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#VanderpumpRules RECAP: Jax Had Sex With Brittany Then Broke Up With Her!

Welcome to the conclusion of the Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 3. Can I get an amen! First up, Andy asks, when did Jax and James go from haters to toleraters? Jax says it was during last season’s reunion show that he and James became buddies. Lisa explains that the two needy narcissists are cut from the same cheap cloth. Lala says she doesn’t understand how James can be friends with Jax, said the girl who is now friends with Stassi.

Up next, Stassi explains she wants to be a bad ass bitch boss just like Lisa. That is why she applied for the job of event planner. Stassi doesn’t think she was bossy to the staff, but Sandoval’s pissed how Stassi quit SUR, but then came back with a position of power. Lala says Stassi is now her bitch because she helped with her lip-synching event.

Andy asks James and Lala, was it about the pasta? Turns out, it was partly about the pasta. Plus James was tanked the day they had that smack down argument. Lala is upset because her “boy” was saying mean things about her “man.” James then sneezes and doesn’t cover his mouth, infecting everyone. Bottom line, Lala says James is disgusting and can’t handle his alcohol. Lisa says something funny and Lala gets up and walks off the set. Drama-much? Lala’s feelings are hurt because James said a lot of mean things over the season.

Lisa is trying to explain to James that Lala is very loyal to him and he’s a wanker. Kristen interrupts and is told to shut up by Lisa. Yes! So what does Kristen do? She walks off the set, too, and Katie follows. James is told by everyone remaining to go check on Lala and apologize. He rolls his eyes and claims it’s a nervous tick. James goes back stage. Then Arianna. Then Lisa. The only ones remaining on set is Stassi, Jax, Brittany, Schwartz, Sandoval and Scheana. Lala won’t allow James to apologize, but everyone returns and Andy is free to continue.

Andy asks Lala why she left. Lala is ready for her close up. She wipes the tears from her eyes, searching for the perfect words. Lisa switches place with Stassi so she can be in the close up by Lala’s side. Lala says she was hurt because her best friend is supposed to be supportive of her and James is not because he’s jealous. Everyone thinks James likes Lala more than a friend. Duh. Lala says she doesn’t feel safe with James anymore, definitely when he’s drinking. James says he gets it and Lala says she forgives him. And scene.

Moving on (finally) to Jax and his dream job of marketing a hockey team in Tampa. Jax says nothing was holding him back because he’s only a waiter, he wasn’t thinking about Brittany. Exactly. He apologizes to Brittany for taking her for granted – again. When asked by Andy to name Brittany’s dream job, it takes Jax a few, but eventually he says helping children with special needs. Jax never took that dream job in Tampa because he was scared to leave his only paying gig friends behind.

Onto the awkwardness that is Patrick. Lisa says his comments about her bum were wrong on so many levels and found it incredulous that she had to apologize to this idiot in her restaurant, when she did nothing wrong. Stassi was too high on Xanax and alcohol to form a single sentence. Andy asks Scheana if she thinks Stassi got lost in her relationship with Patrick like she did with the amazing Rob. So, are you sitting down because you need to be? Scheana admits she only watches her scenes on VPR and fast-forwards through everyone else’s. Doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know? The good news is Stassi is no longer seeing Patrick and she let Kristen and Katie picked her current boyfriend since she obviously has bad taste in men.

Andy asks Lala about her baba. Lala claims she did the research and to help with her low-level anxiety she’s supposed to suck a dick or something like it. No word if her “man” provided the data, but apparently sucking on a baby bottle helps her stay calm.

Onto Kristen and James – did they hook up in Mexico? Everyone tells Jax that he started the rumor, but Jax says James admitted it. James said he and Kristen “hung out a little bit but not really.” Sandoval says it looked bad when it’s the following morning and they were still hanging out. Are you going to breakfast or having sex? Andy is wondering the same thing about him. Schwartz can’t contribute because he was blacked-out drunk and at another resort. Finally Jax apologizes for misinterpreting what James said. Kristen apologizes to James for throwing her drink at him.

So about Jax’s meltdown at SUR. Lisa says his eyes were bulging out which is the mark of rage. Sandoval explains that he followed Jax down the street and got him into a cab. It was important to get Jax out of there so he wouldn’t make a bigger douche of himself. Jax says he apologizes to everyone except Ken and Lisa because he was too embarrassed forgot about them.

Next, they talk about the breakup between Jax and Brittney after sex. Gross. Jax claims he’d been thinking about it for a couple of days and thought he was doing the right thing to break up with Brittany after using her body to release his pent up energy. Lisa offers to buy condoms because these two shouldn’t procreate. After their breakup, when Brittany hopped into the Uber, she went to a hotel. Jax texted that he loved her, but this made her mad because now the whole world knows she’s stupid when before they just thought she was stupid. Brittany didn’t speak to Jax for one whole month after this, but unfortunately, Jax is the man she wants to be with for the rest of her life. Brittany says that since Jax’s dad died, he has been nicer than ever to her, which is sad on so many levels.

The reunion has come to a close, but Andy wants to know, will Lisa rehire Jax. Lisa says she’s not desperate enough right now, but maybe club TomTom will. And good news! Schwartz says he’s not a drunk anymore. Scheana says she’s staying single this season, Stassi may bring her new boyfriend on the show next season, and Lala’s “man” won’t be on the show ever.

Tell me your thoughts about this season of Vanderpump Rules. Did you think it went on too long? Should Scheana be fired for not watching the show? Will Schwartz stick to his non-black-out status? Will Kristen buy a bra? Thanks for reading!

 

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