Pack your bags! We’re going to the Berserkshires with The Real Housewives of New York City. Typically things don’t go very well at Dorinda’s country estate home — so fingers crossed that doesn’t change! The Christmas decorations are over the top and her home looks like a Macy’s flagship store. Ramona and Carole arrive a day early to get the party started.
Over at Sonja’s house, her gossipy facialist Satoko stops by to berate Sonja for giving away not only her dog Rouge, but Kitty as well because she’s too busy to care for them. Sonja still has her daughter’s dog…for now. Next, Sonja and Satoko discuss their strategy for sleeping with two different men, here’s the deal, it’s okay if there’s a 24 hour gap time and you douche in between. Eww.
Back in the Berkshires, Carole, Dorinda and Ramona go out to dinner. The other ladies will arrive the following afternoon. Carole asks if they think something’s going on with Bethenny, because being the ace reporter she is, it took her this long to deduce she’s being iced out. Dorinda says if there’s smoke there’s fire and the fire is Adam wouldn’t go to Houston to help with the flood. Carole disagrees with this theory because she is in denial hasn’t heard about it from Bethenny. Ramona and Dorinda explain now that Carole is speaking her mind, this doesn’t work for Bethenny.
The following afternoon the other ladies trickle in. Bethenny is the first to arrive, but Ramona is snubbing her and playing with the snow globes instead. When Carole drops in to say hello, it’s like nothing’s wrong between these two. Bethenny is wearing a sweater that says: Chilling with my Snowmies. Everyone gets it, but Ramona, and the joke goes on too long.
Luann, Sonja, and Tinsley arrive ready to party. Dorinda announces there will be rules of engagement this year. Rule number one: housekeeper works for her, not them (Ramona). Rule number two: do not touch other people’s stuff (Sonja). Rule number three, do not pretend you are a rock star (Ramona). Luann nearly breaks rule number three, five minutes later for assaulting a swordfish with holiday décor.
It’s time for the murder mystery dinner! The ladies have done a pretty good job of dressing the part of the 1920 hooker woman of the era. The games begin and Sonja is having fun flirting with the young male actors. Bethenny is having fun ignoring them. Dorinda’s character is fighting for prohibition – with a glass of champagne in her hand. Carole is playing a smoker who’s running for Congress. And Ramona, whoever she’s playing, is already stirring the pot. The women are all trying for a sexy vibe, except for Sonja, who’s playing the part of an accountant, which makes her the sexiest because she’s not trying so hard. Luann strolls in speaking lazy French. “Bon jour, zee wine needs to be in zee glass.”
Suddenly the assistant Aiden collapses on the floor and dies. Oh no! Bethenny’s worried he was poisoned by the fritters because she’s shoved half a dozen down her throat. The ladies leave the dead body behind in the den and move into the dining room. No one wants to call the police, especially Tinsley. It took a lot to get her record expunged, she’s not going through that again. Luann says, “Zee Tequila is no good, it makes me fall into zee bushes.”
When the drinks are served, Mr. Feathersby, the rich owner of the manor, drinks his red wine and dies. Crap! Another one bites the dust. Turns out, the butler is really a copper, ready to help solve the mystery. Sonja is bored now that the two cute guys are dead. Instead of making people guess who’s the murderer, Dorinda announces she’s the murderer. Who would have thunk she’d be the winner at her own party? The gift to the winner is a bottle of Dom Perignon. Probably from their own wine cellar.
While dinner is being served, Ramona takes a drunken stroll down memory lane about going to that woman’s house in the Berkshires who didn’t have air-conditioning. That woman was Heather. When Ramona suggests her mind is going, Bethenny pounces on the fact that Ramona told Carole she’s a puppet. Dorinda asks if Carole and Bethenny can feel the tension, because they sure can. Carole and Bethenny agree their vibe has shifted.
And here we go! Carole puts down her steak knife, changes chairs, and tells Bethenny she is either mad because Adam didn’t go to Houston or because Carole didn’t give to her charity. Bethenny says she doesn’t need her money, so fuck you very much. Carole tells Bethenny not to lie. The nerve! They talk about a Page 6 story and quashing it.
Okay, this is weird, but Bethenny is now saying she never called Adam and invited him to Houston. Umm, then how did he tell her no? Bethenny probably means her people called Adam, but she didn’t personally. Bethenny says Carole is freaking her out, though I’m not sure why. Carole is using her indoor voice. When Carole tries to explain Adam’s schedule, the two women bicker over the actual day. Was is Saturday? Was is Sunday? Who gives a shit! It’s not about the day. Carole accuses Bethenny of being aggressive and dismissive, but slips up when she calls Bethenny, Honey. Who’s being aggressive and dismissive now, Sweetie?
The rest of the group is feeling out of place, but no one wants to jump in. Carole and Bethenny continue to bicker, but it’s pointless. Things have shifted. You know the saying: People come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. Carole and Bethenny were three seasons. That’s pretty good.
Tune in next week when Bethenny systematically pisses off all the women.