The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills took a final bow on Tuesday, waking up a sleepy ride with a few colorful jolts, before waving farewell to Season 8.
Rinna’s Last Gasp
It surprises no one when Rinna finally wakes up — throwing some finale jabs at Lisa, before the season’s official close. She scolds Lisa for editing Dorit’s head off in her mag, and shades her for overreacting to Dorit’s gossipy comments. Rinna grabs the chance to call Lisaout for unfinished Season 7 biz, still bugged about being busted for her big mouth. Rinna later analyzes Lisa and Kyle’s complicated friendship, barely managing to stifle eye-rolls.
Lisa suffers a hardcore truth-blurt — fantastically putting Kyle in her place when she declares that their friendship is hopelessly one-sided. Kyle is anxious, hysterically plagued, and an overall attention whore — who apparently needs lots of on-ledge counseling. Kyle’s knickers are 90% twisted, but Lisa is always up to play the role of sympathetic big sis. Lisa busts Kyle’s paranoid neediness wide open, and Kyle doesn’t deny her friend’s scathing assessment. Kyle claims that she’s more obnoxiously open about her countless issues, and Lisaagrees. Kyle is forced to apologize for claiming that any part of their friendship is EVER about anyone but herself. Lisa reiterates later that the lopsided relationship is A-OK with her.
Kyle shares that her relationship with her sisters is in the pits, mostly due to her new show, set to premiere this summer. Kathy and Kim aren’t up for a televised skeleton release, and Kyle admits that she’s not communicating with her big sis. Kyle hopes that seeing the project come to life will ease family tensions, reminding us all that the show is only loosely based on her drunk monster of a mother. Kyle also points to Mauricio’s splashy exit from Kathy’s husband’s real estate firm, as a messy kink in their relationship. Kyle admits that she tends to be creatively sparked by juicy family drama — and just can’t resist slapping up the dirt on the small screen. She assures the audience that she would never throw her family to the network wolves — but to be sure to tune in to American Woman, this summer.
Teddi Bear Vs. Erika I-Don’t-Care
Erika and Teddi’s jagged relationship is rehashed, the duo’s tangle with bloody excuses, name calling and “pretend amnesia” all given a second look. Erika defends her right to be frigidly aggressive, tossing some icy shade at Dorit, as a side-note. Teddi has been bothered by Erika’s haughty tone, but Erika isn’t buying Teddi’s innocent Bambi act. Sharks eat accountable fawns, so Erika advises Teddi to step up her reality game. A viewer accuses Erika of exiting the beach weekend because of glam-stress, but Erika swears that it was all about the cramps. Lisa points out that Erika’s behavior exposes a pattern, which Teddi believes is intentional. Teddi and Erika bicker over social media clap-backs, both claiming Twitter scars. Teddi admits that she blogs hard, but that Erika deserved every sniping word. Erika owns up to being rude in general, adding that she needs to work on her ass-holey responses. Teddi and Erika wrap their beef by committing to a search for normalcy. They hope to be “heard” besties by next season.
The cast signs off, sharing their final thoughts. Rinnavows to cut the snoozy act next season, Dorit promises to change her personality, and Erika swears to say yes, even through menstruation. Kyle promises to never change her self-absorbed ways, and Lisa declares that these bitchy old broads are challenging, but worth it. They all end the reunion with a German toast — to faux friendship and the next go-round. Cheers!