Welcome back to The Real Housewives of New York City. We begin with a tale of two lunches. One lunch is with Tinsley, Ramona and Carol; the other is with Bethenny and Dorinda. Both are discussing the Halloween party. Both have mixed reviews of Luann’s Diana Ross tan-face costume.
Over at Tinsley’s luncheon, Carole is still defending herself for not reaching out to Luann in her time of need and Ramona considers herself to be the Maven of The Hamptons. Tinsley says Ramona was rude to Bethenny and apologized way too late.
Over at Bethenny’s house, she tells Dorinda that Ramona needs to get an imbicile-opothy. Dorinda agrees, though she doesn’t remember. She says she’s on her way to see Sonja and asks Bethenny if they had a fight. Because she can’t remember. Because she got plastered at the Halloween party. Bethenny says no, unless Dorinda told Sonja she didn’t look like Lucille Ball like everyone else did. Hello! They had a big fight because Sonja took so long to greet the hostess.
The marathon is in four days and so far the only person going to cheer Carole on is Tinsley. Ramona says she’ll throw a party for Carole in the Hamptons to celebrate a woman who never worked out, yet ran a marathon. We all know it’s really a party of Ramona’s friends, but she’ll take ten seconds out to honor Carole’s first marathon. Maybe there will be a cake of a running shoe. Everyone loves cake.
Up next we check in on Sonja and Dorinda as they walk through the park. Buckle up because Sonja’s on a roll. She goes on and on about herself. Costa Rica, fight or flight, her daughter, raw food, Tinsley, Tinsley, Tinsley. Sonja has figured out what went wrong. She shouldn’t have shadowed Tinsley so much. Sonja doesn’t understand why Tinsley would move out of her townhouse into a fancy hotel. She thinks Tinsley’s boyfriend is paying for it, and if he’s not, she’s crazy to stay in a hotel when she can stay at Motel Sonja. Dorinda advises: When in doubt, don’t shout it out. But please whisper loud enough so we can hear.
A braided Luann is meeting Tinsley for dinner. Hmm. I guess not everyone can pull of braids. Anyway, Tinsley is regretting her breakup with Scott. She wants him to pay her bills get back together. Luann gives Tinsley advice, which is funny as hell when you think about it. Luann tells Tinsley to stop texting Scott and surprise him with a visit. Don’t call ahead. Just show up. Men love it when women show up unannounced. Luann did it once in Morocco and her ex-husband never forgot it.
Tinsley points out the irony with Luann giving advice, but Luann explains she doesn’t want to talk about Tom anymore because she’s totally over it. Clearly Luann is a woman in total control of her emotions. Nothing to worry about here. Luann explains to Tinsley that she and Carole didn’t have a fight at the Halloween party, they had a discussion. Big difference. Besides, Adam was only Carole’s boy-toy for three years. Tom was Luann’s husband for three months. Big difference again.
Up next it’s time for walk #2. Now it’s Carole and Dorinda’s turn to walk in the park. It’s just two days before the marathon. Carole has been having panic attacks, but is feeling excited now. Dorinda, who’s not a runner, tells Carole to put on her Walkman and run like the wind. They sit down on a bench and Dorinda tells Carole that Sonja is crazy. Carole tells Dorinda that Sonja called her fat in her Lady Gaga outfit. Ouch, Carole. Some friend you are. Dorinda asks where Carole will be staying in The Hamptons next weekend. Carole says she assumes she’ll stay with Bethenny. We all know what happens when you assume something.
Over at Sonja’s house, she’s setting up for her Wednesday night gays’ party. These are very important to Sonja because she’s the center of attention-sort of. Sonja claims to be a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. In fact, she says her gays are more important to her than her girlfriends. WTF Sonja? What went wrong? Sonja says women aren’t invited because they’re judgmental and have agendas. And she doesn’t. No way. Not ever.
Across town, Bethenny is checking out her new Soho loft that’s under construction. Right now she has six properties and four are going through concurrent renovations. The Soho loft is her future home. Bethenny’s office is also in the same building, but she’s feeling disconnected from it. She’s knee deep in Puerto Rico and wants everything to be done now. Here’s a new fortune-cookie quote from Bethenny: Show her a woman who is rich, tan, thin, having sex, and getting sleep and she’ll show you a unicorn.
Across town Dorinda and Tinsley are meeting for lunch because that’s all these ladies do: eat, drink and walk in the park. They talk about the Halloween party and Dorinda tells Tinsley that supposedly Sonja called her fat. Tinsley wonders what’s wrong with Sonja. Dorinda then tells Tinsley all the horrible things Sonja said about her and calls Sonja a bully who engages in fraudulent behavior. Wow. Tell us how you really feel.
Next we join Sonja and Countess Luann for a glass of wine at an outdoor cafe. Luann tells Sonja not to call her Countess because some people have a problem with it. Luann asks Sonja if Tinsley or Carole have three songs on I-tunes? Do they have a Pandora station? Do they have their own hashtag? Don’t worry about the haters, Luann. Go crazy with that $10 bucks a month you earn. You deserve it!
Sonja announces she’s decided to keep her house, but rent it out. Sonja tells Luann that living with her was the best ever, nothing like that ungrateful Tinsley. This prompts Luann to complain about her lunch with Tinsley and how she was channeling her inner-Carole, asking Luann to share her feelings. Like that’s going to happen. Luann doesn’t have any. She loved Tom. It didn’t work. It’s over. Let’s move on.
Okay, we will. It’s the day of the marathon and Carole is feeling great. Her late husband ran the marathon and she will be thinking of him. Adam is there to cheer Carole on and ex-housewife Heather is also running the marathon. Carole says the marathon is scarier than covering the war in the Middle East. So brave, this one.
Off they go! By mile 8, Carole is in pain. Her hips and knees are hurting, but she keeps going like the Energizer bunny whose batteries are running down. Tinsley arrives to cheer her on. Carole is now at mile 24. She’s barely jogging along, but crosses the finish line. Yay Carole! Her time was 6:42. Carole describes the marathon as super lonely, but feels she honored her late husband Anthony the way he should have been.
Tune in next week for Melee in The Hamptons. Dorinda has a go at Sonja for calling her fat.