Hey, y’all, put on your high-heeled boots, it’s time for The Real Housewives of Dallas reunion part 1. Things are going to get trashy, and not just because of Brandi, because of everyone. First let’s mention the wardrobe choices. Everyone got the “wear sparkles” memo except for Cary – or should we say Mark.
After Andy introduces the ladies, and Brandi says she’s not pregnant because she’s hitting menopause before LeeAnne, we watch flashbacks of the tiff between herself and Stephanie. Brandi explains that she didn’t feel important enough to Stephanie and admits to being a terrible two year-old when Stephanie and Cary became close. They tear up and say they love each other. Aww, bless their pathetic hearts.
LeeAnne still claims that Stephanie is two-faced and her comment that LeeAnne was beautiful at the Halloween party proves it. Stephanie says she tries to come off as funny, but sucks at it. Andy asks D’Andra about LeeAnne’s behavior that night. D’Andra says she was furious and would have kicked LeeAnne out – and she wouldn’t need her husband to do it for her.
LeeAnne explains that she wouldn’t have thrown Stephanie out of her party if the situation were reversed. She would have suggested they sit down and talk it out. LeeAnne is accused by several of the ladies for pulling out her PTSD card when it’s convenient. Then LeeAnne’s PTSD kicks in big time and she threatens Brandi to be careful.
Next up, Kameron is asked if she’s for real. Like, yeah she’s for real. Is Big Bird for real? Duh. Andy and Kameron go back and forth over her pink dog food and the fact that dogs are colored blind. Kameron says people did freak out over the whole pink sparkle poop thing, and that’s why they added some brown kibble. The takedown of the $25 billion with a B dog food industry is still a work in progress.
Onto Brandi and her lack of social grace. I feel like we should say, move on, Brandi is trashy and proud of it. Kameron denies looking down her nose at Brandi and accuses Brandi of using her jokes to attack people. Brandi, in turn, accuses Kameron of using her zip code to look down on people. Sad news, Brandi didn’t bring the dildo to the set, out of respect for Kameron. Dang it to heck! I lost money on that bet.
The following flashbacks focus on D’Andra and her marriage, her mother, and her mothering skills. Andy reads a question asking if Jeremy has a sex tape. Unfortunately he does not. Next we learn that D’Andra has two trust funds and her mother only controls one of them. Whew! It’s important to keep Jeremy happy. As for her step-son Keatin, D’Andra explains this was the second time he tried to live with them. Bottom line: he’s on a different wave length than D’Andra, and that’s okay.
Raise your hand if you think LeeAnne’s anger management has helped. Only LeeAnne and D’Andra raise their hands. As for the incident report where LeeAnne allegedly pulled a knife and sandpaper on a past boyfriend, LeeAnne says that report doesn’t exist, so move on. And Andy does. Instead, Andy points out that LeeAnne has threatened to hurt three people in the last two years. LeeAnne explains her hurt inner-child is making the decisions when she feels threatened. D’Andra agrees that LeeAnne has made improvements, but still has a ways to go.
Fun fact: everyone has had their boobs worked on except Kameron. Flashbacks are shown of the boob controversy and LeeAnne using her vagina doctor to re-do her whacked boobs. Cary is given the chance by Andy to explain what a reputable plastic surgeon should have, but is interrupted by LeeAnne who says she never asked Cary for her opinion on her vagina doctor. We learn that Cary never called LeeAnne’s doctor a vagina doctor, it was Brandi who called him a vagina doctor because saying that over and over is funny.
So back to Andy and his question to Cary about choosing the perfect plastic surgeon because he’s obviously considering it, Cary explains that half of their practice is fixing the Botched work of others. She denies ever saying that Brandi’s doctor killed people, in fact she ultimately recommended the doctor Brandi chose.
So about LeeAnne threatening Cary behind the closed door, LeeAnne blames the drugs she took before her surgery. Brandi says there were no IV’s in LeeAnne’s arm during her butt naked, saliva spitting, Cary threatened outburst. LeeAnne says she doesn’t remember a thing except being baited by Brandi. Andy confirms they checked with the production crew and Brandi didn’t say a word to trigger LeeAnne.
The women go back and forth about LeeAnne telling Brandi to make a choice about being friends with Cary and Stephanie. Stephanie explains they can get mad at each other, but they can’t threaten each other – because that’s not what classy women who live in the proper zip code do.
LeeAnne says that her words are just words and her throwing a glass was just throwing glass.
Next Andy announces it’s time to bring Mark out. Giddy-up! Let’s talk about The Round Up. LeeAnne informs Andy this is a closed set. Andy shrugs, but LeeAnne is not having it, y’all. She walks off the supposed closed set, into the alley. Cary says her husband has a right to defend himself for hitting on all those men. Kameron agrees and so does D’Andra, she just wishes they were told this ahead of time.
Tune in next week for the conclusion of The Real Housewives of Dallas reunion when they coax LeeAnne back onto the closed set where she will have to “own it” y’all.