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#RHOBH RECAP: Lisa Vanderpump Berates Dorit Kemsley Over Friendship Betrayal!

Becca is a Senior Editor for All About The Tea. She's a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. Her bio is short, but her snark is endless. She loves writing for the sharpest posters in the world.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with Rinna and Camille — prepped to lingerie shop for Bravo cameras. Camille explains that a cancer bout coupled by a radical hysterectomy has taken it’s toll, and it’s taken a long time to get over the treatment. She’s in remission now, proudly announcing that her vagina is delightfully underage — a dream come true for her new beau. Rinna pounces on the opportunity to flaunt her own bod, veiling her own naughty stripper-strut in a supposed effort to rebuild Camille’s flopped mojo. Camille’s body is banging — and the low-self esteem scenario is a bit of a stretch — and a bit late. The scene is mildly cringeworthy — but Camille seems to enjoy it.

We next join Kyle, who is meeting Erika for lunch. The ladies chat about last week’s drama, and Erika points out that someone — who shall remain nameless — has blown the whole situation way out of proportion. Lisa’s birthday lunch is on the schedule, and Kyle notes that just the right gift is simply a must.

We check in with Dorit and PK, who are discussing Dorit’s bikini biz. PK butts his beak into Dorit’s fashion expertise, but Dorit’s soul just isn’t having it. Dorit’s arms flail in protest, especially because she feels extra-deranged after the NYC cast chaos. Lisa really likes Dorit because of PK, but Dorit hopes that they can move past her blurts, and become genuine besties.

We next learn that Camille is hosting a cancer benefit event at her home. All of the ladies are headed over, except Rinna, who’s busy spreading her convenient illness all over social media. The ladies trickle in, and check out the fragrance line linked to Camille’s women’s cancer cause. There’s a scent for everyone — whether strong, confident, shady or insecure. The ladies dab and sniff, as Dorit makes her entrance. Dorit wants to force her love down Lisa’s throat, and plans to stab her with affection until she pukes. Lisa isn’t feeling it, and wants time to process Dorit’s sophomore misstep. Dorit takes an opinion poll on the controversy, and Teddi raises her hand and votes Team Lisa. Dorit shades Teddi for amping the anti-Lisa chatter, but Teddi calls foul on Dorit’s lame accountability skills. 

Camille takes a moment to address her guests, and reveals that her mother is hospitalized and fighting for her life. Camille dedicates the evening to her mom, and other women fighting the horrible disease. Lisa makes an early exit, but Dorit corners her for a mini-lecture and forced snuggle. Lisa is annoyed, especially when Dorit tries to straddle her into submission. Lisa isn’t interested in Dorit’s bossy thighs, but Dorit has high hopes that the love tackle will be just the ticket. Lisa admits that she’s been hurt by Dorit’s comments, defending Teddi for sticking up for her. Dorit pledges her eternal bff love, before Lisa manages escape her clutches.

Next, we get a glimpse of Teddi at work — busting her punctual hump, holding her clients accountable. Teddi meets up with one of her success stories, and the pair sweats out buckets of fluid, while swapping compliments about each other’s tight abs. Teddi’s client is enjoying her weight loss success, and her coach couldn’t be prouder.

We switch gears and jump to Erika, who’s excited about playing a character in a Kim Kardashian video game. Erika rewinds her rags to riches Hollywood tale, and is thrilled to have landed defined success—being a part of the Kardashian machine. Bravo posts a pic of Erika with her son — seemingly implying that her child was with his mother during her early days in L.A. Erika makes mention of a “single mom” struggle, but only uses the pronoun “I” when describing her move to California.

Lisa’s pink lunch prep is in full swing, and Kevin the party planner is on duty. Lisa strategizes a trick to beat Dorit at her own game — a glass whammy the perfect snarky revenge. The guests begin to arrive, and Lisa lets Teddi in on her silly plot. Dorit plays along like a good sport, and Erika makes her entrance. Giggy is decked out in his formal wear, and Lisa prepares to open her gifts — and deliver the shade. 

Lisa begins to unwrap the packages, and Erika comes through with a pretty scarf. Teddi gives her a rather odd fuzzy bareback saddle, and Lisa declares the rookie her new bosom bestie. Lisa snarks through Dorit’s offering, an eclipse themed bracelet. Lisa notes their relationship blip, while the others shoot each other nervous glances. Erika notes that Lisa’s shade is always wrapped in a joke — and no one delivers it quite like her. Camille gifts Lisa with a bunny themed widow’s veil, and tosses her own snark when she attempts to figuratively shut Dorit up with a porny muzzle. 

Kyle arrives late, just as the group sits down to lunch. Lisa verbally cuddles with Teddi, and Dorit begins to softly object to the group spanking. PK tells her to simmer, as Giggy presents Lisa with a pair of $75k earrings. Dorit tries to snap up her castoffs, while Lisa continues to toss jabs, along with the earrings. 

Kyle offers crack analysis of Lisa’s subtle punishment style — because she’s been there, done that. Dorit isn’t happy about the party poking, and decides to make an early exit. Lisa defends her gracious birthday beatdown, and Dorit smoothly leaves without making a scene.

The show wraps with Lisa revealing that the photos of Dorit modeling her jewelry line had been pulled — due to Dorit’s diva standards. 

The rest of the season promises to be lively — so hang on tight!

 

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