Southern Charm opens with road trip excitement in the air, the crew prepping to travel to Hilton Head Island for a filmed getaway. Naomie and Wilson discuss Naomie’s pissed-off existence, deciding that she’s having crazy bitch remorse, and should clear the air with Craig. The pair agrees that she shouldn’t poop up the party with her ongoing blind rage.
We hear, via a phone call between Chelsea and Kathryn, that Kathryn’s beloved grandmother has passed away. Kathryn shares a few memories, and is sad, but will hopefully cheer up on the Hilton Head trip. We jump over to Thomas and Ashley, who are chatting about her makeover wardrobe. Ashley raises her eyebrow at Thomas’ time out with the guys, and Thomas notes that his girlfriend is rather overbearing about their time apart. The couple stops at Gwynn’s to get one of her new dresses altered, and Ashley grabs the chance to drop some lead weight hints about her wish for an engagement ring. Thomas asks Madison about Kathryn’s budding retail career, and hears the news of Granny’s demise. Ashley shoots a mean glare, when Thomas declares that he needs to extend a sympathy call.
Naomie calls Craig to set up the remorse peace talks, and Craig agrees, but makes Sean promise to rescue him if things get ugly. Cam offers a beached whale pregnancy update next—reiterating the status of her stubbornly clenched cervix, while taking swan dives into buckets of junk food. Shep checks in, interrupting his friend’s gestational groans, informing her that he’s rammed his drunk beak into a glass door. On the bright side, Shep celebrated the face mash by boinking a fresh strumpet. Cam throws in a request for one last prayer for her ornery uterus and anxious vag, before heading back to the fridge.
We check in with Austen, who is busily doing the usual — nothing. Victoria phones in and reminds him to lay their rebound romance on the line with Chelsea, during the trip. Naomie arrives at Craig’s on crutches — bearing cat — aka Colonel Gizmo. Naomie wants to make peace, hoping to avoid turning the cast trip into a battleground. We hear that Naomie took a tumble off a skateboard, while Craig and Gizmo bask in their reunion. Craig congratulates her on her commitment to not being a raving 24/7 shrew. Gizmo weighs in, hissing a cosign, clearly jazzed to be back with the eccentric gardener, and away from the resting bitch face.
The cast is busily packing for the trip, and Ashley drops a shocker when she cops an abruptly entitled attitude about being invited to Saint’s birthday. Thomas disagrees, but diplomatically keeps his mouth shut. Ashley delivers a rather bizarre warning in Kathryn’s direction, a bluntly delivered note of foreshadowing. The breakup girls are driving to Hilton Head together, shooting the breeze about baby Saint turning two. Meanwhile, Thomas and Ashley continue to debate the birthday diss, but Thomas wants to keep the peace and the vibe stable, for the kiddos. The guys are on their way in another car, Naomie still reporting on Craig’s location. Ashley continues talks about her desperation for a proposal, a birthday invite, or maybe a deluxe combo plate. They arrive on Hilton Head Island, Shep and Chelsea’s old stomping grounds. The house is lovely, and the girls tour the place and choose their rooms. Ashley spins over what to wear horseback riding, as the men make their entrance. Thomas takes Kathryn on a tour of his room, as the cast swaps injury stories. The gals gather in a gaggle, while Ashley continues to loudly vent about her wardrobe quandary.
The crew hits the great outdoors, the men set to play golf and the ladies excited to ride horses. Chelsea shows off a camera, gifted by Austen —bought with the cash he saved by dodging dinner checks. Craig and Naomie snipe over a set of homeless contacts, backsliding into old times. The guys begin their game, as the ladies saddle up for a ride on the beach. It looks dreamy, but the gals are annoyed that Ashley’s inexperience holds the herd back. Thomas overshares about the financial challenge of keeping Ashley happy — and Craig starts humming gold-digger, under his breath.
The group gathers for dinner, and it becomes increasingly clear that Ashley is the odd gal out. Chelsea shoots a verbal dart at Austen, demanding to know if he’s ricocheted back to Victoria yet. Ashley asks Chelsea about the status of her pee-wee invite, then demands to know if she’s made it on the coveted guest list.
Kathryn, speaking through an indignant cringe and stifling a triple snap, warns her to back off. The other girls co-sign, but Ashley keeps the nervy comments rolling until Bravo cuts the juicy footage.
Next week, the vacation drama continues, and Austen’s boingy love life is intensely analyzed.