We return to Vanderpump Rules where we left off at the restaurant. Kristen is tossing her drink at James and Lala. James is calling Kristen things like ho and trailer trash. Stassi and Lala are fighting near the patrons. Everybody at the dinner table has a different opinion. James is calling his girlfriend crying on the phone. And Sandoval is telling James to get off the phone so they can argue. Here’s my question: is clusterfuck one word or two?
But Sandoval makes a valid point to James. Why were he and Kristen in the hot tub for a “decent amount of time?” I’m sure they were just talking politics, but some people may think something salacious was going on because they were there until 7:00am. Sandoval asks James if it’s possible he doesn’t remember hooking up with Kristen. James says no. Which is what you do. Deny, deny, deny.
The gang goes back to their rooms. Some are drinking. That would the Jax, the Tom’s and the girls. Some are eating. That would be Stassi, don’t forget her balsamic. And some are bitching. That would be Lala, sucking on her baba, telling James they’re gangstas.
Back at Stassi’s room, Kristen and Katie arrive. Here’s the thing about Kristen, she’s a job. And Stassi and Katie are feeling career burnout. Katie asks Kristen what was the point of throwing a drink? Kristen says it was that or her fist. Hello anger management. Meet your next client. Katie leaves because she needs to make sure her husband hasn’t wandered over to another resort. Kristen says she is so over this. So are we, Kristen. So are we.
Back in LA, Club TomTom is slowly coming along thanks to Ken and Lisa, no thanks to Sandoval and Schwartz. Sandoval calls Lisa from Mexico to ask if they can have a “progress party” even though there’s been very little progress. Lisa gives in, and asks how things are going south of the border. Tom informs her that Kristen and James may or may not have hooked up. Lisa says the only recipe Kristen has if for disaster. Maybe Club TomTom should name a drink after her. One of those shots that goes up in flames.
Over at Jax/Jason’s room, he tells Brittany he would like to call Kelsie, so get the hell out. Brittany goes to Stassi’s room to put on her makeup. She says Kelsie is as helpful as weed when it comes to calming down Jax/Jason, which sounds like a compliment, but it isn’t. Jax/Jason explains to his reiki master he’s trying to steer clear of the drama but is getting attacked. Kelsie advises that when he’s being attacked, sit and breathe, and understand that if he reacts to it, there’s a part of him that believes it. Kelsie also tells Jax/Jason to find his inner Nelson Mandela. Mexican crickets can be heard chirping in the background. Jax/Jason’s homework is to not make any decisions for two weeks. He hangs up and says, love you.
The gang is back in LA and it’s damage control time for Kristin. She and Carter go to lunch. Kristen says that she’s glad she went to Playa del Carmen and everything was fine. Except for one tiny thing. The rumor that James started about the two of them hooking up. That wasn’t fine. Carter tells Kristen if the situation were reversed she would be so furious right now. Like crazy pissed. Carter hasn’t forgotten nor will he ever that Kristen hooked up with James again after they met. If Carter were smart he’d run for the Hollywood Hills. But Kristen apologizes and says she didn’t cheat. Carter tells Kristen her track record isn’t great and he’s going to talk with Sandoval, which is weird. Why not talk with James?
At SUR, Lala shows Lisa the benefit of duck lips from sucking her baba. Lisa is horrified. Then Lala tells Lisa that Jax might move to Florida for his dream social media job with a hockey team. This is the best news Lisa has heard all week.
Clueless Raquel welcomes back her DJ man. James is setting up and says he’s nervous someone might try and ruin his night. People are making a big deal out of this thing with Kristen which, now that he’s sober, isn’t really a big deal. James says he may have been sloshed every single night in Mexico, he didn’t cheat – and Raquel believes him.
On the way to work, Brittany asks Jax about the job in Florida. He informs her that Kelsie told him not to think or talk about it for two weeks. Brittney is like, Heck fire, what about me? She’s only been in LA for two years and not totally ready to hitch her wagon to a horse’s ass and go. Jax asks if Brittany’s new boyfriend, Adam, is going to be at SUR. Jax plans to put him in his place.
Over at Katie’s, she and Stassi are planning a Pucker & Pout party. This was Katie’s beauty blog that has taken a long hiatus due to her wedding planning. Katie asks about Kristen. It seems that Schwartz, Stassi, and Katie are all torn on the topic. Part of them don’t believe something happened between James and Kristen. And the other part doesn’t give a damn. They all agree Kristen and James probably shouldn’t have been hanging out alone until 7:00am.
Over at SUR, Scheana tells Lisa that Mexico was fun, but her divorce is final, so that’s more fun. She and Rob have been looking at houses and Rob likes the name Madison for a little girl. Lisa’s eyes bulge out. She gives Scheana advice on two things: slow down with Rob and back off of Jax. Scheana will most likely ignore both.
Jax finds Adam on the patio at SUR, who wasn’t scheduled to work, but is there anyway. Jax asks if he has a crush on his girlfriend. Adam, being a quick thinker, says no. And I actually think Jax is insulted. The boys talk and Jax learns that Scheana is more diabolical than he gave her credit for. The setup started back when Adam was at Jax and Brittany’s house. Jax thanks Adam and says he will deal with this.
Jax finds Brittany inside and tells her about scheming Scheana and how she’d been trying to set Adam up with Brittany for a while. Jax asks Brittany if she’s okay with her friend doing this, and Brittany says yes because Scheana was trying to make her feel better because her boyfriend got busted cheating on her. Jax is pissed, not comprehending at all that he is the cause of all of this.
Back outside on the patio, Ariana asks James about the pillows by the hot tub, in front of Raquel. James now has a new story. He says Kristen never got into the water. And suddenly Schwartz was in the hot tub, too. But here comes the Jax-train, chugging full steam ahead, ready to confront Scheana. She has a new story, too. Now it wasn’t a setup between Adam and Brittany, just a simple night of fun.
Things go from bad to worse when Jax and James get into an argument back inside. Ken and Lisa walk up, and this Vanderpumps Jax’s adrenaline. Jax tells Lisa he’s sick and tired of everyone flipping the G-d-damn script on him. He’s cursing at everyone. In fact, they can hear Jax ranting from the patio. Lisa and Ken try to calm Jax but are unsuccessful. Jax double flips-off random people in the restaurant. Lisa has reached her boiling point. She calmly tells Jax he’s acting like an arrogant baby and to leave. Sandoval tries to intervene, but Jax gets mad at him to. Somebody call Kelsie, stat! This trainwreck is turning into a full-blown meltdown.
Tune in next time as Jax tells Brittany something all of America already knows – she deserves better. But will he really break up with her?