Shannon help her up, but their screeching cackles will wake the dead. OMG stop. Shannon gets into the hot tub wearing several pairs of Spanks, but thanks to liquid courage, strips down to her bra and panties. Vicky refuses to get in and that’s when things go sideways. Tamra stands up, presses her naked body against the window to taunt Vicki, and then jumps back into the hot tub, breaking her foot. It’s all fun and games until the drunk gets hurt. No worries, another Tequila shot will dull the pain.
The following morning, hung over and hurting, Tamra gripes to Vicki and Shannon that she had to take a cab all by herself at four in the morning to the hospital 30 minutes away because they passed out. The ladies don’t remember much, but they are able to recall taking 15 different shots each of Tequila, give or take. The plan today is to go to the beach and chill. And probably have some hair of the perro.
In the OC, Gina is trying to get her kids ready for the day. It’s not going well.
Back in Puerto Vallarta, the trio wheel Tamra most of the way to the beach, but then half carry / half drag her to the lounge chairs while onlookers point and laugh. Tamra calls Eddie to tell him she broke her foot while drinking. Oh, no! Who’s going to teach at Cut now? Hope they can still afford that new house.
Kelly’s name comes up and Vicki explains how she innocently set up Michael because he was lonely and Kelly has moved on. Vicki says it’s all about Kelly all the time. Shannon explains how much it hurts to know your partner has moved on. She tells Vicki that Kelly has a right to be upset. Just like Shannon does. Forever and ever. Vicki says she will apologize to Kelly, but wants to move on. Good luck with that one.
So what’s up for tonight? More Tequila! Not for Tamra, though. She’s sleeping at the dinner table because of her pain meds. Shannon shares the last Tequila tasting in Mexico they went to, David was cheating on her. Shannon begins to yell and cry and definitely needs to return to vodka. She can’t believe David has moved on so quickly. Vicki shares Shannon’s pain. They profess their love and seal it with a three-second kiss. Vicki tries to wipe it off, but Shannon won’t stop hanging on her.
Next week on the RHOC, Kelly and Vicki’s friendship further implodes.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.