#RHOBH RECAP: Dorit Kemsley Explodes On Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave Over Stemware!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with Kyle and Erika, meeting up for a snippet of shopping. Erika is backtracking hard from complaining about her gimpy grandhusband — because she has now determined that Tom’s bratty recovery is adorably sweet. Erika admits that Tom rescued her from cocktail lounge hookery, so he can whine if he feels like it. Erika chats with Kyle about her pretend car shopping date with Dorit, excited that they bonded so effectively over her new bestie’s fake  budget. Kyle points out that she could have purchased three of those cars, before we jump over to Rinna, who’s hustling away at her kitchen table.

Rinna realizes that she’s over the hill, but credits her QVC cash for keeping her career one-size and young. She gets news of a new puppy joining the clan, and dumps the poop scooping on her housekeeper.

We shift to Teddi, who is connecting with Lisa over a horseback ride. They hit the trail and chitchat about their mutual horsy love. After the ride, Teddi’s humble roots are stunned, when a worker appears out of nowhere to serve tea. Ken joins the ladies, and we learn that Teddi has a scrumptious beach house. Teddi would like to have the girl gang over, but is a bit stressed out about her lame glassware selection. Teddi’s just gotta be her — and she just wants the others to shut up and appreciate it. Lisa prods her to spill the tea on the mystery bitch hostess — side-eyeing Teddi for twitchy clues. Ken votes no on Dorit — but Lisa isn’t so sure.

We catch up with Dorit, who’s in the middle of planning a luxury bash for PK. Lisa — strangely dressed like a gangster — joins the fun, stifling giggles over the gauche display of shady wealth. Dorit spills that the couple will make a luxury splash via helicopter, and that all of the guests will positively drown in caviar. Dorit and Boy George will belt out “Fever” in honor of PK’s day, and Erika has volunteered to coach her cast-mate out of her pitchy jitters. Lisa smirks about the upcoming spectacle, and declares that Dorit stands confirmed as the glassware shrew. Lisa does side with Dorit, and doesn’t believe that being persnickety about a wine glass makes one a snob.

A double date is on the schedule next, and Kyle and Mauricio are ready to swap strained gab with Teddi and her hubby, Edwin. The couples chat about the delightfully easygoing charm of the rookie, and the possibility of the cast scoring a drink out of her super chill cottage glasses. We hear the story behind Edwin meeting Teddi’s famous daddy for the first time. The men chitchat in Spanish, working hard to cover the awkwardly forced chemistry.

PK’s big day has arrived, and Dorit is excited to welcome his family, who is flying in from London. Dorit and George are headed out to practice their big number, so we change gears and join Rinna, who’s popping in to check out Kyle’s botched floors. Rinna rewinds all of her most horrifying boat moments, a little nervous about repeating her bitchy shtick on Dorit’s party yacht. We hear that Teddi has put away her barware insecurities, and has invited the ladies to her beach house — unless they would prefer an uptight hotel. Teddi’s text invite is a rigidly scheduled novel, and Rinna is relieved  that a work commitment will get her out of it.

Meanwhile, George is hard at work coaching Dorit, when Erika and Mikey arrive, to show the icon how it’s done. Dorit is concerned about pulling it off, but wants to blow away her hubby with the surprise. Erika explains that striking a fierce pose and serving up lots of sexy glares always cover a crappy voice. Mikey advises Dorit to fake it good, and Erika demonstrates  how to grab a microphone without knocking out your teeth. Erika reminds Dorit that on-point vocals are beside the point, and George proclaims her nuts. Bravo tosses us one, flashing us back to Gretchen Rossi, werkin’ it with Mikey before her own cringeworthy Bravo performance. Erika declares Dorit puss-prepared and ready to sell it.

It’s party time — Dorit’s breasts are rammed up for the big night, and PK is forced into a dashing tux. The ladies teeter down the boat ramp, and the party kicks off. The ladies are dressed to the nines, and we get a glimpse of Dorit’s handsome parents, and PK’s lookalike brother. Dorit whisks PK to their heli, and Dorit’s stilettos almost deflate the duo’s Bond arrival. The couple enters the room, and PK is emotionally overwhelmed to to see his family.

The party is fancy and the scene looks fun. The ladies swan dive into a vat of caviar, as Kyle obnoxiously points out that Mauricio has copters in every color on speed dial. Dorit’s breasts take center stage, as she prepares to shimmy through her number.

Erika coaches her from backstage, and encourages her to have lots of croaky fun. George and Dorit take it away, and someone mercifully turns down Dorit’s mic. Nevertheless, Dorit “nails it” and PK is a happy birthday boy.

Dorit delivers an encore, busting into Teddi’s clunky dance moves to hash out the now officially ridiculous glass controversy. Teddi points out that she’s actually quite a delightful cast addition, and Dorit should thank her for her stellar unpretentiousness.

Lisa sticks up for Dorit, Kyle backs Teddi, and Dorit orders Kyle to shut up. Dorit calls Teddi a loony liar, while Rinna and Erika and Camille gush over Dorit’s fantastic composure. Kyle is happy to be in the high-drama group, but escapes just as Dorit cranks it up a notch, blasting Teddi as a high strung, accountability psycho. The cranky  duo hugs it out anyway.   

Next week, Kyle and Lisa squabble in Teddi’s beach shack. Don’t miss it!

 

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