Sister Wives begins with the TLC clan throwing a birthday party for Maddie, who is 21 and coincidentally, knocked up. Meri and Mariah are too busy to attend, and Kody couldn’t be happier. The ladies discuss the significance of multiplied birthday parties, before Maddie and Caleb open a set of his and her Bible watches. Caleb somehow scores a gift on his wife’s day, as we learn that Maddie has ditched Mormonism, and embraced Christianity. Kody is super comfortable with whatever/whichever/whatever religion, because having Caleb around is all that matters. Maddie drops the baby bomb, and the family squeals with delight.
They call Mare to share the news, and she’s thrilled, but is rather obsessed with her own independence. In case you hadn’t heard, Meri has her eye on an old house, and is very busy hawking one-size clothing online. Robyn wins the youngest faux granny award, before Maddie and Caleb announce that they will be moving back to Vegas, to sponge off TLC. Kody has been yammering about moving back to southern Utah, but Maddie’s uterus may have just shut him up. Robyn and Janelle point out that Utah is their church home, and Kody yearns for the day when multiplied love will be allowed in their home state. The group swaps chatter about marriage boundaries, secrets, and messy conflict following Kody around the cul-de-sac.
Christine lightens things up at the next dance rehearsal, when she declares herself head lip-syncher. The rest of the ladies are demoted to backup dancers, and Christine is dead serious when she explains that because Mykelti exited her womb, she deserves the lead. Christine schools Janelle on hand choreography, and shows her how a real bio-mom can shake it. The ladies reflect back on their negative reactions to Mykelti’s engagement news, and Jenelle just hopes that her on-point twinkle fingers make up for her shady comebacks.
Garrison is headed home from his national guard training, and the family is gathering for a welcome home barbecue. He’s been gone for four months, and the family is thrilled to see him. Garrison is happy to be home, but assures us that the would never walk down he road of plural marriage. The family forgot to invite Garrison’s other mommy, evidently forgetting that Meri lives right next door. Another dance rehearsal is up next, and naturally, a detached Meri has shirked learning her moves. The shower is the next day, so backup dancer #3 is worried. The ladies try on some plastic wigs, and Christine is still concerned about Janelle dragging down the act. The ladies reveal that they never get naked in front of each other, but Janelle clarifies that she makes exceptions for Korean locals. The ladies hop around to the music, and Meri is clueless dead weight. The ladies giggle through the clunky rehearsal, as Christine bellows out commands. They cross their fingers, and hope that their shtick will actually be funny.
Mykelti’s bridal shower is on tap, and Christine is assisting maid-of-honor, Aspyn. Aspyn is a lifelong stressed-out mess, but is working to keep her yelling under control. The shower is only a little over an hour away, and the Brown women are whirling themselves into a tizzy. Christine snarkily notes that this shower surely won’t compare to a Mexican fiesta, but oh well. Christine and Aspyn argue over what determines semi-sweet darkness, and Aspyn is declared choco-crazy. The ladies are stressed, so Christine decides to run around the room screeching like a crazed vintage loon. Aspyn’s frazzled nerves don’t appreciate it, but Christine finds herself hilarious.
The guests begin to arrive, and Christine immediately regrets not offering mama Maria a cameo in her production. Tony saunters around like king of the party, and gives the spread a thumbs up. Aspyn kicks off the festivities, and Mykelti shares the history behind the couple’s romance. The bridal party presents Mykelti with their favorite books, and the ladies giggle over Meri being the original “shrew” in Kody’s life. The gals discuss porn fiction, and the conversation is 50 shades of awkward.
The ladies prepare for their big number, and Janelle’s look is especially frightening. The ladies perform, and needless to say, the display is cringeworthy. Christine basks in the bio-spotlight, and Mykelti enjoys the craziness. Tony’s family isn’t so sure. Tony’s relatives shower Mykelti with tacky lingerie, and the wives clutch their pearls, declaring themselves prudes.
Kody and Janelle next discuss the challenge of moving Maddie and Caleb into Janelle’s home, in order for the couple to freeload comfortably. Kody believes that the red carpet needs to be rolled out — because financially supporting the couple is evidently not enough. Kody and Janelle bicker over space logistics, because Maddie and Caleb deserve only the best. Meanwhile, Christine’s vocals are echoing through the canyons, because she’s hard at work, practicing her wedding warbler with her voice coach. Her coach encourages her to to keep a straight face, even if glasses shatter. Christine later reveals life-sized Tony/Mykelti pinatas, one which will be filled with “white people” candy. We learn that the wedding sermon will be centered around frisbees, which will be hurled in formation at the happy couple. We rewind some of Tony’s greatest zingers, while the kiddies decorate the mini discs. Christine decides to welcome Tony into the family with a special family symbol, assuming that he likes girly jewelry.
Christine later decides to pass on some old wedding dress shards, and sniffles while modeling the monstrosity before America. Kody offers to fetch the scissors, before the couple takes a walk down memory lane. Christine and Kody admit that they would have done things differently, but Christine was happy to have scored the cushy #3 harem spot. Their courtship was mostly long distance, and Kody found it difficult to travel that far for his own wedding. Kody wasn’t “engaged” in the event, and Christine found the nuptials sad and her dress ugly. Kody explains that at the time, Meri was still at the top of the heap, and Christine needed to keep her motormouth shut. Kody’s mentality was to hide his love life, and Christine had to cooperate, or else. Since going public, Christine can be a proud wife and proclaim the hideousness of her wedding dress proudly. Christine’s daughters try on the shiny sack, and weigh in on their post-teen bride sisters. Christine crafts scrap flowers, and hopes that they will encourage Mykelti to enjoy the messy marriage rollercoaster.
Next week, Meri plots her next escape move, and the weather turns chilly, just in time for the wedding.