The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion launched Wednesday night, and the drama was Jersey strong!
Andy speeds through the niceties, and gets straight to the dirt. Jacqueline is given a shout-out — in honor of the prostitution whore’s Bravo comeback. The post-season kicks off with Melissa offering an ENVY update, and weighing in on Joe’s surprise restaurant purchase. She complains that Joe slaves away at the “family restaurant,” but it’s ok, because it’s all about the familia. Andy notes Teresa’s “Gorga by injection” jab at Melissa, and the sister-in-laws laugh off the remark, because their bond is stronger than ever. Andy asks about the status of Melissa’s boutique, and she’s says the sparsely stocked store we’ve seen all season is “great…really really good.” Margaret reveals that her signature hairstyle is as fake as she is — and right on brand.
Marge’s rookie story is rewound, and her bankrupted MacBeth Collection biz is highlighted. Her greatest heartbreak is revisited, aka her non-relationship with her stepchildren — who turned on her after she cheated on their father. She skanked around with a visiting contractor, and although he put a ring on it, the kids are evidently repulsed by the sight of her. Marge reveals that hiring contractors is now a no-no — probably because she tends to get loose around men in hard hats. Andy asks a fan question about Marge’s season-long buttinski shtick, and Marge admits that she’s occasionally offensive, but in a hilarious way. Dolores chimes in that Marge can be funny, but she doesn’t like the way she navigated tension with Siggy. This leads to the first nasty back and forth between Siggy and Marge — both sides are locked and loaded for their reunion showdown.
Andy segues for a moment, to reflect on the women as devoted moms. Frankie has a new girlfriend, and Dolores couldn’t be happier. Sparks begin to pop when Andy calls out Marge for shading a comment Siggy made about her son’s girlfriend’s “cookie.” Marge becomes defensive, and Siggy fires back that Marge marinates her “p*ssy” in pot. Things take a wonky turn when Ramona Singer phones in out of the blue, to fan-girl Melissa on camera. Andy tells her to mind her own franchise. As a side note, the school teacher can’t spell Ramona.
Andy then asks Teresa about her unruly kids and her lack of discipline. Teresa rambles off excuses, and implies that criminal circumstances are to blame. A viewer questions if her reconciliation with Melissa is genuine, since they argue occasionally on the show. They both confirm that all is good, and they’re never going back to the dark side. Teresa then gets emotional when she addresses the loss of her mother. Her death is deeply affecting her dad, who goes to the cemetery every day.
Andy prods Teresa to admit her resentment towards her husband, and Teresa admits that she’s peeved at Joe, for being behind the mess that stole away — no pun intended — precious time with her mother. After an awkward silence, she denies ever thinking about leaving Joe — although she alluded to it numerous times throughout the season. When asked if she would move back to Italy if Joe gets deported — she quips that she’s leaving her future in God’s hands.
Finally, Andy addresses the elephant…more like the bear in the room, and dives into the ongoing war between Siggy and Margaret. Marge’s “Soggy” jab was the catalyst for their feud and while Siggy was hurt by the childish diss, she scored by selling “Soggy” t-shirts. Teresa did find the “Soggy Flicker” label amusing, but agrees that both women hit below the belt. Andy inquires why Margaret didn’t invite Siggy and Dolores to the surfboard memorial in Boca. Marge claims that she didn’t know they weren’t coming, and was not aiming to freeze out the duo.
Marge claims she can dish it and take it, and Siggy owns her pigtails party with Dolores — and says she was “fighting back.” Siggy’s haywire hormones take the stage, and Margaret throws more fuel on the fire by claiming Siggy uses menopause to excuse her emotional outbursts. The two verbally spar over social media chatter that went down during the season — and Margaret’s prized trophy bear takes a bow. Margaret jabbed at Siggy’s photo-decorated Boca Raton foyer — which triggered the Bravo sophomore to speak out on Twitter about the mounted bear. Siggy then shuts down the argument by making it clear that all foyers are off-limits, “don’t talk about my foyer and I won’t talk about yours!”
Danielle joins the reunion stage, slinking out in a red-hot devil dress. Her stormy table-flipping history with Teresa is revisited — and Bravo tells the story of the prostitution whore and the felon’s journey from enemies to friends. Andy reminds viewers that back in the day, Melissa reached out to Danielle on Facebook, to bash Teresa. Danielle retells an incident where one of her girls was propositioned for a blow job at school, which ultimately ran them out of town. Teresa is noticeably irritated to hear that she’s to blame for the vulgar incident, but all is well now, because she’s been officially forgiven.
While Andy wonders what Danielle ever did to Teresa, Danielle’s raunchy bathroom sex romp at the Gorga pizza joint opening is given a moment. Andy asks the ladies to share their thoughts on their co-star’s toilet tryst, and Teresa says, “who cares.” Dolores says the act was “unnecessary,” and Siggy feels “it was 100% inappropriate and disgusting.” Andy asks Dolores what she thinks of Danielle’s cozy-up to Teresa, and Dolores declares that Teresa is a big girl, and if it doesn’t go well, she won’t throw it back in her friend’s face. Danielle seems offended.
Finally, the issue that led to the biggest fallout of the season is addressed — #CakeGate! Siggy explains the time and effort that went into the three-tiered cake that Siggy gifted Melissa for her birthday. Siggy admits that her feelings were hurt after the cake-hurling spectacle, and explains that when jabs about her husband were made, she reacted. Siggy owns it, and apologizes for letting the booze get the best of her.
Next, Andy mentions Siggy calling out Melissa at her party. Melissa cries humiliation, and Siggy apologizes, while trying to explain the motive behind her actions. Margaret butts in again — sharing another
irrelevant opinion. Siggy tells her to butt out, so Marge starts hurling insults — relocating the Sig to the “Real Housewives of Bellevue.” Siggy fires back that Marge is pathetic, and jealous of her cash.
Controversial side-character, Kim DePaola’s name is dropped, and Siggy and Dolores’ decision to participate in her fashion show is debated. Melissa is puzzled by the duo’s devotion to Kim D., but Dolores and Siggy don’t budge, noting longstanding friendships with the outspoken boutique owner. Margaret interjects her opinion, reminding them all that cheating rumors hurt families — because an actual cheater knows such things.
Andy winks, takes a breath, and announces that Kim D. is in the building and this time, he’s not bluffing. Kim struts out like the Godmother of New Jersey, while Andy orders Teresa to chair arrest. Teresa’s head explodes, and she immediately starts bellowing at Kim, who warns if she touches her, it’s back to wearing those sterling silver bracelets. Clink clink!
Tune in for Part two of The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion on Wed, January 24.