The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with a Bond party rehash with Dorit and PK. PK was thrilled by his birthday party, but brings Dorit’s vocal chords down to earth when he reminds her that George only sings with those crappier than he is. Dorit catches PK up on the psycho rookie’s latest antics, and Kyle’s latest role as head buttinski. Dorit plans to let Kyle have it later, and remind her that Teddi is too laid back for her own good. Dorit gives PK another birthday gift, a semi-creepy family figurine, which PK improves when he tips it over, knocking off his daughter’s head.
We shift over to Lisa, who is checking in at her dog rescue center. She’s greeted by Ken, a bag o’ pups, and the news that the unsettling lawsuit had been dismissed. Lisa is beyond relieved.
Next, Kyle and Teddi meet up to shop for spandex, using the time to swap gossipy jabs about Dorit. Teddi does not appreciate Dorit’s lame punctuality excuses, and wishes that she would just apologize without an accent. Kyle agrees, and just wishes that Dorit would shut up altogether. We hear that a gathering is planned at Teddi’s beach house, and Teddi voices her concerns — in a casually panicked kind of way.
We catch up with Rinna, who’s meeting Erika for lunch. Rinna is stressed about Delilah traipsing around NYC, and keeping up with her own demanding acting schedule. Rinna is worried about her daughter, and hopes that she can send her off with a dramatically confident farewell. Rinna catches Erika up on her skanky soap opera character, and Erika is clearly bugged that her own soap stint never took off.
We change tables and join Lisa, who’s annoyed, because Dorit is a half hour late. Dorit and Kyle finally arrive, and Lisa is anxious to celebrate her legal freedom. After a quick toast, Dorit and Kyle launch into repeat chatter about the glass showdown at PK’s party. Kyle wants her neutral friendship skills respected, and believes that she has the right to butt in whenever peacemaking calls. Kyle defends her signature fence straddle, and Lisa busts her for unfairly pitting her against Teddi. Dorit giggles that she will always back Queen Lisa, and Lisa approves. Kyle dabs away a few tear droplets, self-righteously defending her right to straddle freely.
Lisa sees through Kyle’s sympathy spin, and vamooses, removing herself from the discussion. Dorit is confused, and Lisa is peeved that her good news was overshadowed by recycled hysteria. Kyle is upset that Lisa abandoned her in her time of need, so Dorit springs into action, immediately shifting her shade from Kyle to Lisa. Dorit labels Lisa an attention monger, who has residual childhood neediness. Bravo tries to paint Lisa as a loveless child who needs to be showered with attention. It’s a hard sell. Kyle is annoyed to hear about Lisa’s covert jewelry line, and wonders if their friendship will ever be on equal footing.
We next sit in on a meeting between Rinna and her superstar model daughters. We hear that the yawning Amelia is fearless hustler — except when it comes to driving a car. Amelia wants to stay a kid, because model life is adult enough. Rinna and Delilah discuss setting up her NYC pad, but there’s no time for shopping, because Delilah is scheduled for her first round of non-surgical surgery. Delilah evidently wants to look 13 again, and while Rinna feigns shock — her lips say that she couldn’t be prouder.
We surf on over to Teddi’s beach house, where the hostess is busily preparing for her guests. Teddi hopes to show the ladies a good time, but wonders if these fashion obsessed broads can even appreciate such on-point nonchalance. Teddi is a down home gal — but not cucumber-cool enough to not worry about every detail of the weekend. Meanwhile, Kyle has broken out her most billowy beachwear, and is distressed to learn that Dorit is dragging her down her tardy cleavage. Dorit phones in her latest excuse, before we float over to Villa Rosa, where Erika is swinging by to pick up Lisa for the weekend. Erika cackles like an evil queen in a confessional spot — shading Teddi’s down home ways.
Rinna arrives on the Days of Our Lives set, giving us a brief rewind of her long career on the show. Rinna instructs the makeup pro to shellack her face beyond recognition, and hopes that she will remember her lines. Dorit’s limo finally shows up at Kyle’s, as Lisa fills in Erika on the cast drama. Bravo paints Kyle as self-obsessed, while Kyle catches Dorit up on her and Lisa’s relational patterns. Rinna’s masked face checks in with Erika and Lisa, to gloat at having an excuse to skip Teddi’s forced casualness. Rinna is bummed to hear that she’s missing Lisa’s current hissy-fit, and Lisa plays along like a good sport.
Erika and Lisa arrive at the oceanside home, and Dorit and Kyle soon follow. The house is pretty, and Dorit lays it on thick, buying off Teddi with lots of food. Lisa busts Dorit for keeping her waiting at the restaurant, and informs her and Kyle that they’re selfish twits for ignoring her legal victory. Kyle objects, and labels Lisa jealous and self-absorbed. Erika resigns from the drama, citing intensely girlish period cramps. Camille arrives, as Kyle’s ongoing whines continue to pollute the gorgeous scenery. Lisa tries to lighten the mood with Kyle, but she isn’t having it. The ladies catch Camille up on the current brouhaha, and Erika tags the drama as a petty friendship competition. Kyle feels her relationship with Lisa is unbalanced, so Lisa caves and apologizes for the walkout. Kyle follows, and everything is OK — for now.
The ladies go bi-coastal next week, and Dorit’s mouth goes on a rampage.