Ay Caramba! The Vanderpump Rules are headed to Meh-hee-co! And it’s Jax’s birthday, so of course the guacamole will hit the fan and Playa del Carmen will never be the same. But first we begin with Sandoval who is at SUR early, working on a signature cocktail for club TomTom. Lisa would be impressed, but Tom is catching a buzz and talking too much. Here’s the takeaway, leave the decorating to LVP!
Up next, Lala and Stassi are meeting with Sean2 and Blk Elviz for the upcoming music showcase. The foursome like the patio of the venue so people will be trapped and forced to listen to Lala. As for the extra special vibe, there will be dark purple and blood red flowers for the haunted house theme even though it’s not Halloween. The guys leave, shaking their heads, and the girls sit down to complain about last week’s girls’ night out. Lala calls Stassi a gangsta bitch, which she is, just without the gangsta.
Over at Jax’s place, he has asked Brittany to make herself scarce because Kelsey the Reiki master and “highlight of his week” is on her way over. Brittany rolls her eyes and does as she’s told. Jax cleans the house, puts out snacks, and sets the mood – more than he’s done for Brittany. Before they eat, Kelsey does her magic and swishes away “Jason’s” anxiety. Jax tells Kelsey he doesn’t want to go to Mexico even though his always-forgiving, always-naive girlfriend has worked very hard to plan this for his birthday. Then Jax drops a bombshell. He’s received a job offer marketing hockey in Tampa. Hang on, is Jax telling Kelsey this news before Brittany? That’s no bueno! Kelsey instructs Jax to call her anytime while on vacation because his life is so tough.
Brittany returns to the apartment to hear about Jax’s Reiki session with Kelsey. So, you know how Scheana talks about Rob? That’s how Jax talks about Kelsey. So amazing! Both of them! Maybe they should meet! Jax lists the ways in which he likes as much as he’s capable Kelsey. She’s patient. She’s kind. She doesn’t attack him. Then Jax tells Brittany about the dream job offer. This is the first Brittany has ever heard of his hockey dream, but she’s ready for Jax to grow up. And this upsets Jax because Kelsey would NEVER talk to him this way. Kelsey would be a pillar of positive support at all times even after repeated disappointments and cheating scandals. Jax explains that Kelsey says Jason needs to come first right now. Does Kelsey not own a television set? Has she not watched this show?
Over at Scheana’s house, the amazing Rob stops by for takeout food. Scheana says that Jax stole Brittany’s mojo. Rob mansplains that it’s Brittany’s choice to stay with Jax – no one else’s. Moving on to business, Rob has the new logo for his amazing idea called the Divorce Closet. It’s a virtual store where people who get divorced can get revenge and sell their ex’s shit. Scheana is so amazed by Rob’s amazing ambition and amazing work ethic. Here are the terms: Scheana is the face of the business and Rob is everything else. Scheana tells Rob the day she leaves for Mexico is the day her divorce is final. Hint, hint.
Lisa and Brittany are riding horses today. Brittany is too scared to ride so she just walks the horse next to Lisa as she rides. Brittany tells Lisa about the Mexico trip and Lisa asks, WHY? Brittany tells Lisa about the Reiki therapist, and when Lisa learns it’s a woman, she’s like, A bloody leopard won’t change his bloody spots. Brittany doesn’t listen.
Over at club TomTom, the good news is the Tom’s showed up on time and not wearing flip-flops. The lighting man-hunk brings drawings of clocks with huge pendulums. Lisa loves it. I mean, she really loves it. Apparently she likes a good, strong pendulum. Sandoval prepares his potential signature cocktail of Mezcal and scorpion chili for her approval. Lisa loves it. Bring on the heat, senòr!
And they’re off to Mexico. Everyone likes their accommodations, though Jax and Brittany have the best digs with a small private pool. Jax is finally showing some appreciation to Brittany. James is over the moon to have finally been invited. Kristen and Stassi are getting along. And everyone is happy – if only this would last.
While getting ready for dinner, Jax tells Brittany he’s going to tell the Tom’s about his job offer because he’s 95% sure he’s moving to Tampa. Brittany is like, Slow down, amigo. She isn’t ready to make a decision today. But this is Jax’s dream job. Who cares about Brittany’s dreams – whatever they are.
Back in LA, Lisa stops by SUR to check on the crew. Adam asks if he can move from bar back to bartender since everyone’s out of town. Lisa asks Adam to make a mojito, which he screws it up and then blames on Lisa. Thank God he’s good-looking.
The cast meets for a nice dinner outside among the beautiful stars. The drinks arrive and everyone toasts Scheana who has timed her divorce down to the very second. Jax asks the Tom’s to go inside with him to do shots. Poor James’ feelings are hurt because he’s not invited. Jax tells the guys about the hockey dream job in Tampa. The Tom’s are torn. The thing is, with Jax around, there’s always someone who’s more destructive and more drunk. Oh well, adios, Jax.
Back at the table, Brittany tells the girls about Jax’s dream job offer. The girls don’t want Brittany to go. Scheana announces her new Rob-ism and explains it’s Brittany’s choice. She is immediately called out for setting up Brittany and Adam. When Jax returns, the girls pulverize him with questions about this made up dream job in Tampa. But Brittany has dreams too. What are they? Everyone at the table knows, but Jax. How embarrassing.
Lala has had enough and demands that Jax respect Brittany – because she’s a goodfella? Jax laughs at Lala, but the other girls pile on what a lousy boyfriend Jax is. Lala and Stassi leave without eating dinner, which is loco because Jax isn’t worth giving up a good meal.
Tune is next week for more livin’ la vida loca! Rob doesn’t want to talk to Scheana until she returns to LA and Jax finds out about Brittany and Adam.