Welcome back to the Mayflower Inn & Spa with #RHONY. We join some of the ladies for morning yoga. Deep breath in, massive breath out. Luann is trying to remain Zen after rehab, but it ain’t easy with these ladies. Dorinda, Tinsley and Carole aren’t interested in yoga so they go to the lounge to wait for the others. Bethenny offers her publicist to Luann to sort out the recent PR generated by Ramona’s picture of the ladies on social media.
With a quiet moment to themselves, Dorinda asks Bethenny if everything is okay between them. Bethenny says she doesn’t feel safe around Dorinda. Sigh. Haven’t we moved past this? Bethenny says there’s an energy going on with her – which is super arrogant and it mostly has to do with Carole, not Dorinda – yet it’s effecting everything Bethenny does. Nothing is resolved.
Carole and Tinsley are getting full body massages, but Tinsley isn’t feeling the relaxation, and as a consequence, neither is Carole. Cut to Luann who is fully emerged in relaxation. She tells her facialist the reason her skin looks so good is because she’s been sober for four whole weeks. Sonja and Ramona are getting couple’s massages, discussing how they will still be the life of the party at the assisted living center happy-hours.
Walking the grounds, Tinsley and Carole are freaked out by “The Shining” maze. It’s more of a meditation spot and the hedges are only waist high, yet they get lost. Tinsley tells Carole that Adam has been talking to Scott. Carole says she’s super busy pretending she’s super busy and doesn’t have time to talk to Adam. Tinsley shares with Carole how she tried on wedding dresses with her mom just for fun. In her testimonial, Carole’s hair is chopped off and I can’t decide if I like it.
Luann and Bethenny meet by the pool to discuss their sobriety. Bethenny notices it’s the first time the girls have gone on a trip and not gotten trashed. Luann says she’s not nervous about returning to polite society because she’s got a plan. She opens up how Tom hurt her feelings for having a NYE party on the very same boat they celebrated their wedding engagement. Kudos to Luann for getting in touch with her emotions for the first time. But Lu doesn’t like how Ramona tried to get an invite to Tom’s party. Kudos to Tom for turning Ramona down. Bethenny lets it slip that Ramona has been meeting Tom for drinks at the Regency. Luann says Ramona is not the “brightest tool in the shed.” How true. It also means Luann’s not the sharpest color in the rainbow.
It’s dinner time and Bethenny bolts to the other end of the table in order to avoid sitting by Carole. After riveting conversation about the ladies’ Lincoln’s and Bush’s, the food is served. Yummy! Bethenny asks Tinsley if she’s getting engaged because she heard the wedding dress boutique felt sorry for her. Tinsley shakes it off as nothing more than a typical mother/daughter day in the Big Apple. Some of the other ladies say it’s superstitious and they wouldn’t do it unless they’re actually engaged. Bethenny says it’s weird, kind of like trying out coffins. No it’s not. It’s silly, but it’s in line with Tinsley’s typical cray-cray. Bethenny apologizes, really, really loud.
Then Dorinda yells that Sonja should never wear the Morgan family crest. Sonja stands up and shouts, “Oh my God! I can’t believe you’re going there! Are you kidding me?!” Dorinda screams back at Sonja. Luann confirms what we already suspected, women in jail are better behaved than these two.
So Dorinda leaves the room, then turns around and returns as a totally different Dorinda ready to apologize to Sonja. She starts spewing the sugar, telling Sonja how proud she is about her progress and how she’s doing such a good job staying in the present. Bethenny is outraged that Dorinda would act like Sonja’s therapist. That’s her job. Bethenny suggests that Dorinda pet Sonja like a dog. I feel sorry for the other guests.
But the #RHONY fighting is only getting started, my friends. Next, Luann jumps all over Ramona for posting the picture from last night’s dinner. Ramona explains she didn’t get the freaking memo that stipulated: don’t post pictures. And she didn’t get the memo not to call Tom and ask to go to his NYE party. And she didn’t get the memo not to meet Tom at the Regency for drinks. Bethenny has to explain to Ramona in slow and simple terms what she did was wrong, and by George (Dick and Harry), she finally gets it. Ramona holds back tears because they aren’t coming she finally understands her actions brought Luann pain.
Here’s what Ramona really thinks. Since she can’t kill Tom, she might as well join him for drinks. Luann announces she can no longer be around Ramona because she’s the devil. As Lu makes her grand exit, Ramona is perplexed again. If she can’t talk to any man who dated Luann, then she won’t be able to talk to any men in New York City. Ouch. Maybe Luann needs to have some (alcoholic free) drinks with Mario.
Back at the cottage, Ramona and leg-splitting Sonja are having an orgasm over the desserts. Carole goes to check on Luann in her room. Carole suggests a friendship break from Ramona, just like the one she’s having with Bethenny. Carole tells Luann this time next year she’ll be grateful for this experience. Probably not, Carole, but it’s a nice thing to say since typically you aren’t nice to Luann.
The following morning, Luann goes to Bethenny and Sonja’s room to discuss the stupid family crest fight. Bethenny does an impression of Dorinda. Cut to Dorinda discussing with Carole how Luann didn’t defend her during #shoegate. Carole recommends that Dorinda drop this because it’s stupid.
Tinsley and Ramona discuss last night’s dinner and Ramona says she is a complete mess work-in-progress and will take the bullet for this because Luann is nervous about her upcoming court date.
It’s time to go back to NYC and I’m sure the Mayflower staff is incredibly relieved/excited/exhausted. Dorinda encourages Ramona to give a simple apology to Luann, more than a text, but definitely not one of her long excuses. Luann is not exactly receptive to anything from Ramona right now and Dorinda explains that after Luann’s court date on Thursday she’ll be drinking again more receptive.
Tune into the #RHONY next week as Sonja bares all for Luann’s burlesque show, and coming this season, the ladies travel to Columbia and have a near-death experience on a yacht. Will this prompt the women to finally get along? (Probably not.)
#RHONY airs Wednesday nights, at 9:00 p.m. ET, on Bravo.