The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins in the 90210, where Kyle is saying a dramatic goodbye to her starter dream house. The family is preparing to relocate to their next dream house, and Kyle is busily packing up her life. Portia is also busy, sorting through her material glut — like braggadocios mother like daughter. We check in with Lisa and Ken, who are grieving their two deceased dogs. They lost a second pup only days after Pink Dog, and Lisa is worried about all of her seniors. There is good news to share — Lisa’s Yulin film is about to premiere. Lisa just hopes that she can squelch the tears and keep it together for the big night.
We hop over to Erika’s old lady mansion, where she’s putting out a cookie spread for visitors. Rinna shows, and cracks up at her own Dorit snark before she and Erika discuss mixing psychics with business. Dorit makes her entrance, and Erika debuts her Kardashian-blessed cardboard persona. Erika rewinds the beginning of her funded music career, while Bravo ticks off her expensive accomplishments. Erika says YES to everything — the pricier, aka more “fearless,” the better. Dorit throws in, and reminds us for the millionth time about her soon-to-be-revealed swimwear collection. Confidence comes with age — ask Erika’s grandhusband.
Over at Teddi’s place, Teddi is getting skittish about the Berlin trip, especially because she has to leave her young children. She goes over the mommy-do list with Edwin, outlining activities — which include regular bathing and rock n’ roll classes. Teddi shares worry over Erika’s fire-breathing temper, but is confident that she can tame the dragon. Dorit might be a different story. Bravo continues to churn out the flashbacks, obviously looking to fill a sleepy filler episode. Teddi’s accountability is on thin ice — and she hopes to make things right with Dorit, in Berlin.
Meanwhile, Lisa is getting pretty for the Yulin documentary premiere, when Dorit phones in to extend her sympathy. Dorit jabbers on and on, while Lisa begs her to shut up, hoping to save her mascara. Her makeup artist smirks, while Lisa struggles to hold it together. A clip of Dorit at work is next, and we hear that she’s planning a fashion show, to debut her collection. Dorit wants her swimwear to highlight the cheekies, minus the wedgies. The sample suits look a bit discount, but Dorit promises that her burning creativity will pull off a masterpiece collection.
The Road to Yulin film premiere is next, and the ladies, along with a few hubbies, are there to support. They all nibble movie snacks, snark about Dorit’s signature tardiness, and prepare for a good cry. The film begins and Lisa narrates the horror story, while disturbing images move the audience. The ladies gather after the film for drinks, and Lisa manages to crack a few jokes to lighten the mood. Teddi offers Dorit another apology, acknowledging that the duo actually likes each other. Erika declares her Berlin business meeting a bust, so now everyone can focus solely on German drama. A horseback outing is already planned, and the ladies are excited for the adventure. The classic packing series is next, and we join Mikey, who is busily putting together Erika’s latex wardrobe.
Dorit isn’t feeling great, likely due to combining Bravo hysteria with real business demands. We spend a few minutes in Lisa’s closet, as she also prepares for the trip. Fast-forward, and Erika is pushing a monster trunk full of glam-crap into the airport. A few snippets of the ladies on the plane are shared, and after their arrival, Dorit reveals that she has been puking up a storm. Thankfully, Rinna’s famous pill bag came thru in a barfy pinch. The group arrives at their hotel, and their four-day luggage haul is beyond ridiculous. They check out their swanky digs, and bask in the luxury. Erika scores a panic room — perfect for fire breathing reality stars.
Dorit unpacks her carefully coordinated wardrobe, before a doctor pops in to give her a looksie. The pro slaps her hand for mixing flu meds, and wishes her a good trip. Teddi checks in at home and shares a smooch with her husband, while Lisa chats with Dorit, who is still under the weather. The ladies gather at the hotel bar, and Mikey cheers on Erika’s faux hostess skills from his faithful post.
Erika phones in a presidential dinner party, before we jump back to the bar, where the ladies are reminiscing about all the snarky slaps and strangles over the years. Lisa nails Rinna for tiptoeing thru the season, and speaks truth when she labels Rinna “less engaged” with the cast. Rinna admits that her rogue mouth has had a less than positive influence on her daughters — and explains that she gave herself a behavior check. Lisa is disappointed at the mouthy drama drop, and Rinna doesn’t appreciate her shady analysis. Erika arrives, and the ladies chitchat about girl time and dancing/sleeping naked.
Lisa reveals that the 1994 earthquake scared a nightie right back on her quaking bod. She mentions her dead granny, and Kyle steps in it when she asks what the heck movie she’s talking about. Nanny Kay was a frequently mentioned 25 year houseguest, and any sort of amnesia is a no-no on this trip, even for Kyle. Erika gets a few brownie points when she recalls one of Lisa’s old mall businesses, and Lisa gushes over her crack attentiveness. Bravo proves that Kyle is a flunky listener by rewinding seance clips, starring Nanny Kay. Kyle snarks about her blanked memory in a confessional spot, but stumbles over herself to Lisa, making excuses for her selective hearing.
Next week, the ladies check out the sights and Dorit and Kyle kick off the drama.