RECAP: #VanderpumpRules LaLa & James Go Off In Massive Drunken Blowout!

Welcome back to Vanderpump Rules – where the only rule is – IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PASTA! We join Lisa and Stassi as they choose new staff uniforms that will fit the varying sizes of boobs employed at SUR. We are then grossed out when Stassi shows Lisa a photo taken halfway through her breast reduction when one boob was big and droopy and the other boob was small and droopy.

Speaking of boobs, Peter, the Toms and Jax are getting a lesson in meditation with a beautiful Reiki master so they can get woke. Good luck with that. After the session, she tells them to speak their minds and gives them a word. For Schwartz, he admits to drinking too much. His word is: Ownership. Sandoval says his mind is dull. His word is: Awareness. For Peter, he is on the go, go, go. His word is: Control. And finally it’s Jax’s turn. Through tears Jax says he had a great relationship, but effed it all up. His word should be: Douchebag, but instead she asks Jax if he’s willing to be afraid. Jax says he wants to hump her doesn’t want to be afraid. They hug it out and Jax thanks Peter for the idea of Reiki meditation. He’s ready for more lessons.

Next, Brittany, Lala, Ariana and Scheana are getting Botox because they are scared to death of aging. Brittany shares with the girls that Jax is a new man after his experience with Reiki meditation and she’s feeling hopeful for their future. Lala says she’s having lunch with Katie, but is conflicted about it because of all the shit-talking. Scheana once again protests that Rob doesn’t kiss other women, not even her, and she’s sick of everyone talking about it – when Scheana is the only one talking about it. Girl, get another storyline.

It’s girls’ night out to see LaLa Land, but without Lala. Before the movie, Katie, Brittany, Kristen, and Stassi trash Scheana and her boyfriend who doesn’t kiss. Thankfully the waiter brings out shots and they stop talking long enough to drink. They encourage Brittany to get her game back with the waiter. She says no because Jax is totally committed now to the Reiki process. Poor thang has no clue what Jax is really committed to.

Elsewhere, Lala, James and Logan are getting trashed. Bring on the double shots with the vodka chasers. James shares that Raquel is moving in with him because he’s agreed to clear out a drawer. Lala makes a snide remark about Raquel and her pasta and James becomes unglued. He calls Lala a bitch and tells her that her fat (rich) man will soon leave her. Lala tells him to learn his fucking place. At first James says he’s going to leave, but it’s Lala who leaves when things escalate. James follows her outside to apologize, but winds up screaming, “IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PASTA!” Over and over again. Okay, dude. What’s your point? Could it be about the vodka?

Onto SUR where Scheana is at work and asks Brittany and Ariana if the other girls were talking about her and Rob again. Please, not this again. Scheana says that Rob is like way too successful to like deal with this drama. Like obviously this is touching a nerve with Scheana.

 

The Toms are at the TomTom site trying to clean up, but have no idea what they are doing with their sweat equity. Schwartz explains that even though he should be in the doghouse right now because he didn’t come home last night because he passed out on Sandoval’s couch, he’s not. Katie was really cool about it and he has fallen in love with her all over again.

Across town, Katie tells Kristen and Stassi that Schwartz didn’t come home last night and shows them a picture of him passed out on Sandoval’s couch. Aww. Isn’t he cute? When he eventually dragged his ass home, Katie shared that Tom said someday he’ll be home in the mornings making pancakes for their kids. Here’s hoping Tom’s dick never works.

Back with the Tom’s and their cleaning ineptness, Lisa and Ken drop by. She asks how Tom and Katie are doing and he says he didn’t go home last night, but it’s all good in the neighborhood. Lisa isn’t buying it and once again questions her decision to go into business with Dumb and Dumber.

Back with the girls, Kristen confesses that she’s been speaking with Brittany’s mom, Sherri, and is flying her out to L.A. so she can implement “Operation Break Up” with Jax and Brittany. High fives all around.

It’s Pride Festival in West Hollywood. Back at SUR, Scheana is getting ready for the crowd, when her boyfriend Rob stops by. No surprise, he doesn’t kiss her hello. After Scheana whines about her mean friends, Rob basically gives her an ultimatum about these so-called friends. Scheana tells him she lost her smile this week, but really what she lost is about five pounds. Lala arrives at the parade in a black leather Wonder Woman outfit and tells Lisa that James is a mean drunk. Stassi calls the girls from the balcony of SUR to come up and get their glitter on. Jax refuses, but Sandoval can’t wait. Scheana tells Lala that Rob came by and is trying really hard not to let things bother him – making him sound like a little bitch.

Let’s party! SUR is hopping and everyone is drinking on the job. Lisa introduces Billie Lee who is their first transgender hostess. Jax uses the opportunity to hug Billie. Katie is in a good mood because Schwartz hasn’t gotten black-out drunk yet. And James and Logan are practically making out, saying they love each other. While not the brightest color in the rainbow, Raquel is sensing that something is going on between them.

Lisa sits down with Scheana to tell her that she’s skinnier than usual. Scheana explains that the mean girls are picking on her and Rob. It’s so unfair because they are perfect. Literally perfect. Perfect in every way. Lisa points out that Scheana used to say the same thing about her ex-husband. Scheana tells Lisa this time it’s different because she and Rob are broken up meant to be together. Lisa steals a croissant sandwich and makes Scheana eat it.

Later, Jax and Brittany are relaxing at home when Katie and Kristen stop by to witness the start of “Operation Break Up.” In walks Sherri. Mother and daughter hug, but in the other room, Jax’s eyes bulge three times their normal size when he hears who has just strolled in.

Tune in next week to see Jax freak out and to learn if James has been taking dips in the dude pond.

 

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