It’s reunion time on The Real Housewives of Orange County — can I get a woo-hoo! Let’s talk fashion first. Peggy is a burgundy disco ball – and that’s about it for her in part one. Lydia looks like Cousin It in a silver dress. Kelly’s side-swept hair looks better than it has all season. Vicki’s dark navy and gold embroidered dress is the most tasteful and her earrings are the real deal. Tamra’s maroon romper was a bold choice, just like her face lift. Shannon looks super-duper lovely in her black maternity dress. And Meghan’s bright green dress makes her hair look white.
After the hello’s from Andy Cohen and random flashbacks, he tosses Shannon a softball viewer question asking if Sophie ever passed her driver’s test. Yes she did! And to ease his guilt reward her accomplishment, David bought her a brand new BMW X3 with all the bells and whistles. Andy’s jaw drops to the ground because he is like, so jealous. Next, Andy wants to know why Peggy doesn’t get American clichés. She denies playing dumb, but is still looking for the gallery to eat peanuts in.
Next, Vicki is in the hot seat. Andy points out that Vicki is not wearing an engagement ring. That’s okay. Vicki did announce the wedding date of someday to Steve, so we have that to look forward to. And though Vicki did say after her break up with the guy who shall remain nameless, she never wanted to get married again, turns out, Vicki is the marrying kind and she wants to marry Steve. Andy asks if Steve is too boring for the whoop-it-up girl, but Vicki says she loves the balance Steve brings to her life. Vicki gives an update that Brianna is having more surgery and to keep her in our prayers.
Onto Lydia who made a horrible Charlie Chaplain. That’s the real reason she was so uncomfortable at drag queen bingo night. Not because of the drag queens. Not because of Tamra’s psychic. And not because of the bingo cards with sexual positions she’s never heard of because they aren’t in the bible. Lydia was embarrassed to be a fugly man. Lydia denies being homophobic and says her best friend that we’ve never met is a lesbian. Meghan calls Lydia out for not liking psychics, because psychics are people too, y’all. Lydia gets sassy and tries to steamroll Meghan for not understanding Jesus like she understands Jesus. Andy asks if there’s any hope to a friendship repair between Lydia and Shannon. Nope to hope. Which is strange because I’m pretty sure there’s something in the bible about forgiveness.
The come-back kid Kelly is next. She says it’s sad to be getting a divorce from Michael, but I think everyone knows Kelly will eventually land on her feet, though Andy tells all of Orange County to lock their doors in the meantime. Kelly has now moved to another beach house in the same subdivision with her daughter. She realized while in Cabo, a few months after filming the season finale, she wanted the divorce because…wait for it…Michael always wanted to be with her. The nerve of that guy! Andy asks Vicki for her thoughts. She says it’s partly due to their 16 year age difference – and the camera flashes on Meghan because, hello, she and Jim are close to that age difference as well. Tamra is the last person who should be giving advice tells Kelly not to say anything negative to Jolie about her father – or her daughter will stop talking to her too.
The pint-sized, last-prize is next. Flashbacks are shown of Tamra and her gay-challenged husband, Eddie, but nothing is mentioned about him just yet. The focus is on the roller-coaster mother/daughter relationship of Tamra and Sidney. Although things were getting better between the two, when Tamra posted a picture of herself and her daughter, which Sidney asked her not to do, things crashed. Bottom line is Sidney doesn’t want to be her mother’s storyline. Tamra says Sidney posted that she never wanted to invite Tamra to her graduation in the first place, but Simon made her. Ouch!
I actually feel bad for Tamra as she sobs on the couch, talking about Sidney, knowing this is only going to further damage their relationship. But when Tamra admits to having a facelift for her 50th birthday, I’m like, yes this is why Tamra is where she’s at. Update on Ryan and Sarah – they have broken up and she has a new boyfriend. What’s next for Tamra? A vag rejuvenation like Kelly so she can quite giggle-peeing.
Next is Shannon and her announcement that we already know. Still, it’s heart-wrenching to watch. First she talks about the weight gain. Shannon has lost 25 pounds so far. She explains it only looked like she blamed Vicki for her weight gain, which she totally did. But Shannon finally admits it wasn’t Vicki’s fault. This is when Shannon tearfully confesses she and David are no longer together. Get this, during their Hawaiian vacation, David left early. And that’s when Shannon knew things were over, because he said so as he walked out the door. The girls now live with Shannon, but she and David talk daily, have family dinners on Sundays, and still go to SC football games – which must be extra grueling.
Andy can see that Vicki is upset. Vicki says she feels horrible if she played a part in their divorce, so Andy asks Shannon, did Vicki play a part? The good news is Shannon doesn’t blame Vicki – because it wasn’t her fault. David checked out years ago, but the jerk told Shannon they had a few good months. Really? How gracious of him. Ladies, if you’re looking for an emotionally unavailable, semi-masculine guy who doesn’t respect women, he’s available. Vicki tells Shannon she deserves better – which shouldn’t be too hard.
They take a break and Kelly and Vicki tell Shannon how truly sorry they are for her. Kelly says she knows what Shannon’s going through, but that’s not exactly true. These two divorces will be like apples and oranges, or vodka and tequila. But Shannon says her divorce feels real now that she has said it out loud and released it like an infectious cough hacked up from her lungs.
Tune in next week to see Peggy’s turn under the gun (there is no gun) and the gloves come off (there are no gloves) with all the ladies. And find out if Vicki is really “off the show.”