The Sister Wives Tell-All finale wrapped the season on Sunday — the Browns dishing up another serving of mock marriage to a dwindling TLC audience. Host, Andrea Canning, continues to keep it moving — slowly.
Tony and Mykelti
Tony and Mykelti’s wedding shenanigans score the first segment of the finale episode. The Browns’ hard-sell of the newest family member rolls on, and they all agree that Tony adds a chunky kind of pizazz to the cul-de-sac. The newlyweds are synching like no other, and are the life of the plural party. The taco blowout wedding is remembered fondly, despite the wacky details of the cringeworthy affair. Kody admits that his pushy daughter is emotionally immature, but it’s okay, because Mexican vintage love was her destiny.
The trials of juggling four mediocre marriages is addressed, and the heavy clouds that follow Kody from house to house are given a shout-out. Family secrets are a messy biz, but Kody assures us all that it’s all worth it. The wives are asked about adding another harem member, and while Christine says no way, Robyn is supposedly open to God knocking her off her throne. Kody is about to be buried by grandkids, and baby Axel-Brush is first on the pile. Meri reveals that her double-dare shuffle into the featured gay bar was her first boozy experience ever. The Sisters wish they could have seen such a wonder, but Kody reveals that bars aren’t his scene, because he has to fight groupies off with a stick.
The older Brown kids hit the stage next, and Audrey lands her first Tell-All spot-of-honor. The Women’s March is rewound, and Janelle is sold as a plyggie feminist. All the kids rah-rah the march — while exchanging subtle side-eyes. They next discuss the futile protest at the Utah capitol, along with Kody’s push for the kids to attend. Paedon offers a few honest breaths of fresh air, and Caleb stumbles over explaining how he squared his own opposing religious beliefs with cheering on polygamy.
Tony describes his meaningful relationships with each mother-in-law, noting that he has barely thrown a “hey you” at Meri. Logan and Aspyn share about their engagements — but neither fiancee makes the Tell-All stage. Not to worry — because Mariah and Audrey promise that their scandalous romance is getting serious. Maddie’s horrific birth is revisited, and despite the nightmare, Maddie has scarred over into the perfect mother. Ysabel opens up about her scoliosis struggle, and how she has had to endure nasty teasing at school. The other kids support their warrior sis, and Christine explains how she helped her daughter through the ordeal. On the bright side, Aspyn actually has decent taste, so her wedding won’t be as ridiculous or gaudy as the last one. Fingers crossed.
Kody and Meri
Kody and Meri agree that they want to make their lifeless marriage work — but no one knows how. A weekend getaway is suggested, but Kody is frightened at the idea of such intense alone time. Meri confesses that she has been pushy and demanding, but is willing to wait forever for Kody’s graying pony to flip her way. Meri has knocked around the idea of walking away forever, but hopes to hang in there until eternity.
Kody continues to wave the platonic flag in Andrea’s face, but stops short of slamming Meri for the catfish affair fiasco. Robyn rambles on and on about the stress of a bum relationship wrecking the plyg-vibe. Janelle agrees, because the dynamic makes her conscious hours challenging. Kody can’t even manage to spit out the word “hope,” but on a happier note, Andrea is impressed that he and Meri haven’t heaved in the towel. No one cares.
What do you think the future holds for Kody, Meri and the gang? TLC will deliver yet another season to find out!