The Real Housewives of New York City starts with Bethenny in mid-meltdown, cracking up over her high drama life. Bethenny weeps over her anxiety soaked existence, but Dorinda reminds us that no one really cares, because you gotta dish out compassion to get it. Dorinda coaxes Bethenny off the ledge, while the other ladies analyze the latest breakdown.
Carole pegs it as a control grab, but as Sonja astutely points out — what else is new? Bethenny just needs a hug — and Sonja is proud to be this season’s ride-or-die supporter. The ladies gather in a local boutique, where Sonja rats out the others to Dorinda, for shading the cast mental patient. Dorinda resists the gossip sesh, but Sonja’s hardcore loyalty irks her.
The ladies check out the merchandise, and while Carole gravitates to the ugliest pieces in the shop, Bethenny cheers up, spending away her blues. Carole, after eyeing a tempting bullfighter bikini, corners Dorinda to complain about Bethenny’s crackup. Carole is stirring it up every chance she gets, and has determined that Bethenny’s rollercoaster emotions are cramping her controversial style.
Bethenny senses the bad vibes, and Sonja happily confirms it, tattling like a B-I pet, relaying every syllable of the cast chatter. Bethenny denies being a “taker,” and proves it by reeling off the trips that she has “taken” Carole on. Bethenny is upset, and threatens to take her own generous ass back to NYC.
The ladies sit down to lunch, and Bethenny, Sonja and Luann finally catch up. Bethenny phones Dennis to babble like a desperate prisoner, and because he advises her to come home, she decides to stay. The group vibe is awkward, so Carole decides to make an early escape. Carole, Tinsley and Dorinda leave, and Bethenny is relieved to be with the retro, low maintenance cast — a nod to the good ol’ pre glam-squad days.
The RHONY ladies later reunites at the house, where Tinsley is busy phone-prattling with her sister, about her boring beauty advantage. Meanwhile, Sonja humps Bethenny’s shopping haul to lighten her temporary bestie’s mood.
Carole later joins Sonja in her bedroom, armed with an obvious agenda. After debating Sonja’s camel toe, Carole bribes her with cheap earrings, to score analysis from one of the few women who can stand Bethenny’s presence. Sonja has her number, but does her best to offer lackey insight into Bethenny’s issues with the gal she replaced. Carole argues instead of listening, insisting that she’s indeed empathetic, just sick to death of the Bethenny show. Sonja speaks truth when she declares that they all have learned that Bethenny is the absolute worst — including Carole. Carole calls the covert mission a bust, but believes that her investigative assignment is now satisfied.
The ladies gather for dinner, Carole making her entrance wearing an indescribable lace number, complete with shuttlecock themed jewelry. Sonja reports Carole’s bauble bribe to the boss, and relays their entire conversation. Luann is having fun staying sober, but Dorinda is already plastered. Carole is soon irritated by nothing, so she leaves the table to smoke a cig with Dorinda. While Carole and Dorinda debrief the latest, Bethenny announces that her wall has been re-erected. Carole declares that Bethenny’s wonky energy is toxic, and pretty darned annoying.
Carole finally confronts Bethenny about her chronic moodiness, and Bethenny decides that their friendship has broken down, kinda like Carole’s fashion sense. Carole votes no on Bethenny’s analysis, and pleads her own version of the truth. Bethenny votes no on Carole’s no and is soon irritated that the other women can’t fake ignoring their rinse and repeat argument.
Luann pokes at Dorinda’s boozing, and it becomes clear that Dorinda has officially entered her belligerence bubble. Dorinda fires back, and goes directly for Luann’s rehabbed jugular. The camera pulls back to reveal the double disputes, while Dorinda continues to shoot verbal daggers at Luann. Dorinda inadvertently breaks a glass — delivering a hazy Rinna rerun.
Meanwhile, Carole and Bethenny continue to debate relationship pollution and friendship erosion. Bethenny is disappointed by Carole’s insensitive attitude, but Carole is so insensitive, she didn’t notice. Luann disappears, but Dorinda’s smashed spittle continues to fly. Bethenny and Carole deduce that they actually dislike each other, but Carole denies intentionally hurting her friend. It’s decided that Carole’s cool factor is intense, and Bethenny just can’t keep up with her hipness. Bethenny promises that she actually loves Carole, despite her urge to swat at her earrings.
Dorinda stumbles away, and Luann reappears, repeating all of Dorinda’s slurred insults. Luann is crushed, and Sonja doesn’t get it, because even criminals have one solid gal pal. Ramona comforts Luann, but becomes so disgusted by the display, that she walks away. At the other end of the table, Bethenny cranks up the volume to sell her side of the story, before Dorinda goes thug, nastily swiping at Ramona. Bethenny is heartbroken at the realization that the friendship is on life support, but Carole doesn’t care, because she believes that Bethenny is a sneaky gas-lighter. The group finally breaks, and heads home. Tinsley cosigns Dorinda’s position, while the cast lush mutters away the miles. Dorinda comments that Luann won’t stay sober — a jab likely destined for a reunion rewind. Carole and Ramona agree that drama tends to smother Bethenny’s relationships.
Bethenny connects with Luann back at the house, and Luann fills her in on Dorinda’s attack. Bethenny wants to encourage her, so she spills the story of Dorinda making a tanked twat of herself in front of her Puerto Rico team. Bethenny explains what went down with Carole, and tries to comfort Luann, in a surprisingly genuine exchange. They agree that Dorinda is a raging drunk, intent on hiding her problem. Luann humbly admits to seeing Dorinda’s nasty side, in herself.
Carole sits down with Dorinda, who’s still drinking, but beginning to slop her way through a combo plate of weak remorse and strong denial. Carole tries to decipher her babble, while ignoring her lipstick smeared face. Bethenny joins in, and tries to drag Dorinda into a cleaned up awareness. The entire spectacle is cringeworthy and sad.
A harrowing boat trip crashes the drama party next week on RHONY — so don’t miss it!