Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Potomac. We’ve got yet another Real Housewife that’s getting her yoga certification. Ashley’s a self-professed yoga goddess and she’s invited Candiace and Gizelle to her class. Right away Gizelle is turned off by the chanting, but Candiace claims the chanting is on perfect pitch because she should know. Then Ashley gets all handsy with the women. At the end of the class, Candiace explains she will be getting married to her “vanilla-chocolate” man next year. She says that when Chris drinks too much, the brown in him comes out and up, if you know what I mean. Gizelle is not impressed with the brown penis talk, but likes Candiace better than Monique. Gizelle tells Candiace it’s imperative she get a prenup before the wedding, like it’s any of her business.
Next we join Karen as her daughter escapes leaves for college. Karen wants her daughter to invite her up to campus more to visit. Heaven only knows why Raven doesn’t want her drama-mama coming to visit. She must be very busy with her studies. Karen then tells Raven she’s a solid little sister and this trouble her father is going through is called: adversity. Someday Raven may have to deal with some. Or choose not to like her mother.
Candiace and her fiancé Chris are dining out. After she adjusts the twins by hoisting and tucking, they talk about yoga and Gizelle. She tells Chris that Gizelle brought up the topic of prenups and said she had to get one. What are his thoughts? Chris says he’ll sign whatever. Mmm-hmm. He says that now. Candiace is planning a bubble soccer outdoor event catered by Chris’s BBQ restaurant for the ladies. Bubble soccer is people running around in the hot sun, kicking a ball while inside a blow-up hamster ball. I’m sure the ladies will hate it. Candiace warns Chris he better not be acting a fool like he did at the pool party.
Up next we join Monique. She is still without a nanny, taking care of her own kids. The doorbell rings and rings, but it takes Charrisse knocking on a window to get someone’s attention. She watches as Monique makes medicine in her kitchen. She has plans to sell eventually it. I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong with this. They laugh about the bubble soccer event, make fun of Candiace’s childish invitation, then slam Gizelle for needing a ghost-reader.
We check in with Robyn next at her new townhouse that’s slightly bigger. Robyn is happy to have a bigger closet to hide in and I’m sure Juan will appreciate it too should he need to call producers and complain about his life. Gizelle, Charrisse, and Karen drop by to help paint while drinking champagne. Karen is dressed like a Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleader in short-shorts.
Before getting started with painting, the ladies write messages on the wall. Only Karen writes something uplifting. Charrisse writes that Monique thinks Gizelle needs a ghost-reader. The ladies kick the kids out of the room so they can get nasty. Gizelle announces that Candiace’s man has a brown penis and pink tip. The mood turns somber as Robyn gets real by telling the ladies she’s painting her own rooms because she never wants to be broke again and have no hot water. This is why she hates Ashley because Ashley thinks life is so easy when you marry a rich man who pays all the bills. After looking at her friends challenged painting abilities, Robyn agrees she needs to hire a real painter.
Up next we are with Ashley and her husband Michael as he rubs her disgusting feet. Ashley explains that she gave her mom a tough-love check list. Michael asks if she told her mom she’s getting cut off because he’s done carrying her on the payroll. Ashley says she can’t do it. Michael gives an ultimatum to Ashely to cut off her mom or he’s not sure he can go on.
It’s time for bubble-soccer! This is way better than watching the women get a colostomy or vajayjay tightening. In front of the group, which includes Candiace’s fiancé Chris, Gizelle informs them she can only look at Chris from the neck up. Chris blushes and the women are probably wondering if his face matches his tip. Robyn asks Candiace how would she like it if Chris told his buddies about her coochie-boochie. Apparently if he says it’s all rainbows and perfume, it’s okay with her.
The women climb into the smelly hamster balls and run around. Robyn is the only one who loves it and is ready to take someone out. Robyn charges Candiace, they bounce off each other and are knocked onto their backs. Candiace’s face gets stuck to the bubble and Robyn knocks the wind out of herself. Monique and her cousin Hank stroll up, then Ashley and Michael arrive, and Karen shows up with her “everything man” Matt. She’s wearing high-heels and he’s complaining that it’s 90 degrees.
Candiace is disappointed. This was supposed to be a couple’s event and most of the women came alone or with someone other than their spouse. It’s girls against boys as they run around, kicking the ball and knocking each other down. Gizelle and Karen laugh from sidelines, making fun of everyone for sweating. The game ends and the natives get restless when there’s no food. Turns out the food is trapped due to road construction.
Finally the food arrives, but the women suddenly aren’t interested because they want to talk about Chris’ brown and pink penis. They women eventually get their food, but there are no napkins because a man was put in charge. As Candiace squeezes herself in between the women, she brags about how her mom pays for things, like the wedding, the house, and don’t forget about the business. It’s now officially open season on Candiace.
Candiace tells the ladies about Chris’ kids from his baby mamas and how they want to move them back to the state. Then she explains in detail who pays for what. Why Candiace is doing this, I don’t know. Meanwhile, Karen is melting before our eyes due to a wig emergency. The interrogation is over and the women leave, wiping their mouths on their tee-shirts. If you ask Candiace, the event was a success, but the ladies will be using this information against her, mark my word.
Tune in next time when the women go to a spa, Monique wrecks her fancy car, and Candiace and Gizelle get into it.