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RECAP: Lisa Vanderpump Trashes Stassi’s Boyfriend On #VanderpumpRules Season Finale!

It’s the season finale of Vanderpump Rules. Can I get an amen! And even though this was a very long season, Club TomTom is still not complete, so the Tom’s are inviting the cast to a “progress party.” But first Sandoval and Schwartz must hand over a final payment of $25K each. Hope they saved their tip money.

Over at Jax’s place, he’s getting ready for the party all by his lonesome. Brittany is still staying at a hotel, getting ready with Stassi. Brittany recently bumped into Jax when she picked up clean underwear and now she’s madder than a rabid raccoon. Jax wants to move down the hall. So Brittany’s bringing her A game tonight which stands for Adam. Stassi’s boyfriend Patrick may or may not attend the progress party. Stassi says it’s cool either way because she’s got Xanax. Spoiler alert: You can tell Stassi takes one (or several) because her words become very stilted.

At Lisa and Ken’s mansion, Ken is getting Giggy ready first because he’s more important than this party. Lisa is contemplating suspending or firing Jax because he hasn’t learned that his actions have consequences. Will he ever? Ken is way more concerned with Giggy’s outfit than Jax’s future, and rightly so.

The Tom’s arrive at TomTom. It’s raw wood everywhere with a plywood bar. Brittany and Stassi arrive and are impressed even though it’s nowhere close to being finished. The Tom’s are serving smoking Tequila drinks with chili powder. Everything’s great except for the lack of music, food, barstools, style, or class.

Jax arrives with his tail between his legs. Lisa and Ken arrive in time to taste the new CO2 ice cream machine they likely purchased without their knowledge. Lisa samples it and loves it, but worries the guests will get very drunk – which is the point. Sandoval shows off the new uniforms and Lisa gives the boys high praise. Lisa suddenly notices Jax standing next to her. Jax says he’ll leave or they can talk outside. Leave! Lisa says Jax doesn’t have to leave but she isn’t ready to fire his ass speak to him just yet.

Scheana puts on a pink hardhat and is disappointed when the amazing Rob is more interested in his smoking drink. Jax and James talk about the breakup. Jax says it’s better this way because he’s a jerk. James tells Jax that Lala told him that Brittany went home with some guy from In and Out Burger. I wish! And the amazing Rob is talking about relationships too. He doesn’t want to get married, even though Scheana brings it up 24/7. Scheana is too busy taking selfies to hear his truth.

Lala corners Lisa and tells her the showcase was da bomb and she is doing her thang. Lisa says she’s created a monster, but proud that Lala didn’t back out or throw up. Ariana gives Sandoval the gift of a sabre sword to slice open a champagne bottle. He gets it on the first try. Lisa adds her toast then introduces her junior partners of club TomTom. Mazol!

The gang heads over to Pump so they can hang out in air-conditioning. James goes over to Ken and Lisa’s table to have a talksie. Ken says he’s going to take Giggy for a wee-wee but first hands James an envelope full of Benjamins for his C-U Next Tuesday DJ events. Lisa tells James he’s proven himself and rehired at SUR. James announces to the crowd, James Kennedy – 1, Jax Taylor – 0, which is mean, but accurate. Meanwhile, Brittany is flirting with Adam and it’s starting to bug Jax. Yay!

Stassi brings Patrick over to meet Lisa. After he says, “Pleasure to meet you,” Lisa tells him they’ve met before. The robotic way Patrick says, “Yes, of course,” it’s hard to tell if he was drunk and forgot they met or drunk and wants to forget they met. Turns out, a while back they crossed paths in NYC. Patrick tells Lisa, in front of Stassi, he liked watching her walk away. What an idiot. But it gets worse. Patrick starts saying stupid, sarcastic stuff, like their relationship is perfect, when we know it’s not. Stassi speaks like someone pushed her slo-mo button and says that she and Patrick are both incredibly dry and sarcastic and that’s why she loves him so much. Lisa asks Stassi if she’s sober. Insulted, Patrick walks off. Stassi says she’s going to go and protect her boyfriend because he’s a big baby.

Brittany sashays over to Jax and asks the Tom’s to leave. Jax asks how Brittany is doing and she explains as soon as he gets the heck out of Dodge, she’ll be great. Jax explains he broke up with Brittany because it was the right thing to do. And Jax is all about doing the right thing. However, he says he’s moving down the hall and Jesus Christ himself can’t make him leave Dodge. What about Florida, Jax? Go there.

Katie sits down to talk to Lisa about Patrick and Stassi. Lisa explains that Stassi doesn’t seem like herself. Katie explains Stassi is tightly wound because she’s trying so hard to make Patrick comfortable. Across the restaurant, Patrick asks Stassi if they can leave. He’s bored. Lisa drops by to say they got off on the wrong foot. Lisa was playing with him because of the remark about her walking away. Patrick tells Lisa he definitely liked the view. OMG, dude! Are you that vapid? Lisa tells Stassi she wants her to find someone who loves her and treats her right. Patrick objects to Lisa talking to Stassi like the voice of reason. But he still thinks Lisa has a good ass. Seriously? Who’s the ass now?

So get this, Stassi apologizes to Patrick. Are we in the upside-down world? Stassi then begs Patrick not to break up with her tonight. What does she see in this guy anyway? Obviously Stassi should never take Xanax again if she’s going to leave the house. Stassi and Patrick leave Pump together – for now.

The Tom’s thank Lisa and Ken for helping their balls drop. Lisa taps Jax on the shoulder for their talk. Jax begins by apologizing for flipping off the customers the other night. With tears in his eyes, Jax says he’s ruined everyone’s lives and doesn’t know what to do anymore. Lisa tells Jax she’d like to see him grow the fuck up. She won’t fire Jax, but wants his resignation. Jax agrees he doesn’t deserve to work for her like he has for the past seven years. Lisa has watched the entire staff grow up and move forward with their lives, even if just baby steps, except for Jax

Tune in next week for Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 1 and watch Scheana storm off the set. Someone probably told her Rob wasn’t amazing.

 

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